Title: Fight of Your Life
Author: Ali, Thereelali@hotmail.com
Category: Humor, Romance (kinda) MOB
Rating: R- for language and questionably sexual situations.
Summary: Ummmm....Four ladies in Sam's life duke it out.
Spoilers: Nothing big, You need to know who Laurie, Lisa, Mallory, and Ainsley are.

AN: I owe Flip, Roo, and Dani for beta'ing it. Kacey for hitting me over the head with the numerous commas I forgot to add. Thank you dearest. (By the way, you all owe Kacey a big, "thank you" for putting the Sam site back up. I told her to leave Snoopy up indefinitely.) Also a huge thank you to Red. Because without Red, I wouldn't have even thought up this story. It's because of her demented<alright mine too> brain this exists.

Fight of Your Life
By Ali

"Open your eyes," a strong feminine voice commanded. Sam lifted his head and peeked open one eye, shutting it quickly at the stabbing pain of the light.

"I said open your eyes, Sam."

Sam slowly opened his eyes and focused on the face in front of him. He was positive that he hadn't seen her before. And he had never seen the place behind her.

"Where am I?" he asked, his voice croaking, rusty like the old garden equipment on his mother's porch.

"Be quiet. Don't talk," the woman told him.

Sam looked down and gasped at his state of undress. He was wearing gold briefs, and nothing else. "Where are my clothes? Hey, wait, this isn't my body!"

Sam smoothed a hand down the hardened muscles in his thighs. He felt the sliminess on his fingers, scented oil, he commented to himself. He didn't think he had this many muscles in real life. This must be a dream. Sam spotted Josh and Toby a few feet in front of him pointing and laughing at him. Okay, maybe not a dream. Sam felt the stares of people just in front of him. He was an island of humiliation in a sea of curious faces.

He searched his memory, and couldn't remember anything he had done recently. Absolutely nothing. Not a good thing.

"Josh? Where are we?" he called out to Josh's half-turned back.

Josh ignored him and continued talking with Toby.

Sam moved to reach out to the pair, and started. His hands were shackled to his feet. He felt as though he were a criminal.

"You need to wake up."

Sam looked up, and saw Kathy holding a chain attached to his bindings.

"Let's go." She yanked on the chain and Sam jerked forward.

"We're right here, Sam," Josh called out encouragingly, but then he looked away.

Kathy led him up to a platform, and padlocked the chain to a loop on the stage. Sam stared, petrified, out into the sea of blurred faces. He recognized a few, but the rest were obscured by the shadows.

"What's going on?" he asked. There was a sharp pinch to his butt and he turned, his hands automatically trying to cover the offended area.

"Hey Sam." CJ stood beside him, and pulled his hands away from his butt. Her hand cupped his gently but she turned him to see the ring. A wrestling ring had materialized where before people had stood and sipped drinks. Now the crowd gathered around the mud filled platform.

"Everybody loves you, Sam." Donna stood beside him, her hand clasping his right hand gently. "They all want to be with you... but they can't. So—"

CJ raised his hand out to the side as far as it would go. "This is the prize ladies. Are you ready?"

The four contestants nodded their heads. Sam looked at them closely and groaned.

"In the first corner-" Donna also raised his hand to the side, and Sam felt like a fish dangling from the hook and line of a fisherman, "Is the beautiful but obviously moronic, Lisa!" The crowd cheered slightly.

"In the second corner," CJ called out, "Is Laurie, call-girl extraordinaire."

"In the third corner," Donna's voice rang out clearly, "Is the red-headed school marm, Mallory O'Brien."

"In the final and last corner is Ainsley Hayes, Republican sex kitten." With this declarative sentence, CJ and Donna lowered his arms.

Kathy stepped up in front of Sam. "There is only one rule, ladies. Whoever holds down the others for a full minute wins Sam."

"Hey, wait! I'm not a prize; I'm the Deputy Communications Director. This isn't funny."

A bell rang, and Sam watched, fascinated, as Mallory conversed with Ainsley and Laurie. They turned on the bored and inattentive Lisa. Within two minutes the woman was covered in mud and being helped out of the ring by Ginger and Bonnie.

"It was fun, Sammie." She shook like a dog after a bath and the mud fell away from her. Sam followed her body with his eyes as she walked out of the room.

A scream brought his eyes back to the ring. Mallory stood watching amused as Laurie struggled to get up, but her hair was knotted to the ring rope and her feet slipped and slid under her. A whistle was blown. Bonnie cut the hair off the ropes and Ginger helped the tall woman out of the ring. A flash bulb flashed and when he looked back to where Laurie had been, she had disappeared.

"Get her, Baby!" Leo called out, pulling Sam's attention back to the fight before him. Mallory and Ainsley squared off in the ring; their faces were grimaces, their bodies covered in mud.

Sam heard a teeter above him and looked up. A slosh of water fell on him. Sam felt the each droplet as it traveled down his oil-slicked skin.

"This is for my dad, you Republican bitch." Sam looked up to see Mallory body-slam Ainsley into the mud. Ainsley sputtered and tried to get up, but Mallory dropped on Ainsley's chest and started to pummel her face.

The crowd counted down. "Three, two, one." A bell clanged loudly.

Mallory stood beside him; her hand came and gently took his. The crowd faded into blackness, leaving only them. "Hey, Sam." Sam closed his eyes as he felt her small hand caress his forehead, wiping away the moisture that had gathered there. He opened his eyes.

"Hey." Sam noticed the room had changed. He was in a bed with stiff starched sheets; beside him, a monitor beeped in time to the pounding of his chest.

"Where—" Sam stopped and licked his lips, only to find his mouth and tongue dry as well. Mallory fed him some small ice chips with a patient smile.

"Where am I?" Sam asked finally.

"GW." Mallory sat back down and pressed a button by Sam's head. "Do you remember going to Israel?"

Sam swallowed heavily and closed his eyes, trying to remember. "Vaguely."

"You caught some virus over there, you got sick over the Atlantic. The President, CJ and Kathy were in quarantine; along with the White House Press Corp."


"Yeah. Fortunately, no one else got sick. But you've been out of it for a while."

"How long?"

The door opened behind Mallory. "Two weeks, Mr. Seaborn." The doctor strode in the door. "You gave us all a scare there. You had a high fever, which resulted in delirium."

"Everyone has been to visit you." Mallory pointed to the other side of Sam, where various gifts were waiting: cards, flowers and balloons. "Josh was reading to you from Exit to Eden until CJ and Donna caught him."

Sam nodded, his eyes closing slowly, his strength gone. He felt the warm hand, which cupped his, start to break contact.

He gripped her hand tighter. "Don't go."

"I won't." Mallory's voice reassured him as he fell into a deep dreamless sleep.

The End.

Any and all computer parts damaged in the writing, reading or reciting of this story is not the fault of the Writer. I don't own the characters and I never will.



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