Arms Wide Open (Leo's thoughts during the night)

Rating: PG (one 'baddie' word and some thoughts....) 

Archiving: Certainly -- please let me know where so I can read what else you might have -- can't get enough fanfic :) 

Comments: I hope so. As every writer will tell you, it's the only payment we get for putting fingers to the keyboard and it's just plain nice to know if somebody likes (or dislikes) your story.... 

Plot: I wanted to explore some uncharted ground between Leo and another staff member. 

Have fun & Happy Holidays!!

 

I can't get that song out of my head. It's there - and he's there with it. Arms wide open - will I ever get a chance to take that again? He offered it to me, you know. Just a while back. And I was an idiot. Smirked at him and told him that 'boy you sure read that wrong' or some such crap. Maybe I was lucky that I didn't realize then that it was gonna be my last chance. Lord, if I had known that someday I would have to stand by helpless, not even able to touch him…. Jed did. I watched him stroke that boy's hair and I was jealous. It should have been me. But I - can't. I'm afraid. There's something going on that I don't understand and…. That's not true. The truth is that I can't let it happen. No matter how much I think I might want - that I know I want - I can't let it happen. He's not my son…and he can never be my shelter in the night. I can't go to him and now, he may never come to me.

Arms wide open - it's funny, ya know…. I did go to him that time when Jed had won the Illinois primary. That kid has some bear hug. I felt like I was being swallowed alive. I could have stayed there a while, I think. Just rested in him. Couldn't though. Even then he was taken from me. His father died. My friend. I guess that was the last time that I reached out to him….

He kept trying, though. Jesus, what those kids did for me. Trying to protect me, save me. I got pretty low there. I could have gone to him then. I think he would have let me in. He reached out to me - I remember the beat of his pulse against me - and I remember that I trembled. I don't know if it was from the shock of finding out that they knew or, that he was going to be there for me. They all were. Yeah, I could have accepted what he offered; but I'm a stubborn son o' bitch and kept them all away. Called 'em Abbott and Costillo, those two. They made some mistakes but, God, they tried so hard.

That song. What are those damned words…. 'If I had just one wish Only one demand I hope that he's not like me I hope he understands That he can take this life And hold it by the hand And he can greet the world With arms wide open….

Lord - God - I know that I'm not much use. I've pretty much fucked up my life down here with the booze and the pills and the fear. But if you let him live. If you don't take him from me - I promise - I swear -- that I will meet him with arms wide open.

I'm afraid….

 

The End 

     

 

 

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