Disclaimers: The West Wing and it's characters are the property of Aaron Sorkin, Warner Brothers and NBC. No copyright infringement is intended. No profit is being made from this.
Author's Note: CJ tells Toby how she feels, and is worried about his reaction. (Sequel to Acknowledgments)
CJ opened the door to her apartment, and went inside. It had been a long day, and it promised to be an even longer night. It had been shocking to her to realize that she had feelings for Toby. She didn't know what to do about it. She knew she should tell him, but she couldn't imagine how he was going to take the news. Last night she had told him that she didn't care for him in that way, and now twenty-four hours later she had changed her mind. She wouldn't blame him if he shut the door in her face. Maybe that was the reason she was afraid to tell him. CJ finally realized that she was not going to sleep if she didn't tell him. She stood at the door to his apartment for a long time before she finally got the nerve to knock.
"Hi." CJ said when Toby opened the door.
"Hello." He said.
"May I come in?" CJ asked.
"What's going on?"
"I needed to talk to you."
"The same thing we were talking about last night."
"CJ, I don't think that is a good idea. I get the picture you don't have feelings of that kind for me. That's fine, I never should have told you about mine anyway. I really don't want to hear you tell me again that I'm just a friend."
"Toby, just let me say what I came to say."
CJ stood near the window as she started to speak. "I said last night that the feelings I have for you are just friendship. Toby you caught me off guard yesterday. I was shocked when you told me how you felt. I didn't know how to react, and I don't think I really knew how I felt."
"CJ you clearly said yesterday that we were just friends. There was no confusion in your mind."
"You know that I'm a master at hiding my feelings."
"Even from yourself?"
"What does that mean?"
"Toby I realized a few things tonight." CJ said taking a breath before she spoke again. "I think that I have feelings for you too." There, she thought, I've said it. That's all I can do. The rest is up to him.
"You're not certain?"
"I'm certain. It's just that I didn't realize it until tonight."
Toby looked at her for a moment. He really didn't know what to say, or for that matter what to think. He didn't want her to know that. There was no way that he wanted her to know that she had the ability to leave him speechless. Of course she could already be getting the idea.
"You're taking back what you said last night?"
"Yeah, I am." CJ said.
"Okay, I'm going to make some coffee and then we can talk some more." He said. He had to get out of there. He didn't know what he was thinking at that moment. Part of him just wanted to go to her and put his arms around her, but another part of him wanted to tell her to leave. He knew in the end that would not be the part he would listen to.
After Toby left CJ went over to the couch and sat down. She was so tired. She decided to lay down until Toby came back in. She was still asleep when Toby came back into the room. He stood watching her for a couple of minutes. He really didn't want to wake her up. So he found a blanket and placed it over her. He tucked it around her, and noticed that somehow she had managed to go to sleep with her glasses still on. He placed them on the table in front of her. He then kissed her cheek and left the room.
CJ woke up in the early morning hours. She quickly realized that she was still at Toby's apartment. She must have fallen asleep when he was making the coffee. She noticed that there was a blanket covering her, and that her glasses were on the table. She put them on and was able to really see her surroundings. She looked around the room for a clock and saw that it was three in the morning. Even though it was Saturday and they didn't have to work, she thought it was better if she left.
Toby woke up at his usual time. He went to check on CJ and saw that she had left. He couldn't help but wonder if they would even speak of what had happened that night. It was very possible that she would think that he had given up on her, and that he would have to convince her otherwise.
CJ was very certain that she had lost Toby, of course then again how could one lose someone they had never had in the first place. Somehow that afternoon she found herself back at Toby's apartment. She really had no idea why she was there, she had just ended up there. Just as she got to the door, Toby opened it.
"This is ironic." He said. "I was just coming to see you."
"You were?" CJ asked started to feel some hope.
"Yeah, come in."
"What time did you leave?"
"Toby," CJ started, "I'm sorry about yesterday. I know that I hurt you when I said all I felt for you was friendship. And it had to be confusing to you when I changed my mind about that twenty-four hours later. But it's the truth. I think there is more than friendship here. While I would like to know exactly what there is, I understand if you don't want to know after everything I've said over the last two days. That's really all I had to say. I'll go now." She said and started for the door. Then she turned around. "There's one last thought I want to leave you with, I think we would have been good together."
By the time she reached the door, Toby was standing in front of it. "You really didn't think I would let you go without saying something, did you?"
"I honestly didn't know."
"Well I'm not. I started this, and I'm going to finish it."
"I caught you off guard when I told you. I had no intention of telling you right now. I never thought that you were ready to hear it. You're reactions over the last two days did nothing but prove me right..."
"Toby." CJ said.
"No." He said placing a finger over her lips. "I stayed quiet and let you speak. I would appreciate it if you did the same for me. You fell asleep last night, before I could tell you what I really thought. I hoped you would still be here this morning, but since you weren't I'll tell you now. I have no intention of giving up on you. I'll give you the space you need to deal with this. But I'm not giving up on us being together in the end. I have strong feelings for you, and I think it would frighten you if I told you how deep they run, so I won't. It's enough to say that I'm not planning on going anywhere anytime soon."
"Do you think we can work this out?"
"Yeah, it's important to both of us. We'll figure it out."
"I really thought that you would be angry at me for all of this."
"You're just starting to figure all of this out. It's a little overwhelming. Don't worry about it. I'm not going anywhere."
"Okay." She said softly. "Don't worry I'll be back to myself in no time, and I won't be so agreeable."
"Oh, I have no doubt of that." Toby laughed. He looked at her for a long minute before gently touching her face. He then put his arms around her waist and kissed her. Toby then pulled back, and rested his forehead against hers. "We will make it work."
"I know." CJ replied. "I know we will."