TITLE: Having Fun After Hours
RATING: PG DL, Gen. Humour. Little ESF, but in the sense that he's being
totally freaked out, not that he's being like, killed in a firey inferno.
SUMMARY: Josh can't hold his liquor.
ARCHIVE: Yeah -just lemme know where so I can come take pictures, my little
baby fic's all grown up and out on its own.
FEEDBACK: Yes, please! To DanaSNRPG@a...
NOTES: "Gay Men + Drinks = Fun!! ::Bounce clap clap::" Kidding! This is
originated from the tales of this guy (Named Josh, ironically enough) I know
from drama and what happens when he gets drunk. Enjoy! Oh - and while some
may think from the previous notes that it would be considered slash, it's
really not - I still think someday Sam shall either marry Mallory or me,
so::grins:: Oh, and another note: This is meant to be humour. I'm not
trying to bash anyone or their lifestyle - like I said, this is based on
something funny that happened when a friend of mine got drunk. It's nothing
more, it's not saying anything about my opinions. For cryin' out loud, it's
all in fun!
THANKS: To Sarah - my cohort in finding Fun!! ::Bounce clap clap::
It was during the first drink that everyone began to relax and forget about
It was during the second drink that things got interesting.
The groaning had mostly subsided by then. Not entirely, but mostly.
It was no one's fault that a freak blizzard had struck, but everyone was
finding someone to blame. Sam blamed 1st Lieutenant Emily Loenbrau of the US
Coast Guard; Everyone else blamed Sam. And so, to try to forget they were
stuck there all Saturday night, they'd raided the kitchen of drinks and
munchies, set up a card game in Toby's office, and sat down to play,
flashlights on-hand in case the storm knocked the power out.
"Joshâ¦" Donna whined.
"What?" his speech was starting to become a little less precise.
"You shouldn't drink anymore."
"I had two beers."
"And you're about to have another."
"So you can't hold your liquor."
"Sure I can."
"Donna, leave him alone," Toby said distractedly, grimacing at his hand of
cards. Donna sighed and slumped back against the couch with a martini.
"Ante up, guys."
Josh stood, considering each movement, took his next beer, and walked in the
direction of his office. Donna stood to follow him. "Donna, let him be,
he'll be fine," Sam said, tossing a couple chips into the pile.
"Sam, you've seen him, you know he can't hold his liquor."
"Where's he gonna go, Donna? What trouble could he get into?"
"Ow!" Josh called upon slamming into the doorway of Toby's office.
he asked as he noticed everyone staring at him, jaws dropped.
"Josh!" CJ began, choking back giggles. "You're wearing.... "
"That's my dress!" Donna squealed.
Josh nodded. "Yep." He stood there with a grin on his face. He had removed
his pants at some point and put on Donna's change of clothes over his dress
shirt and tie, looking as though he was wearing a sort of grotesque jumper.
"Josh, um, why are you wearing a skirt?"
"'Cause I can." Josh shrugged. "'Cause I'm gay."
There was a moment of stunned silence. "What?!" Sam demanded.
"Aw, Sam, don't look so surprised. I figured you'd already guessed! I
you knew about my crush on you!"
"Your WHAT?!" Sam's eyes bugged out of his head. So did Donna's.
"You're beautiful, Sam, you really are, those lips, your eyes, Sam, those
beautiful sapphires. And you've got great arms, and the pecs, you work out
more than I do, I guess! Absolutely beautiful."
Sam looked like a deer caught in the headlights. "Josh, er, what the hell?"
"Don't act so surprised."
"Why wouldn't I be? Josh, all the bills, your talking to Matt, the
homosexual marriages, gays in the military!"
"I don't have to worry about that. I'm not in the Army; I'm in 'Saving
Private Ryan; The Musical'!" He stood up on Toby's desk, a little wobbly, and
began to sing - if you could call it singing - a song he was making up off
the top of his drunken head, loudly and off-key with flailing arms. "I'm
just trying... to save Ryan!"
"That doesn't' rhyme," Toby stated.
"Sure it does," Josh protested.
"'Trying' doesn't rhyme with 'Ryan'."
"Toby, you realize you're arguing with a drunken man wearing a skirt who's
just hit on Sam about whether or not two words of a made-up song rhyme,
right?" CJ asked.
Josh started singing again, to the tune of Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy. "He was
a sweet construction worker out of Frisco Bay, and he would quite divinely
dance the night away - he was a sight in tight blue jeans! But then his
number came up and so he joined the Marines. But then he said 'e was gay, so
he was blown away by the nervous homophobic boys of Company A!" He finished
his song with a flourish. "You're not clapping!" he said in an accusatory
tone. Everyone clapped their hands about five times each, and Josh gave an
elaborate bow, falling off Toby's desk and landing at Sam's feet. "Help me
up, Sam." Sam looked afraid. "Help me up."
"I just want help up, Sam, it doesn't mean I'm gonna sleep with you." Very
reluctantly, Sam helped Josh up, but Josh was unsteady on his feet and
knocked them both into a chair, Josh landing on top of Sam. "I would,
"Would sleep with you."
"Get off me."
"Okay." Josh struggled to get up and Sam scrambled out from under him.
"Josh, it's.... you should go to bed," Donna suggested.
"Okay. C'mon, Sam."
"C'mon, Josh. Bedtime," Donna said, leading him away.
Josh broke away from Donna momentarily. "Hey, Sam," he said in a dramatic
stage whisper. "Once Donna leaves, sneak away and come to my office. I'll
wait up for you." Donna pulled him away.
"Okay, I'm not going to his office," Sam said.
"Good boy, Sam! Lead 'em astray!" Josh called from the hallway. Donna took
him to his office and set up a little bed on the floor. "Why can't Sam put
me to bed?" Josh whined.
"Because I said so."
"But Donna, it's not fair!"
"You're just jealous 'cause I like Sam and not you."
"Sorry, Donna. I know you want me. But I'm gay now." He shrugged as he fell
into a deep and drunken sleep.
Josh rolled over, groaning at his splitting headache.
He sat bolt upright as his arm hit someone.
The first thought in his mind was "Donna?" followed by "CJ?" then
else?" Which was followed by panic as he looked beside him and saw the
familiar short dark hair and sleeping form of his best friend. "Oh, shit,"
he muttered. "Sam? Buddy, uh... " he laughed nervously. "... I was sorta
drunk last night, and I didn't! What happened last night?"
"You mean you don't remember?" Sam asked, rolling over, with a warm fuzzy
smile and a twinkle in his eye. He sat up, naked from the waist up.
Josh's jaw dropped, then his eyes began to wander around his office. His
pants were flung across his desk, Sam's shirt and tie and shoes... his own
shoes... "Oh, God!"
"What's wrong, Josh?" Sam asked with a light kiss to Josh's temple (and Sam
began to truly admire actors as he tried to hide his disgust).
"Sam!" Josh leapt back.
"Why are you pushing me away, Josh? You didn't push me away last night, quite
"What happened last night?"
Sam started laughing hysterically, throwing off the blanket to reveal he was
wearing pants. "I can't believe you bought it, Josh, you're almost as funny
hung-over as you are drunk." He stood and grabbed his shirt, walking off down
"Guess there was fun last night," Josh said with a nod. "Wonder what
the fun was."
All of a sudden, as he pushed back the blanket, all through the West Wing
laughter erupted as everyone could hear Josh's confused shouts. "I'M WEARING