Title: In the Interest of Keeping Things Balanced
Joshua Lyman is truly evil.
Well, not in a really, really evil way, just in a
There, I said it. I think about him in that way. I
Everyone at work should still think it's in the bag --
Anyway, I especially think about Josh in that bag-less
It's probably a lot like watching a high school
My 'boyfriend' is making the other guy eat the
The man who kissed me last night and touched me pretty
He's on NBC Nightly News, talking with Tom Brokaw and
Josh is providing Tom with the White House argument on
His 'good' suit looks great on camera and his eyes
I'm in his office grinning like crazy as this segment
Did I mention that the man has nice hands, especially
Okay, well, trust me on that.
"Representative Michaels, with all do respect,"
"That's not at all true, besides, coming from.."
"Sir, I would appreciate you letting me finish. I let
I cringe a little when he says that but really, in the
"Mr. Lyman, your last comments, please." Brokaw
"Thank you Tom, as I was saying," he pauses for
Oh, he did very good there, I should work on my
"Joshua Lyman, Deputy White House Chief of Staff,
"Thank you, Tom," the dimples break out and I
"Representative Bruce Michaels of South Carolina,
"Thank you." Michaels looks utterly pissed.
"Coming up next, the NASDAQ climbs...."
I turn the volume down and decide to go see if CJ was
I turn to see Sam striding towards me.
"Good evening, Samuel." I respond good-naturedly.
He looks slightly puzzled, "So, wasn't Josh on the
"Yeah, he just finished," we turn the corner as
"You didn't go?"
"Nah, had to stay here and hold down the fort.."
"Hmm...he say anything?"
"That's not too bad,"...he considers, "are
"Yeah.." Okay, that was an odd choice of words
"Yeah, Josh can be a handful."
That one makes me stop. Sam notices I'm not keeping up
"What was that, Sam?"
"Nothing, just commenting that Josh is probably quite
"Well, I have to go here," he points to his office.
"Yes, you do," I try hard to give him a death glare.
"See you later, Ms. Mix-A-Lot.." he practically
I am going to kill him -- and when I say him, I mean
I'm waiting in his office when he swaggers in.
He puts his backpack down, "so, were you watching for
"I'm here now," he smiles smugly, "did you
see me on
"I was good. I bet CJ's not even pissed about the zip
"Didn't think so," he starts humming as he walks
"So, I was thinking, why don't we order a pizza, my
"And when you say go over that thing, you mean me
"Ummm...yeah." I think he's starting to catch on
"Huh." I spit out.
"Uhhh...what happened? You liked me earlier."
"I have an idea, Josh. Why don't you and Sam go over
"We can order a veggie pizza?" He tries hopefully.
"No, I don't think so. It's 7:00 PM, I've been here
"Donna, what happened?"
"The next time you want to go blab to Sam about
He rushes past me and closes the door loudly.
"You know, Donna, maybe we could close the door
"Hmmm, I don't remember you closing the door before
"Okay, that was after midnight, no one was here.."
"So that makes it okay?" I stare at him.
"I thought so.." he says with a sad smile and a
I take a deep breath, "Josh, I'm going to go, I ran
I'm not so much mad anymore as I just want to get out
"You'd rather go shoe shopping with a Republican than
"Yes, I'm suddenly feeling a need to bond with the
"She's not the sisterhood, she's the enemy.." he
"She's less of the enemy than you are right now.."
"Do you really think that?" He looks shocked.
Sometimes I forget how well we know each other, how
"No..." I admit.
"You'll be back tomorrow, right?"
"Josh, of course I will..I just don't want to be here
When old boyfriends have caused me distress in the
When Josh pisses me off, I crave salty and tangy
So, here I am, standing in the kitchen with a bag of
Oh yeah, shopping with Ainsley? We went to Trader
I was seriously in the mood to do some 'men suck',
I grab my newly purchased bag of peanut butter filled
By the time I get to "Ice Cream" it hits me that
The phone startles me out of my contemplation --
Let him leave a message, Sarah and I still have
"Donna, I know you're there.." his voice invades
"Look, I didn't say anything to Sam...well, I did,
There's a pause.
"I know how long your machine tape is, I don't have
"Look, Donna, you know me. You know how bad I am at
I pick up the phone.
"Yeah." I try to speak in a monotone so he
"Hi," he says eagerly.
"Where are you?"
"At home, I just got in.."
"Did you eat?" Okay, I'm just concerned because
"Yeah, I actually did order a pizza with Sam.."
"A veggie pizza?"
"Okay, I'll try that again, I ordered a pizza with
"Is that your way of saying it was a big, meaty, man
"Instead of a girly, veggie one? Yeah." I can
Damn it, I shouldn't let him off this easy.
"So, you sat around and had greasy, manly-man pizza
"Did you talk about me more?" I ask, trying use
"You didn't tell him that I let you touch me?"
"Of course not," he says honestly. At least I
"Okay," I sigh, "he really guessed that it was me?"
"And you really had to ask him what it meant?" I
"You seemed to know what it meant later in the day."
"Well, yeah, that was after I had confirmed it,
"Last night didn't confirm it?" I ask, as I
"Well, look," he sighs, "Donna, please, I
know I'm an
"Yeah, it is that.." I say as I crunch a
"Yeah," I agree as I crunch again.
"What are you eating?"
"A peanut butter filled pretzel..he called me Ms.
It's quiet for a second, then he mimics out, "my
"Josh, did Sam let you drink?"
"I had one beer, I would think that was funny without
"Well, it's not funny."
"It is kind of.."
"I find it disturbing that you know the lyrics to
"Donna," he says in a serious voice, "I
I start giggling now, "Actually, I think my butt's
"I don't think so at all, I really like it."
"Really, because at first.."
"I was just a little thrown off, it was really sexy
"I liked yours too.." I say, remembering the way
"Did you like it when I touched you?" he asks in
"Yeah, I liked your hands, they felt nice.."
I bite into another pretzel to fill the silence and
"I'd like my hands to touch you in more
"Hey! I thought the touching ball was in my court
"You want to touch my balls?" He asks playfully.
I giggle, "'Okay.." wait, no, well, yes, I do,
"You were really, *really* nice to touch, Donna"
"Joshua.." I'm suddenly feeling a little warm,
"I'm just saying.."
"Josh, remember when I was talking about the ways of
"I may have been overstating that a bit.."
"Yeahhh.." he agrees, a little too much I think.
"Okay, well, I'm just saying, between the two of
"Maybe." he sighs, "Assuming that I don't
"Yeah, I think that would be nice."
"And you could still right that wrong as you see
"Maybe, but you're still being punished for talking
"Ohhhh... that would right the wrong nicely.."
"What are you wearing?"
"Are we gonna do this again?" I ask into the
"Jeans and a sweatshirt, what are you wearing?"
"You're talking to me in your underwear?"
"I'm in bed," he replies huskily.
Mmmmmmm.." Okay, that one was out loud.
"You should get in bed too.." he says.
"I'm on my bed."
"Get *in* the bed and talk to me for a few more
"Yeah," he confirms.
"Okay, hold on," I say, way too enthusiastically.
I put the phone down so I can slip my sweatshirt off
See, I have no clue about the ways of love, I think
"'Kay, I'm back," I pant into the phone.
"What were you doing?"
"I had to take the jeans and sweatshirt off.."
"Josh, are you there?"
"Oh, yeah, I'm here.."
"So," he starts, "say I was there, you'd
let me touch
"Yeah," I answer, as honest to god waves pass
What the hell am I doing?
"What would you want me to do?" I ask.
God, this is wrong, I can't do this while I talk to
Suddenly, I'm thinking of gathering rosebuds and how
"Josh?" I hear her voice on the phone and she
This was not why I called, I called to apologize, to
"Yeah?" She sounds all husky, I should have done
"I'm really sorry about before, about what Sam said.."
"Josh, I think I know where this is going and I'm not
"I know.." I say with an exasperated sigh.
"Not yet..not on the phone," she adds softly.
"I know.." I say again, turning over on my
I am going to kill Sam tomorrow.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Sure," I say as I turn my head sideways,
"Well, just in the interest of keeping things
"Am I what?"
"Finding yourself aroused right now?" She has to
"Very, very much so, Donna," I assure her.
"Okay, me too.." she answers in a whisper that
"Care to share any details with the class?" I ask.
"Wouldn't that kind of lead to that place we're not
"Probably.." I agree.
"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow?" Her voice sounds
"Yes and I get to kiss you."
"Can I pick where I kiss you?"
"I'm thinking in your office.." she answers.
"That's not what I meant.."
"Ohhhhh....," she sighs deeply.
"Are you going to think about me after we hang
"Yes." She answers breathlessly.
"Good, I really need to go now.."
"Really? Because I would think you need to.."
"Don't say it." I moan, "please don't say
it or I will
"MMmmmmmmmm.." I think the big cheater has
"Goodnight, Donnatella.." I whisper.
"Night, Joshua.." she replies softly, "see
I have two complete thoughts before I fall into a
The first is that I can't believe I almost did that
The second thought is that if I take the word