Title:I thought she knew
Author:Clare
Rating: PG
Description: Josh makes his biggest mistake
Catagories: Romance, Angst, Future
Pairng: J/D
Notes: This was inspired by the *Nsync song I thought
she knew. The words are after the fic. For Cassie and
Mel.

***

I did something stupid last night. When I found out
we'd lost re election I shouted at Donna and I mean
really shouted. I don't think she's gonna be back
tomorrow. Sam says I'm being ridiculous but I know
that this time I really crossed the line.


You know, I wouldn't blame her if she doesn't come
back I wouldn't have put up with me all these years if
I were her. The worst thing thought won't be that I
won't have her by my side for these last few weeks
before we yield the White House to the Republicans.
The worst will be that I can't tell her how I feel.
I've always loved her, It's just typical that it would
take losing her to realise I should have realised
after the shooting.


I'm just gonna pray I'm wrong and she'll be there
tomorrow.

***

I'm sat in my apartment with a tub of tripe fudge mint
chip ice cream and a spoon in my hand and tears
running down my face. I'm so glad that Katie's working
tonight, I don't think I could handle another lecture
about how I need to get over my boss.


In the end that's what it all comes down to though
isn't it? I tried to be his friend tonight but at the
end of it all, all he sees me as is his assistant and
that hurts you know? We've been though so much but
that doesn't change that this thing I'm feeling is
totally one sided. He'll never feel the way I do and
that's the worst thing of all.

***

I didn't get any sleep last night. I just wanted to
get here and see whether Donna will show up. CJ's
gonna kill me if she doesn't show so I should probably
find somewhere to hide now. I take a breath and walk
round the corner where Donnas desk will come into
view...It's empty. There's nothing there she's left me.


I can't breath and I walk into my office quickly so no
one will see the tears that I know are coming. I just
make it to my chair before they start to fall. How
could I have been so dumb? She's everything to me...And
she'll never know.

***

Josh walks round the corner and I duck into Sams
office and wait for him to go into his office. He
looks crushed but I shake my head and tell myself that
it doesn't matter I know what I have to do.


"Donna?" I whirl around and see Sam staring at the box
in my hands. He slowly stands up and takes the box
from me before wrapping his arms around me as I start
to cry. "Where are you gonna go?" He doesn't even try
to talk me out of leaving and I try to keep my voice
steady as I tell him.


"Back to Wisconsin. I'm going to go back to school."


"He loves you, you know that right?" I shake my head
and pick up the box again.


"It's too late. He said too much last night. It's
over." He looks nearly as bad as Josh did a minute ago
but he knows when not to argue.


"Call me when you get there ok?" I nod and make him
promise not to tell anyone where I am for at lease
three hours and hug him one last time before leaving
the White house an not looking back. 'Cause it really
is over. It has to be.


THE END.


*That was a lot more angst ridden that it was supposed
to be*


She was my once in a lifetime,

Happy ending come true.

Oh I guess I should have told her,

I thought she knew.


She said I took her for granted,

It's the last thing I would do.

Oh I'll never understand it,

I thought she knew.


I thought she knew my world revolved around her.

My love light burned for her alone.

But she couldn't see the flame,

Only myself to blame.

I should have known.

I should have known.


A heart full of words left unspoken.

Know that we're though.

I tell my soul to leave the silence unbroken

I thought she knew.


I thought she knew my world revolved around her.

My love light burned for her alone.

But she couldn't see the flame,

Only myself to blame.

I should have known.

I should have known.


She was my once in a lifetime,

Happy ending come true.

Oh I guess I should have told her,

I thought she knew.

I thought she knew.

I thought she knew

I thought she knew

I thought that she knew.


=====

 

 

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