See part 1 for disclaimer

Authors Notes:

~~~~~~~~~~~Denotes CJ's POV 

^^^^^^^^^^^Denotes Toby's POV 

***********Denotes a flashback


Itís funny, Toby and I have actually been getting along lately, I would even almost say that we are friends now. Well maybe not friends, but we are at least civil to each other right now. It has been a little strange, given our history and everything that has happened or could happen.


Paul was wonderful when I went back to California. We had known each other for years. In fact, we had been dating rather seriously before I started working on the Bartlet campaign. We decided that we would end our relationship, rather than try the long distance thing. When I went back to California after Toby and I divorced, Paul and I decided to try again. Then I went back to DC and Toby and I slept together. There was no way I could tell Paul about that. I knew that he realized that there was something bothering me. So he decided to take me to the beach six weeks after I came back from DC to cheer me up. I knew by that time that I couldnít live with the guilt of keeping it from him anymore. So I decided to tell him what had happened between Toby and I that weekend. But fate had something else in store for my life. That was the weekend I lost Paul.


Michael would be turning three soon. I like to mark all of the milestones of his life with a small party, so Iím having one on Saturday. Iím really looking forward to it.

So, I find myself standing in the door to my dining room watching Michael open his presents on Saturday. I canít help but smile as I watch him. He is so happy with everything. I open the door and find Josh and Toby standing out there.

"Toby and I have a meeting to go to in a little bit. So I just thought I would drop Michaelís present off." Josh says.

"Thatís fine. Just take it into him." I reply.

Josh takes the gift in to Michael and I stand in the foyer talking to Toby until Josh calls him into the dining room. I stay in the foyer and watch as Josh introduces my son to Toby. I watch Tobyís reaction closely and then see him whisper something to Josh and leave the room. Knowing him, and the situation, as well as I do, I wonder what is wrong. So, as he passes by me I ask.

"Whatís wrong?"

He doesnít say a word. He just looks at me and then away from me. I follow his gaze, and see that he is looking at Michael. He then leaves. As I close the door behind him, I wonder what he thinks he knows.



I didnít want to go, but Josh talked me into it. Maybe it was a good idea that I did go. I canít believe it, but the resemblance is undeniable to me. Michael Cregg looks so much like my younger brother David did at that age.

"Toby." Josh says as he gets into the car. "Why did you run out of there?"

"Donít you think that if I wanted you to know that I would tell you?"


Josh is quiet after that, and I find myself lost in my thoughts. Trying to figure out if it is possible Michael could be my son. If he is, he has to be the result of that last night we spent together. I remember when that happened and know that it is possible that Michael is my son.

When Josh came back from California, all those years ago, he told me that CJ was pregnant. I obviously assumed that the man she had been involved with was the father. I had always thought that if the child had been mine, she would have told me. Now I wonder why she didnít?



I find myself at the door to Michaelís room later that night. I canít help but wonder if Toby has figured out the truth. I know he will never understand what I have done. Hell, sometimes Iím not certain I understand it myself.



I knew that I had to confront CJ with my suspicion. It was something that I could not delay doing, but I didnít know how to approach her. Finally, after agonizing over it for four days, I went to her house.

When she let me into the house, she seemed a little surprised to see me at first. But she very quickly hid her surprise.

"Is there anything I can get for you?" She asked.

"No, but we need to talk." I said.

"What about?"

"I think you know, CJ."

"If you think that, then you should tell me what we need to talk about." She replied.


"Okay, so what is it?" She asked.


After I spoke, CJ quickly sat down on the nearest chair. I watched her as she took a few minutes to collect her thoughts.

"What about Michael?" She asked.

"He just turned three years old right?" I asked.

"Yeah." She said warily.

"Okay, then he was born approximately, nine months after our divorce was finalized."

"I was dating Paul at the time, remember."

"Yes, I know that."

"Okay, then why all the questions?"

"You know why!"

"I do?! Iím afraid that I have no idea why you are asking me all of these questions." She shouted.

"Am I going to have to spell it out for you?"




I had been living on borrowed time since I had started the Senate campaign. I knew that time was up when Toby knocked on my door a few days after Michaelís birthday. I didnít know how to react to him. I was defensive and I didnít want to tell him anything. When he asked me if I needed him to spell it out for me, I shouted yes.

"You canít figure out why Iím here?" He asked.

"No, I canít." I said defensively.

"Do you remember the last night you were in DC?"

As he asked the question, I wondered how he thought I could have forgotten that night. "Yes." I said quietly.

"Then maybe you know why I am here?"

"No, I really donít know." I said.

"Michael is the result of that night. At least that is the impression I have." He said.

"Oh, God." I thought. "He knows, he knows. What the hell am I going to do now?" But I didnít say that aloud, instead I said. "Then your impression is wrong."

"No itís not."

"I think I would know who the father of my son is."

"Then why donít you admit it?!"

I knew that I couldnít lie to him and say that he was not Michaelís father. The tone of my voice, my inability to look him in the eye or something else would give me away. I just looked at him and said nothing.

"Your silence says a lot" He said quietly.

"It does?"

"Yes, it does. You canít lie to me, but you wonít tell me the truth either. You know I can find out donít you?"

"What do you mean?" I asked warily.

"I can have a paternity test ordered." He said and turned to leave.

I stood there stunned for a moment. I donít really know why I was stunned. I knew it would come to this. It was just the shock of hearing the words come from his mouth. I caught up with him at the door.

"Toby." I said softly as his hand was on the door knob.

"What?" He said without turning around.

"You donít have to do that."

"You are not giving me any choice." He said.

"Look at me. I want you to look at me as I tell you this."

He turned around and I took a breath before speaking. "Michael is *your* son."

He looked at me a moment before speaking. "How can you be positive of that?"

"Because you are the only possible father."

"What about Paul?"

"Paul and I were not intimate then."

"I see."

"Iím not lying to you."

"I know that."

"What are you going to do?" I asked him.



"I have no idea." He said and left.

I stood there looking at the closed door for some time after Toby left. I wondered how I had gotten myself into this mess, and how I could fix it. If it could be fixed.


to be continued...


Future In The Past - 4



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