TITLE: Something Funny Happened On The Way To The White House
DISCLAIMER: I don't own them. Just borrowing. Aaron Sorkin is God.
NOTES: See Part 1
SUMMARY: Just a really strange day in the West Wing.
"I need -- Josh, what are you wearing?"
"Shut up, Sam."
"Right. Anyway, I need to know when you want to see Cartwell."
"I don't want to see Cartwell."
"But you have to see Cartwell."
"The last time I saw Cartwell, she called me an idiot and had the waiter
throw me out." Josh exclaimed as he finally looked at his colleague. Sam
shrugged and moved to sit in one of Josh's chairs.
"But you have to talk to her about--" Sam started.
"I'm not seeing Cartwell." Josh insisted.
"Josh, you're the best we've got on 218, and Cartwell likes you. She just
didn't like you that particular day." Sam exclaimed.
"I'll say." Josh muttered. "You know, send Toby to talk to
"She hates Toby and Toby hates her."
"Better she mistreat him than me."
"But then he comes back here and mistreats us."
"So when do I schedule you with Cartwell?"
"Why don't you talk to Cartwell?"
"Because Mallory just told me that if I ever even look at 'that woman'
again, she'd truly hurt me where I don't like to be hurt, and I really don't
think she's kidding." Sam admitted with a shudder.
"Mal doesn't like Cartwell?" Josh asked with a frown.
"Apparently Cartwell is a fascist bookburner." Sam said. "I'm
surprised as you are. I never really thought of her as the pyromaniac
"This is all very comforting, Sam. What about Leo?"
"Mallory can hurt him just as well as she can hurt me."
"But she won't. That's the difference."
"Leo is busy with Black and Carter."
"Well, the President has me doing this thing with him and Toby at 2."
Josh admitted. Sam chuckled.
"Wearing those?" He said with a grin.
"Get the hell out of my office."
"Sir, may I just start off by saying... Josh, what are you
Toby asked in shock.
"Do I really have to through this again?" Josh whimpered.
"He spilled coffee on his lap. Now he has to help us entertain the high
school students." Jed summarized. Toby nodded.
"As I was saying, I really don't know why I'm here. I would be of much
more use if I stayed in my office and worked on the address for the Forbes
organization next week." He started again.
"You're doing this, Toby. You're doing it with me and Josh, in about
eight minutes." Jed said warningly. Toby cursed and looked away. Josh
grinned, glad he wasn't the only one being tortured like this.
"Sir, the students are here early." Mrs. Landingham announced as she
leaned into the room.
"We're on our way, Mrs. Landingham." Jed said as he grabbed the
of his two senior staffers and pulled them along with him.
"Josh, what are you wearing, dear?" Mrs. Landingham asked.
"I'm going for a new look." Josh deadpanned, sick of answering that
question. Donna was going to pay for this.
"Sam!" Leo exclaimed.
"I know!" Sam replied.
"What the hell did you do?"
"You're sorry? This isn't kindergarten, Sam! Sorry doesn't cut it."
"Leo, I'll fix it."
"You better. It's not my job to clean up after you, nor is it anyone
else's. It's yours." Leo growled.
"I know! I'm gonna fix it. I swear." Sam assured his boss.
"You better." Leo retorted and stormed back to his office. When he
reached it, he paused by Margaret's desk. "What did Sam do?" He asked.
"He accidentally confirmed for carnations to be at the reception tomorrow
and Cartwell is allergic." Margaret replied. Leo nodded and went into his
"Right." He muttered and sat at his desk.
"Hello, everyone. How are we today?" Jed Bartlet exclaimed as he
the large room with his two staffers behind him. The group of twenty-odd
teenagers broke into giggles as Josh swaggered in wearing nice, shiny,
glittery, red leather pants. Toby couldn't help but be slightly amused as
"At least you picked a blue tie." He whispered to his colleague.
white and blue, Josh." He added.
"Drop dead, Toby." Josh replied with a smile and clenched teeth.
"So what we're going to do today is have a little question and answer
session. It should be fun, right?" Jed asked, resisting the urge to kick
his staffers. "Then when that's done, we're going to go into the dining
for snacks and such, and you can just hang out and talk, and my staffers here
will be available for you guys to talk to." He added. Josh and Toby both
froze. This wasn't part of the deal.
"I really hate you sometimes, sir." Josh muttered.
"Agreed." Toby added softly.
"Is that a deal, guys?" Jed asked. The kids shrugged.
"We know the drill, Mr. President." One voice exclaimed. "They've
us through it about half a dozen times. We're not six-years-old like your
Christmas crowd." The voice continued. The three White House workers looked
in surprise at the end of the table.
"Dylan, be quiet." A teacher hushed.
"No, it's quite all right." Jed replied, a bit intrigued.
"Just asking you to keep in mind that most of us are less than six months
away from voting age." The teenager replied with a grin. Jed rolled on the
balls of his feet and smirked.
"I'll keep that in mind." He replied. "Let's get started, shall
"Senator Cartwell, I understand that you've... Yes, okay... Yes, I
understand. No, I didn't forg... Yeah... Okay, I got that. Yes... If
you'll just let me... I'll talk to... No, he's not... Can I just . .
. Good-bye, ma'am." Sam finished and listened as the line went dead.
great." He muttered as he hung up the phone and muttered softly to himself.
Was there any more spiteful person than that witch? He was honestly beginning
to believe that there wasn't.
"Sam." Leo's voice exclaimed.
"What'd I do now?" Sam asked.
"I don't know. What did you do?" Leo asked.
"I don't know." Sam replied.
"Neither do I."
"Then why are you here?"
"To find out when you're gonna talk to Cartwell."
"I just got off the phone with her. She wants me to meet her at the hotel
where she's giving a seminar tonight."
"Okay. Don't tell Mal you're seeing her."
"Are you kidding? I'm not suicidal."
Something Funny Happened On The Way To The White House - 3