TITLE: Something Funny Happened On The Way To The White House
RATING: PG (the sh-- word)
DISCLAIMER: I don't own them. Just borrowing. Aaron Sorkin is God.
NOTES: This is my attempt at a lighthearted, *funny* fic, something I haven't
really tried to focus on before. :) I've done my bits, but here goes for the
long shot. :) This is another segment of the "Kids Rule" Universe,
because of a few trace elements. It should also be noted that like Aaron
Sorkin, but unrelated to my worship of him, I love to write dialogue, so
there's a lot of that in here. :) Enjoy.
SUMMARY: Just a really strange day in the West Wing.
There are many givens about the universe. One, the human condition is a
mystery that will never be solved. Two, trying to understand the human
condition is asking to spend hours alone locked up in your home or office
until you finally either give up or go crazy. Three, closing an automatic
window on your fingers always, always, always hurts. A lot.
On that note, when Toby Ziegler walked into the West Wing with three
fingers bandaged together, everyone decided that it was not a good time to
ask him a question. It didn't matter what the question was. No one was going
to ask it. He looked grumpier than usual, if that was possible, and the
bandage wasn't entirely a good sign. Of course, not everyone picked up on the
"Toby, what happened?" Sam cried in shock.
"Sam, shut up." Toby barked and disappeared into his office. Sam
and then looked at the other people in the office. He then turned to go into
his own office and instead tripped over a chair leg.
"Nice move, Sam." Kathy's voice exclaimed. He looked up at her.
"Today's not looking very good, is it?" He muttered.
"No." She said with a smile. "Mallory's standing behind
"It's looking even worse now." He murmured and got to his feet. He
with a smile on his face. "Mal! What a surprise."
"Very graceful, Sam." Mal deadpanned. He shrugged.
"I try to keep gravity in check." He explained. She nodded in
and then pushed him into his office.
Another thing to remember, now that one thinks about it, is that when one
spills hot coffee in their lap, that hurts a lot too. One should be more
careful that way. Of course, the loud yelping coming from Josh's office told
Donna that he had not been that careful.
"OH SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!" Josh yelped. Donna opened the door
see him prancing around his office with a large brown stain in the lap of his
"Very graceful." She said with a grin.
"Donna! This hurts!" He snapped. She nodded.
"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. You have some other pants?"
"No, these *are* my other pants." Josh exclaimed. Donna sighed.
"Okay, I think I might have something." She said and went back to her
desk. At least she knew somewhere where she could get the pants cleaned and
then she could get these back. Jack would hate to have secondhand pants, but
it was for a good cause. Besides, Donna just wanted to see if Josh would do
it. She brought the present she'd gotten for her cousin into Josh's office
and presented them to him. "Here you go."
"Donna! I'm not gonna wear those! What the heck are you doing with
those?" Josh asked in shock.
"I got them for my cousin Jack's birthday. They're better than nothing,
Josh." Donna insisted.
"I am *not* wearing those!" Josh cried.
"Josh, do you want to wear your coffee-stained pants all day or these?
Cause that's your choice. Of course you could always go in just your
Donna suggested with a straight face. He growled and snatched the pants from
her hand. She smiled and left the office, closing the door behind her.
"Toby, can I talk to you?" CJ asked as she leaned into the
"I have a new motto." Toby exclaimed. She paused.
"What's that?" She asked after a long pause.
"'I can only help one person a day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow
doesn't look good either.' Get out." Toby said as he looked at his desk
was cluttered with what seemed to be ten tons of paperwork.
"We have a press gidget today--"
"Gidget?" Toby interrupted.
"I didn't want to say 'thing'. 'Thing' sounds so boring." CJ replied.
"Fine. We have a press *event* today. How's that?"
"Then why did you--"
"Gidget!" Toby exclaimed.
"Listen, the President is talking to--"
"He's talking to a bunch of High School Student Council kids. Little
'young adults' who want to take on the world. We've briefed, prepped and
downright prepared the heck out of it. What do you need me for?" Toby
"The President wants you to be there." There was a pause.
"WHY????" Came the angry response.
"Because he's the President and he loves to torture you. He wants you in
the Oval fifteen minutes before the event starts, which means you've got to
be there at 1:45. Have fun." CJ bade him.
"You're not gonna be there?" Toby asked.
"I'm gonna be managing the press, which means I get to watch." CJ said
with a grin before moving away. Toby mimicked her and then looked back at the
ever-growing pile. In fact, he was quite sure it had grown during their
conversation. He cursed.
"Ginger!!" He called. Who the heck did Bartlet think he was?
"Who the heck do you think you are?" Jed Bartlet snapped.
"I'm your wife!" Abbey retorted. Jed paused at this, thinking deeply.
"Jed!" She cried with an incredulous grin on her face. He was being so
childish. But God it was fun watching him.
"Are you sure?" Jed asked. Abbey rolled her eyes.
"No, I'm not sure. I'm completely unsure. In fact, I'm so unsure, I think
I'll just go back to New Hamp-" Her comment was interrupted by the gentle
pressure of her husband's lips. She pulled away from him. "Jed, don't think
you can just kiss your--" His lips interrupted her again, this time a
more forcefully. She slipped her arms around his neck and kissed back gently.
When he let go of her lips to kiss her neck, she continued. "--Way out of
this because I'm not going--" Jed sighed and pressed his lips to hers
"Mr. Pres- oh, sorry, sir." Josh's voice exclaimed. Jed moved away
"What is it, Josh?" He asked pointedly as he turned.
"I'm sorry, sir. I just--"
"Josh, what are you wearing???" Abbey exclaimed. Josh paused.
"My apologies, ma'am." He started.
"Josh, what are you wearing?" Jed asked, trying to keep a straight
Josh sighed and looked at his feet.
"I accidentally spilled coffee on my lap, and I need to change my pants,
and the only thing around that fit was this present that Donna got for her
cousin's birthday." Josh trailed off.
"Donna bought red leather pants for her cousin?" Jed asked, finally
cracking a smile. Josh peered up at the president with one eye.
"Um, yes, sir." He said weakly. Abbey couldn't take it anymore. She
walked out of the Oval office, closed the door and began to crack up. Josh
sighed and tried to relax. There was no point in tensing anymore.
"Josh, I think that it's a very nice look." Jed said, trying
not to do the same thing his wife had done. Josh rolled his eyes. "In fact,
think you should show it off. Why don't you come with me and Toby--"
"No, sir. No way. My pants will be done at four o'clock. I'm going to be
in no place other than my office--" Josh started to insist.
"Josh, lighten up." Jed ordered. Josh sighed.
"Now look at the big seal on my floor." Josh groaned and looked.
look back up at me." Josh complied. "Say, Josh, why don't you come
and Toby to the High school thing?"
"With all due respect--" Josh started.
"I'd be honored, sir." Josh grumbled.
Something Funny Happened On The Way To The White House - 2