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Summary: CJ finds out exactly how Toby feels (Sequel to Midnight Conversation)
The rain was a perfect companion to the mood CJ was in. Twenty-four hours earlier she had been fine. Everything in her world had been going well. It had only taken one sentence, eight little words, to change her entire world.
"CJ." Josh said.
"If you don't hurry you're going to be late." Josh said.
"Yeah, I know." CJ said as she got up.
"I really hate these things half the time." Josh said.
"Are you okay, CJ?"
"Yeah I'm fine. Is there any reason I wouldn't be?"
"Not that I know of."
*************************************** One day earlier.
They had been fighting, and the entire West Wing knew about. Everyone was careful not to cross either of their paths. They all had the same wish, that Toby and CJ would resolve whatever they were fighting about before it became worse.
CJ knew that he was pissed at her. That was nothing unusual, he often was pissed at her. It was usually something that did not bother her at all, but for some reason this time it did. She didn't understand why it was bothering her. Maybe it was because they usually fought over work related things, but this time they were not. This time it was personal. Ever since Toby had told her a few weeks before that he had feelings for someone , CJ had tried to get him to tell the woman in question how he felt. She had been unsuccessful so far. She was really unable to understand his reluctance.
Later that day, Toby walked into CJ's office. She was busily typing at her computer and had not noticed him yet. He wondered why she was keeping at him to tell what he was feeling. It really did not make sense to him why she cared so much about this. It really seemed to him that she should feel that it was none of her business, after all she didn't know that she was the one he had been talking about.
"CJ." He said.
"Here's the copy of the remarks he is giving at the dinner for the Irish Prime Minister tomorrow night."
"Okay, thanks." She said as she took the papers from him.
"Yeah." He said as he turned to leave.
"You know you could ask her out for coffee tomorrow night after the dinner." CJ said.
"CJ." Toby said warningly as he shut the door to her office. "Don't start this again."
"Start what? I'm not starting anything."
"Yes you are."
"I don't understand why you won't tell her."
"And I don't understand why you keep mentioning this."
"I would like to see one of my friends happy."
"Then why don't you let Josh and Donna be your guinea pigs. We all know they are crazy for each other. So why don't you play matchmaker for them, not for me."
"They'll figure it out someday. You on the other hand won't do anything about your situation. So I think you need some help. You know you could give me her name and I'll set the two of you up."
"Well, it was worth a try."
"Just stay out of it, okay."
"I can't promise that."
"I've already told you why."
"Because you want to see one of your friends happy?"
"Isn't it my business how I live my life?"
"I don't think you are doing a very good job of it." CJ said.
"CJ stay out of it!"
"Then you'll tell her."
"What would you say if I told you it was you I was talking about then? It has been you all along!"
"Toby." CJ said in a shocked voice.
"It has been you from the beginning. I don't know when I developed feelings for you. I just know I did."
"Toby, you probably should go." CJ said.
"Yeah." He said and left.
Toby spent the rest of the day trying to forget that he had told CJ. He was so angry at himself for telling her. He knew that she was not ready to hear it. Finally he was unable to concentrate, so he went home. What he found when he went home surprised him.
"Hi." CJ said getting up from his couch as he came through the front door of his apartment.
"How did you get in here?" He asked.
"I showed the doorman my White House ID and told him I worked with you. So he let me in."
"I wanted to talk to you." CJ said.
"Listen about today..."
"CJ, it's okay. You don't have to say anything."
"Yeah I do." CJ said softly. "You flattered me today..."
Toby stood listening to her, and mentally kicking himself for angrily telling her everything earlier. He had known that she wasn't ready to hear it, and now she was doing exactly what he had expected her to do under the circumstances. She was letting him down gently. Just then something she was saying caught his attention.
"I honestly don't know how I feel about you. At this point I do think it is only friendship. I'm sorry, Toby, I really am." She said and quickly left.
CJ was unable to sleep that night. She couldn't get the look on Toby's face as she was telling him, out of her mind. It haunted her sleep the entire night. Finally she gave up on sleeping and got up to think. She wondered if she had been entirely truthful with Toby? She knew that she felt friendship for him, and she often had found herself wondering during the last couple of years if it could be more than friendship. But the timing had never seemed right. She wondered if the timing was right now?
The state dinner had been a tortuous experience for CJ and Toby. They both had know that it likely would be. They still were not talking, and the entire staff was wondering why. No one was comfortable with the idea of asking them what was going on with them.
During the night before CJ had come to a lot of conclusions. But she didn't know how to tell Toby of those conclusions. She wondered if after what she had said yesterday if he would even want to listen to her. She knew that she was going to have to find out. She would never be able to live with herself if she did not try to find out.
CJ lost track of Toby during the dinner. When she was able to spot him again, he was talking with a member of the Irish Prime Minister's entourage. It was perhaps during that moment, as she observed him from across the room, that she realized the full truth. She did have feelings for him. Why she realized it at that moment she did not know, but she had admitted it to herself, and now she just had to admit it to him.