Disclaimers: The West Wing and it's characters are the
property of Aaron Sorkin, Warner Brothers and NBC. No
copyright infringement is intended. No profit is being
made from this. The song "Lie to Me" is by Bon Jovi
and no copyright infringement is intended with it
Summary: CJ's thoughts after the events of 100,000
Spoilers: Anything up to and including 100,000
Countless Smoke Filled Bars
This was her private time. Her time to do what she
pleased. A time when the only reminder she was White
House Press Secretary was the pager clipped to her
waist. Her time was during the early morning hours,
when most sane people were still sleeping. She used it
to exercise, to think, and perhaps to flirt with a
cute guy. However, this morning she was alone in the
gym, and she wondered if what she wanted had not been
in front of her the entire time.
The State of the Union Address had been delivered two
days earlier, and the result had been a rise in their
polling numbers. She remembers kissing both of his
cheeks, and later he asked her to dance. At that time,
it hadn't seemed unusual. They had danced many times
before. She could recite a litany of the times they
had danced. There were countless smoke-filled bars
they had danced in. Somehow, she associated that
words, "if you don't love me, baby lie to me, cause
baby you're the one thing I believe, let it all fall
down around us, if that's what's meant to be, right
now if you can't love me baby, lie to me," with being
in his arms. They had danced in celebration, and as a
way to offer comfort. She could still remember dancing
with him at his wedding. She could still hear the
laughter in his voice, as he told her his best friend
should have been the one standing up there with him,
not his brother.
Two nights ago shouldn't have been any different than
all those other times, but somehow it had felt
different. At least for her, it had felt different.
She was certain that on the surface they had appeared
to be two old friends sharing a celebratory dance. She
wasn't certain what made it feel different for her.
Maybe it was seeing each other everyday for four
years. Their friendship had always been a long
distance one, and perhaps that was one reason it had
remained a friendship. As they danced, she realized it
felt good to be in his arms.
CJ abruptly stopped pedaling the stationary bike she
was on. No, it wasn't possible, not at all. He was her
friend, nothing more, nothing less. Yes, over the
years, she had wondered what it would feel like to be
in his arms. How it would feel to have all his
attention focused on her. How it would feel to have
his hands and his lips on her body. That was all it
was, just some idle wonderings. She didn't
honestly...no...alright maybe she did want him. In all
honesty she had wanted him for years. She had long ago
given up any hope of ever having him. She lay her head
against the bike handles. There was no one else in the
room, but she was certain she looked foolish as she
spoke aloud to herself.
"It's possible that I've fallen in love with my best
friend. " She lay her head against the handles again.
No, this wasn't good, or at least that was what she
tried to convince herself.
She had admitted it though, at least to herself. She
was probably in love with him. Now the question was,
what if anything, to do about it?