In Too Deep

By Kasey

 

This takes place in the middle of 1.04 (I can’t remember the name!) in which Jenny leaves Leo…It includes a song, which is what I do, and I love feedback…so read it, lemme know whatcha think!

 

Oh, and I don’t own TWW…bummer.

 

~*~*~*~

Leo slept fitfully.  The bed seemed so large and empty…so lonely.  He kept dreaming a memory, like he was reliving his entire history with jenny - starting with meeting at a restaurant in Boston and ending with her leaving that night, a suitcase in hand, a hideously expensive Harry Winston pearl choker around her neck.

 

"Is it more important than our marriage?" Her voice kept ringing in his head, like a tape player that wouldn’t stop.  She hadn’t understood his point.  He loved her like he’d never loved anyone, but he was the Chief of Staff to the most powerful man on the planet, for God’s sake!  It wasn’t a 9-5 job in a cubicle, things came up.  And it wasn’t things like a single memo which would affect a few hundred people, it was an incident or two which would result in changing a potential national law.  Didn’t anyone who worked outside of the West Wing understand that?

 

Of course not, he realized.  Anyone would have to see it to believe it, and even if they saw it and believed it, who cared?  It wouldn'’ make up for the wrongs he'’ done and the events he'd missed.

 

When had it changed? He wondered.  Inauguration?  Illinois Primary?  Sierra-Tucson? 

 

All that time I was searching,

Nowhere to run to

Started me thinking.

Wondering what I could make of my life

Who’d be waiting

Asking all kinds of questions

To myself

But never finding the answer

Crying at the top of my voice

No one listening.

All this time

I still remember everything you said

There’s so much you promised

How could I ever forget?

 

Finally giving up on the idea of sleep around 6, Leo went downstairs into his empty kitchen and sat down at the table.  The "meal under silver" had been packed up by Ruth and placed in the fridge, the bottle of champagne sat in the tall hat on the counter, sitting in several inches of water.  The sight of it alone created another pang of sadness and regret.  For the first time in nearly seven years, he felt the instinct to just screw it all and get drunk, forget about it, make all the pain go away…

 

He made himself a cup of hot tea instead, not nearly as strong a drink as was needed when your wife left.

 

A single tear rolled down his cheek as he sat down again.  "Oh, Jenny, why now?" he whispered.

 

So listen, listen to me

You must believe me

I can feel your eyes go through me

And I don’t know why

 

The phone rang, shaking Leo from his revery.  He walked to the living room and picked it up.  "Hello?" he asked in the most "in control" voice he could muster.

 

"Dad?  Did I wake you?"

 

"No, Baby, how are you?"

 

"Mom called," she replied, not needing to say more.

 

"Listen, Mal, she just got mad because I came home late and had forgotten our anniversary.  It’s happened before, it’s nothing -"

 

"She wants a divorce, Dad."

 

I know you’re going but I can’t believe

It’s the way you’re leaving

It’s like we never knew each other at all

It may be my fault.

Being alone when I didn’t want to

I thought you’d always be there

I almost believed you

All this time

I still remember everything you said.

There’s so much you promised

How could I ever forget?

 

His daughter’s words froze him through.  "She what?"

 

"You heard what I said," she replied gently.

 

"But I…when this happened before…I’d bring her gifts and grovel at her feet and it always -"

 

"Maybe she got tired of you buying her forgiveness."  Her tone was gentle, but the words pierced his heart.  "Look, Dad, I’ve gotta go get ready for school, I’ll call you at lunch."

 

"What time’s that?"

 

"Lunch and Recess is 12-12:45, plus then I have a free period…"

 

"Can I take you out to lunch, then?"

 

"Sure.  I’ll be at your office about quarter after noon?"

 

"Absolutely.  I’ll talk to you then, Baby."  Hanging up the phone, he fell back against the couch.

 

"You’re up early," a painfully familiar voice stated.

 

"Jenny!" Leo jumped to his feet as though the President had entered the room.  "That was Mal…"

 

"Yeah."

 

"You came back…" he said in a hopeful voice.

 

"I forgot my briefcase, Leo, that’s all."

 

Listen, you know I love you

But I just can’t take this

You know I love you

But I’m playing for keeps

Although I need you

I’m not gonna make this

You know I love you

But I’m in too deep.

 

So listen, listen to me

I can feel your eyes go through me.

 

Leo’s face fell.  "You’re just here…for…"

 

"Leo, please," she said gently.  "Don’t make this harder than it already is, any harder than it has to be."

 

"Can’t we fix this?"

 

"No, we can’t," she whispered, tears glistening in her eyes.

 

"But before -"

 

"It’s happened too much in the past.  And we can’t do this anymore.  I can’t do this anymore."

 

It seems I’ve spent too long

Only thinking about myself

Now I want to spend my life

Just carin’ ‘bout somebody else.

 

"Does it mean we have to divorce, Jenny?  Maybe if we just…a trial separation?  I’ll move out awhile, then we can discuss this…"

 

"Maybe," she said as she picked up her briefcase, then walked out of the house - and Leo’s life.

 

Listen, you know I love you

But I just can’t take this

You know I love you

But I’m playing for keeps

Although I need you

I’m not gonna make this

You know I want to

But I’m in too deep…

 

 

 

 

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