This is just a little sidestep inspired by a story from another genre. It's for fun and by no means is this intended to offend. Please enjoy.

TITLE: Convention 

AUTHOR Catherine Semerjian 


DISCLAIMER I own nothing 



CONTENT: mild language 


SUMMARY A convention, but not the kind you'd expect.


CJ Gregg, Sam Seaborn and company walked through the long, looming hallway. Each person had an incling as to why they were here, but they said nothing to the others. Only Bartlet didn't have any real clue as to their purpose. He assumed that this was a regular diplomatic function where he could make a grand entrance, mingle as little as possible and leave without a fuss.

At last, they reached the end of the ornate hall. In front of them stood huge wooden doors with intricate symbols carved into them. As though on cue, they swung open.

Jed Bartlet did not gape.

But he did now.

In front of him stood a lavishly decorated party scene. There was a cocktail table, several rows of snacks, even an ice sculpture of the American flag dominating the centre of the room. What was most startling, however, was the fact that the people in the room all looked exactly like members of his senior staff. There were at least ten Sams, three Tobys', many Joshs' and the odd CJ here and there. The effect was quite disconcerting.

"What is going on here?" Bartlet demanded.

Leo shrugged at him and smiled. "It's a convention, Sir."

With that, the staff walked away to blend into the crowd, leaving the President standing at the doorway.

A Sam that was not *his* Sam approached. This version wore a suit similar to the original Sam Seaborn, in addition to a baseball cap placed backwards on his head. "Hi!" He said, waving enthusiastically.

"Hello," Jed said. "Who are you?"

The Sam was in the process of making a very large bubble gum bubble. When it popped, he was grinning. "I'm Kiddie Sam. But how can I be a kid if I'm all grown up? Huh. Well, bye." With that, he left, leaving the President still shaking his head.

"If only I could be that happy," a voice bemoaned from Bartlet's right. Jed turned to see Toby leaning against the wall, a doleful expression on his face.

"Why can't you be happy?" Jed asked.

"Because I'm Emotional Toby," the man replied. "And my emotions usually consist of soul wrenching grief, unstoppable tears and an obscene amount of self doubt. Of course, things could be worse."

"How's that?"

"I'm rarely stuck in a story with Ego Josh." Emotional Toby pointed to someone who was surrounded by a group of people.

Relieved that this bizarre situation was starting to numb his sense of confusion, Bartlet made his way through the crowd. On the couches he noticed nestled in the far corner of the room, he saw C.J and Danny making out. Then he noticed Josh and Donna, Toby and C.J, C.J and Josh, Sam and Mallory, Sam and Laurie and various other couples he would not have expected to get together in his wildest dreams.

At last Bartlet managed to wrangle his way to the forefront of the crowd. He saw Josh standing in the centre of the circle, looking like John Hoynes on a massive ego trip. "Yes, it's true," Josh was saying in a rather pretentious voice. "I really am the greatest thing going and nobody can prove me wrong because I'm absolutely wonderful. Yes, Josh Lyman really does have no faults. I am positively marvelous."

Needing no further explanation, Bartlet decided to wander for a little bit more. On the way to the snack table, he noticed CJ dressed in a Xena costume and decided to leave that alone. He also passed a Josh who was huddled in the far corner of the ballroom, bawling his eyes out. There was also another Sam doing the same thing. How very odd. Also, CJ, Toby, Josh and Sam were arguing about who had the least flaws.

"Hello, CJ," Bartlet greeted as he saw a version of his Press Secretary who looked almost normal.

Her lips moved, but no sound came out.

"Excuse me?"

After several more tries, Bartlet found his ear almost at the woman's lips just to hear what she had to say. "I'm Secondary Character CJ. It hurts for me to talk because I don't usually do it."

"Oh, you just rest your voice now." CJ nodded at his kind statement and walked away.


Jed Bartlet whirled around and saw Sam. He was dressed in dark jeans and a white T-shirt. He seemed more confident somehow, as though he'd gotten a massive ego boost in the past five minutes. He smiled at the President and several women in the vicinity lost consciousness.

"I'm Sex Symbol Sam, but every chick who falls for me calls me Triple S. Well, bye."

As he walked away, Jed caught sight of Zoey. Looking more closely, however, he noticed that something was amiss.

Her stomach was too round.


* *

Jed Bartlet woke up with a serious crink in his neck. He sat up to his full height and looked around, glad that there was nobody else around and quickly closed the link leading to the fanfiction websites.

Maybe he had been reading too much of the stuff lately.



If I missed a genre, feel free to add.



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