TITLE: Something Funny Happened On The Way To The White House
DISCLAIMER: I don't own them. Just borrowing. Aaron Sorkin is God.
NOTES: See Part 1
SUMMARY: Just a really strange day in the West Wing.
"Where'd it go?" Toby asked as he looked around the room.
"Where'd what go?" Jed asked.
"The little ratty kid. Where'd it go?" He asked.
"She's not a ratty kid. She's a teenager with a mind of her own and she
reminds me a lot of you, so I wouldn't be one to talk." The President
"Mr. President, may I just take this time to say that I am deeply
insulted by that?" Toby asked.
"No." Jed replied.
"Whatever you say, sir."
"If you really think she's so bad, maybe you should look into changing
"I contend, sir, that she is nothing like me and that I am nothing like
"I contest that contention."
"Thanks a lot, sir."
"You're very welcome, Toby."
"What's Donna doing?"
"Donna is pouring a cup of punch on Josh's head."
"Okay, sir. Just making sure my eyes weren't deceiving me, sir."
"The press is gone, right?"
"No, sir. You can tell by the flashing cameras."
"Can I fire Donna?"
"We can always say she was trying to amuse the kids and the cameras, sir.
It's been a pretty lightspirited afternoon, excepting the rat."
"She's not a rat."
"She looks like a rat, sir."
"She does not."
"She does. She's got squinty little eyes and a sort of twitch."
"Go tell Donna that you're next."
"Everyone calm down. Yes, Jack?" CJ called.
"Why did Donna Moss just pour a 2.6 oz cup of punch on Josh Lyman's
head?" Jack asked.
"God, you know how many ounces it is? I don't know why, but my best guess
is because he's Josh Lyman. Katy?" The press secretary moved quickly.
"How long has Moss been working for Josh?"
"Since the campaign." CJ started.
"Has she ever poured anything else on him before?" A voice asked.
"Guys, we're here to focus on the kids. Just relax. Donna has mistreated
Josh in many, many ways just to make sure he stays normal. It's traditional
treatment for Josh Lyman." CJ exclaimed tiredly. The reporters chuckled.
sure Donna is just trying to entertain everybody at Josh's expense. In the
meantime, let's not forget the real reason why we're here."
"Donna, why did you do that?" Josh asked as he grabbed another
wipe off his face. "You are so fired."
"You've fired me before, Josh." Donna reminded him.
"I mean it this time." He growled.
"You were asking for it, Josh."
"I was not! At one point did I say 'Donna, please pour a cup of punch
over my head?' Cause I swear, I don't remember saying that. At all."
"When you called me a hussy."
"I was kidding, and if you look in the dictionary, 'hussy' does not mean
'solicitation for punch to be poured on one's head'."
"You shouldn't have called me a hussy, Josh."
"I'm sorry, Donna."
"Shouldn't you apologize too?"
"For pouring a glass of punch over my head!"
"You deserved it!"
"You really are."
"Sure, Josh. Okay."
"Fine. If you need me, I'll be in Maui." She replied confidantly and
strode out of the room. Josh frowned and thought about it.
"Donna!" He called as he followed in a huff.
"Ah, true love." Jed muttered.
"You notice that too, sir?" Toby mused.
"Yeah, I'm surprised you did." Jed said as he looked at Toby.
"You just live to insult me today, sir, don't you?" Toby asked.
"Yes, that is my mission in life."
"Is it in your job description?"
"No, just one of the perks."
"That sounds vaguely familiar."
"I'm sure I have no idea what you mean." Jed replied as he took a sip
his drink. Toby snorted and looked around the room. "Toby, I've been
to ask you. How *did* you manage to close a car win-"
"If you finish that question, sir, neither you, nor the secret service,
nor anyone else will be able to hold me responsible for my actions." Toby
interrupted calmly. Jed raised an eyebrow and took another sip of his drink.
"Look, there's your biggest fan." He pointed out. "There are only
minutes left in this event. You might wanna make peace with her before she
disappears. After all, how often does someone meet oneself in another
"She's nothing like me, sir."
"She told me a lot of nice things about the Lockheeds."
"The planes, Toby. I know you like planes. She likes planes. She also
likes boats, but I've never heard you mention boats, so I didn't men--"
"She likes planes?" Toby asked as he gazed at Dylan who was laughing
one of her friends.
"She's partial to P-51 Mustangs, or so I hear." Jed replied as he
Toby with an amused smirk.
"Interesting." Toby murmured.
"Very, I thought." Jed said with a grin.
"Doesn't mean she's anything like me." Toby insisted.
"Oh, of course not." Jed retorted sarcastically.
Something Funny Happened On The Way To The White House - 5