Disclaimers: The West Wing and it's characters are the property of Aaron Sorkin, Warner Brothers and NBC. No copyright infringement is intended. No profit is being made from this.
Author's Notes: I would like to thank AJ for the idea and for beta reading this.
There was no way she was getting sick. It was the most inopportune time imaginable for her to get sick. She wasn't going to let it happen. She really couldn't remember the last time she had felt this miserable. But there was one thing clear in her mind, she did not have a cold.
"CJ." Josh said from the door to her office.
"Yes." She said softly since her throat was so sore she could barely speak.
"You're not planning on trying to do the briefing are you?"
"Why wouldn't I?"
"I don't know. Maybe because you can barely speak."
"I'm fine, Josh."
"Okay, if you say so."
"I really am."
About an hour later CJ walked away from the press room, after calling a full lid. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt this miserable. It was probably nothing, and it would pass in a couple of days she thought. It had to pass. They were leaving for Morocco in three days.
She was surprised to find Toby in her office when she got back to it. "What do you need?" She asked.
"Do you have a copy of the memo on the Moroccan GDP and trade deficit?"
"Yeah I should have one why?"
"I can't find my copy."
"It amazes me that you can find anything in that myriad of papers on your desk." CJ said as she searched for her copy. "Damn." She said after a moment. "Mine's at home. I could go get it for you if you want me to."
"Yeah, but I'll drive you over there."
"Okay. Whatever." CJ said as she put her coat on.
"I'll just have to get my coat."
It didn't take them long to make it to CJ's apartment. But during that short ride, Toby realized she was very sick. He was almost certain she didn't realize how sick she was. When they got to her apartment, she quickly found the memo, and brought it back to the living room where he was waiting. Just before she reached where he was sitting, she started to feel lightheaded. Toby immediately noticed what was happening, and got up to steady her.
"Are you all right?" Toby asked as he slipped an arm around her waist.
"Yeah, I'm fine." CJ said.
"You need to sit down."
"You know that you're sick, don't you?" Toby asked after she was settled in the chair.
"I'm not sick." CJ protested.
"So that's not why you sneezed five times on the way over here?"
Toby placed his hand on her forehead for a moment. "I'm almost certain you have a fever." He said.
"I'm not sick." CJ said.
"You sound awful, you're running a fever, you're sneezing your head off, and you're coughing your lungs up. Now what conclusion would you come up with?"
"I'm not sick." CJ repeated but she sneezed just as she finished speaking.
"You were saying?"
"Okay, I may be getting sick."
"Getting? Do you have any cold medicine?"
"I think there's some in the medicine cabinet."
"Okay, I'm going to go get it."
By the time Toby came back into the room, he found CJ laying down on the couch. He sat down on the edge of the couch, and touched her hand.
"What?" She whispered.
"Here." He said handing her the medicine.
"That stuff tastes awful." CJ said making a face as she swallowed it.
"It's supposed to. It doesn't do any good if it doesn't taste awful. At least that's what my mom always said."
"I think my mom used to say that too."
"You should go lay down."
"If I lay down then I'm admitting I'm sick."
"And you're not sick?"
"No, I'm just a little under the weather."
"Okay." Toby laughed.
"You can go now. I'll be fine."
"I called and told Josh I was going to stay with you awhile to make sure you're okay."
CJ laid back down on the couch. Toby sat in one of the chairs working. After a while he was certain she was asleep. It seemed to him that there was no way she could be comfortable on the couch. He decided to carry her to her bed, and then leave. She was asleep and would be all right for the rest of the night. He would call to check on her tomorrow and offer to drive her to work.
When he picked her up, she laid her head against his shoulder. He was certain she was still asleep, until she started to kiss his neck. "CJ." He said.
"Hush." She said. "Just kiss me."
CJ woke up slowly the next morning. She was still sick, but she was starting to feel a little better. Somehow she had slept through the entire night. She was comfortable, and she really didn't want to move. When she finally did move, she discovered she was not alone in her bed. She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to remember what had happened last night. She remembered Toby driving her home, and realizing she was sick. He had taken care of her, and she opened her eyes again as she remembered more. She had kissed him. She had been in his arms kissing him. Then she realized she didn't remember anything after that. It didn't take her long to realize what had probably happened. They had slept together, and she didn't remember a moment of it. She sat up quickly and buried her face in her hands. She couldn't believe it. She had often thought she and Toby would eventually end up together, but she had also thought she would remember it.
"CJ." Toby said as he felt her sit up. "How are you feeling?" He lightly touched her back. She flinched when he did, and he immediately removed his hand.
"I'm feeling a little better." CJ said. Physically she was feeling better. Mentally was another story all together. She was hoping that he would not realize she was lying.
"Yeah, I'm going to wait until this afternoon to go to work. You should go now. I'll be fine."
"No, really I'm fine. Just go."
"CJ, we need to talk about..."
"Toby, just go please."
CJ watched him get up. Until that moment she had held some hope that they had not had sex, but when she saw him reach for his pants she knew they had.
CJ watched him leave in silence. She didn't know what she was going to do now. She really didn't know how she was going to face him everyday, but she knew she would have to find a way to.
CJ was well enough to go on the Moroccan trip. When they had been in the air for a couple of hours, Toby sat down beside her.
"How are you feeling?"
"I'm feeling better. Thank you for asking."
"I can tell you are. You sound a lot better."
"Toby, I really don't think this is the appropriate time to have this conversation. Why don't we just forget about it. It doesn't change anything between us. We're still friends, right?"
Toby cringed inwardly at her use of the word friends. In truth he wanted to be more than just her friend. He had always been good at hiding his true feelings, and this was another situation were that would come in handy. "Yeah, we're still friends, CJ."
There was a change in their relationship after they returned from Rabat. It was very noticeable to everyone. They couldn't be in the same room for more than five minutes without arguing. They were finding it impossible to work together. Josh tried to talk to CJ about what was going on, but she clammed up and wouldn't tell him anything. Sam thought of talking to Toby, but he knew Toby wouldn't tell him anything. Finally, Leo was sick of what was happening between CJ and Toby. Leo decided to make them work together. He hoped that would end what ever was going on with them.
Toby stood in the door to her office for a moment before going in. He had observed her a lot lately without her knowledge. He knew what was bothering her, but she wouldn't let him bring it up. He knew they needed to talk about what had happened but he didn't think she would let him bring the subject up.
"Yeah, I guess we do need to work on the statement." CJ said. "Come in."
When he sat down on the couch, she went over and sat down on the other end of it, and they started to work. As they were working, they started to move closer to each other. When she would lean forward, she could feel him looking over her shoulder. Once when they both got up at the same time he brushed past her. It was starting to confuse her. He had spent the last six weeks ignoring her, and now she couldn't understand what was happening. After they had been working for a couple of hours, he left to get both of them some coffee. CJ laid her head back against the couch for a moment. The truth was starting to dawn on her. She wanted him. She knew that now. She didn't know how he felt about her, and she didn't know if she really wanted to know.
"Toby, why are you doing this to me?" She said aloud. "Do you even know how confusing this is to me? Maybe it would be easier if I could remember the night that we slept together."
As she spoke CJ didn't realize Toby was standing in the doorway and had heard everything she had said. He cleared his throat to get her attention.
She jumped when she heard the sound. "Toby you scared me to death. How long have you been standing there?"
"Toby, how long?"
"Long enough. I heard every word you said."
"I didn't mean for you to hear that."
"That was apparent." Toby said. He stood on the other side of the room. "How am I confusing you?"
"Toby don't do this." CJ pleaded.
"We need to talk about it."
"How am I confusing you?"
"You're standing so close to me. Looking over my shoulder, touching me. It's strange."
"Because of what happened?"
"How much of that night do you remember?"
"CJ how much do you remember?" Toby repeated.
"I remember you picking me up. I remember kissing you and you placing me on the bed. I don't remember what happened after that, but it's obvious to me what happened."
"You think we had sex?"
"Even though you don't remember it."
"You really think that little of me. You think I would take advantage of you that way?"
"I thought you were asleep. Then you kissed me. Do you know how long I've wanted you to kiss me? Maybe that was the reason I didn't resist at first when you kissed me. It also could have been because I'm probably half in love with you. It's a little hard to resist when it is someone you love kissing you. I laid down with you on the bed and we continued kissing. Then you started to undress me, and that's when I stopped you."
"You stopped me?"
"You were sick. I really didn't think you knew what you were doing."
"But when I woke up..."
"I was still in your bed?"
"You wanted me to hold you, so I did. I didn't plan to fall asleep. I only planned to stay until you went to sleep. But I also fell asleep."
"The way you've acted since that night, it's probably a good thing I stopped you."
"What do you mean by that?"
"CJ, would it really be such a bad thing if we were to have sex?"
She couldn't look at him. She knew he would see it in her eyes, and she wasn't sure she wanted him to know. It would change so much between them, but then again so much had already been changed.
Toby watched her closely. He walked over to the couch, and sat down next to her. He then put his arms around her. When she didn't resist, he started to kiss her. She didn't resist that either, in fact she started to kiss him too. They continued to kiss passionately for several minutes. CJ finally broke away from him.
"We probably shouldn't do this here." CJ said.
"No, we shouldn't."
"You could come home with me though."
"Toby, I wasn't as much out of my mind that night as you seem to think I was." CJ said. "I want you to come home with me."
"CJ are you certain?"
"Toby, just come with me and I'll show you how certain I am."
CJ snuggled against Toby as she woke up the next morning. She smiled to herself for a moment. She looked at him, and saw he was still asleep. She thought of waking him up, but decided not to. She laid her head against his chest, and waited for him to wake up.
"Hey." Toby whispered as he stroked her hair.
She lifted her head from his chest and smiled. "Good morning."
"You know you have never looked more beautiful to me than you do right now."
"Yes." Toby said as he ran his hands over her back. "You don't regret this, do you?"
"Regret what?" CJ asked, as much as she tried she couldn't keep the laughter out of her voice.
"Why don't I just show you how much I don't regret this." CJ said as she started to kiss him.