By Lauren E-C
Archive: Sure, just show me where! : )
Spoiler: Pretty much every episode
Disclaimer: I do not own, nor did I create, this characters. They are the lovechildren of
Aaron Sorkin. I just like to dress them up and play house. Also, nor do I own anything by
Francesca Lia Block. Most of the writing style is taken right from her. Read her books!!
Author's Note: This is a... . unique...synthesis of The West Wing and The Weetzie
Bat Books by Francesca Lia Block... .it will make a whole lot more sense if you have
read them first, but it's still possibly enjoyable if you haven't.
The reason Donna Moss hated college was because no one understood. They didn't even
realize where they were living. They didn't care that Ford's Theatre was practically in
their back yard; that you could buy cranberry muffins and cappuccino from Cosi Sandwich
Bar right across from the Kenwick Gallery, and the sweetest sourest Cajun Chicken and
plantains and green beans at the International Food Court in Union Station; that the
squirrels were so tame they ate out of your hand; that Air Force One took off and landed
right there, and that sometimes nasty ladies wearing berets would speed down the roads,
talking on their cell phones, threatening to kill with their shoe anyone who crossed their
path, and not too far down the road was Roslyn, with its Newseum and Freedom Park There
was no one who cared. Until Josh.
Josh was the sexiest guy in Washington. Wherever he went he was followed by hordes of
adoring girls declaring their undying devotion. Josh was tall and very flexible (which
sent all of the haremites into gutter thoughts). He had curly brown hair, big brown
almond-eyes and the most adorable dimples. Sometimes he wore a long trenchcoat which
looked quite handsome on him in the rain (especially when he did his "poker
face"). Sometimes he wore jeans and navy blue sweaters, or Gorton's fishmerman
clothes with a white tanktop. Many people wanted to ask him why he would wear such a
getup, but this was almost impossible. Because anyone who got near Josh would THUD to the
She was working in his office one day for no apparent reason (Later Josh found out that
Donna did a lot of things for no apparent reason). Under the long sensuous blonde hair,
the crystal blue eyes, the dazzling smile, and sensitive alabaster skin, she was really
"Who are you?" Josh said. Donna was wearing a smart Donna-ish outfit, complete
with underwear falling out of the pants.
"I'm Donna Moss? I'm your new assistant?"
Finally Josh gave her a nametag with a loving look.
Donna and Josh went to shows at The Kennedy Center, and waltzed around pools at ritzy
Hollywood fundraisers. They shared beer or french fries and told each other how annoying
In the daytime they worked in The White House, had potato salad and coffee, or went to the
beach. Josh taught Donna how to play pool. It was her lifelong dream to play pool-along
with playing the flute in front of a stadium of adoring fans while wearing gorgeous
pajamas. Josh and Donna got tan (well, Donna didn't get tan, because she had alabaster
skin and she used extra sunblock) and ate veggie-pepperoni-anchovi-pineapple pizza and
slept in the office.
"Let's put you on a stamp," Josh said flirtatiously, because he would flirt with
One night Josh and Donna were cruising around Washington, avoiding pieces of banana hurled
at them by rooftop snipers.
Suddenly a piece of banana hit Josh right in the head. "Ow!" he said, "I
think you should test my office every morning."
"We're not in your office," Donna reminded him.
"Whatever... . I have something I have to tell you"
"Okay, what is it?"
"I have to wait till we get to the White House"
At the White House, Josh and Donna bought sandwiches and two cokes. They watched interns
pushing carts of reports, press secretaries striding importantly down the halls, and
Batman and Robin arguing over a speech.
"What did you want to tell me?" Donna asked Josh.
"When I was four, I wanted to be a ballerina."
"Who, what, when, where, how-well not how," Donna said, "It doesn't matter
one bit, you crazy man," she said, giving him a hug.
"But you know I'll always love you the best and think you are a beautiful sexy
girl," said Josh, taking a swig of his beer.
"Now we can go shoe shopping together," said Donna, taking his hand.
It was obvious to everyone that Josh and Donna were in love.
"That is one slink-chunk jah-love duo," said CJ
"What?" said Toby.
Donna was arranging a bouquet of flowers on her desk.
"Who are they from," asked Josh
"A very sexy duck," said Donna.
Josh wouldn't show his jealousy. He hated how Donna always went for stupid ducks. There
were many kinds of ducks. Political pollster ducks, sleezy ducks, buff ducks, skinny
ducks, insurance lobbyist ducks, rich handsome self-involved ducks, creepy ducks who made
their girlfriends pay their way through med school, ducks in Duckmobiles racing around the
city. Why did she go for all of them? Josh sighed and went into Toby's office with Sam.
"Lillienfield is up our ass again," said Toby.
"Oh come on!" said Josh in his Josh-like way.
"He's complaining about the general morals of the senior staff."
"Well that's a surprise."
"I personally have great morals," said Sam, "I'm a moral guy. I believe
that everyone should be the epitome of...you know. . morality."
"Shut up?" said Toby.
"So what do you want me to do?" asked Josh.
"I don't know." Toby scratched his head and waved his hands around. "Do
what you...you know. .usually do."
"Is that why you called me in here?"
"No. I need you to go to the hill and try to get this tobacco bill rolling. The nose
count is 5:4 but something tells me the swing vote is gonna swing the wrong way."
Josh was walking down the hall. Donna rushed up beside him, almost bumping into him as
usual. The two speedwalked all the way around the building. This was the thing with the
White House. Since nobody had any free time to exercise, they made up for it by
powerwalking around the building. (and all the wild sex they had while nobody was
"Hey," said Donna.
"Donald hasn't called yet." Donna did her best nonchalant face.
"From the thing?"
Josh stopped and turned to face her, causing Donna to ram straight into him.
"Why do you waste your time on lame ducks like him? He's a total greaseburger!
Besides, you'd be Donald and Donna! You're wasting your time on Donald duck."
"Clutch pig." She flipped her blonde hair over her shoulder and strode off.
Josh sighed again. (And somewhere far away, several thousand haremites sighed too) He was
not happy, and he could not understand why. Yelling at people didn't help. Getting drunk
and yelling at Donna's roommate's cats didn't help. That night there was a celebration
with the President and his daughter Zoey's famous chili. It was the wildest cheapest
pepper and oregano and cumin and tomato chili you could get. And CJ danced like a hipster
lanka and lip-synched "The Jackal." The music curled around her like golden
rivers of warm honey. Normally these were times that crackled and glowed, but all Josh
could think about was that greaseburger Donald duck.
Toby sidled up beside him, holding a martini. "She's pretty good, isn't she?"
"So how was your venture to the hill?" Toby asked, sipping his drink.
"Love is a dangerous angel," Josh murmured to himself and drifted away.
Toby blinked. "Did I miss something?"
Donna kept falling for the wrong ducks.
"If you were in an accident I wouldn't stop for a beer," said Josh. They were
sitting at the reflecting pool watching the sunset.
"If you were in an accident I wouldn't stop for red lights," said Donna.
"Donna you don't stop for red lights anyway. And you have to learn that no parking
means no parking."
"Among other things."
Suddenly a flock of pigeons skimmed over the water, splashing Donna and Josh.
"Lanky lizards!" Donna shrieked
Josh took her wrists in his hands, laughing. Donna and Josh sat there covered in water,
staring at each other. Donna had never noticed how pretty Josh's lips were.
He kissed her.
A kiss about pecan pie, the sweetest slice. A kiss about rosebuds you have to gather now
because you might not be able to later. A kiss about twirling around a Hollywood pool
sizzling with champagne. A kiss about fireworks exploding behind the Washington Monument
and the reflecting pool spilling like tears all over your legs.
And there were a lot more kisses after that. In the car, in the restrooms of nightclubs,
in the elevator, under the waterfalls in the FDR memorial, on the mall. And in between
kisses they had double mocha cappuccinos at Starbucks, bought matching sunglasses and ate
lunch at Cosi Sandwich Bar. Donna always got vegetarian sandwiches and Josh ate
burnt-to-a-crisp burgers that would break if you dropped them on the floor. Everything was
slinkster-cool. Donna felt like a delicate white cherry blossom unfolding in the buttered
sunshine. She felt finer than the finest bagels and muffins in the land. Everywhere she
went was a collage of glitter and rose petals. All the sounds of DC fused into her own
song; the traffic, the sounds of the metro and street performers and tourists with their
cameras capturing the monuments for their albums.
And so Josh and Donna lived happily ever after in the world of marble halls and stone
statues and speeding berets and Latin-speaking Presidents.
One morning Donna woke up and knew something was wrong. The sunlight falling across her
Jessica Rabbit bedspread seemed sinister. The sounds of traffic outside the window were
like plastic skeletons on a charm bracelet.
She rushed to the kitchen. On the table was a letter.
I have to leave. The world is full of so much pain. How can we even be happy when people
are dying? Just because Zoey and Charlie aren't the same color and they love each other,
someone shot us. I can hear the sirens all over the building. This city is like a tomb. I
have to get way from it. But I will always love you, my angel-lanka Moss Baby.
Donna couldn't breathe. He whole chest felt tight and hot. Her heart was like one of
Josh's burnt burgers that had dropped to the floor and shattered into a million pieces.
She sunk to the floor, clutching Josh's t-shirt to her chest, rocking back and forth.
"Moss babies don't cry" she whispered to herself.
Hours later, there was a knock on the door. Donna opened it and saw a short woman with
wild witchy brown hair, a snotty look on her face, and a beret.
"Is Josh here?" the woman asked.
"No. He's not."
"I need to speak with him," she said, getting even snarkier.
"Well you can't!"
"Tell him I know where he lives, and he better listen to me. I have a Barbie Doll
that looks just like you. You'll be sorry."
And with that, the woman turned on her heel and slinked off.
Josh packed his backpack with sunglasses, his navy blue sweater, jeans, and a pack of CJ's
goldfish that he stole from her desk. He put on his trenchcoat and left.
On the streetcorner a black man with sunglasses and a beard was playing the saxophone. The
music was beautiful curly like smoke, but all Josh could hear were wailing sirens and the
shrieks of his sister in the flames. Each high note pierced his gut like another bullet.
He walked on, dark circles under his eyes.
"Hello Josh," he heard a voice say. It was Mrs. Landingham, sitting on a bench
overlooking the Tidal Basin. "Sit down," she invited in her Midwestern accent.
"Mrs. Landingham... .What do I do with all this pain?" said Josh.
"Oh dear...I went through that once. I couldn't reconcile all the hate in the
world. Your eyes see all of it, my dear, don't they?"
Josh nodded, his brown almond eyes softer than ever. Mrs. Landingham's voice was soothing,
and Josh felt it calming the jingle-jangle of his nerves.
"You just have to turn it into beauty, into love," said the old wise woman.
"And you are lucky because you have Donnatella for your love mate."
Josh looked out over the water. He thought about that night that he and Donna kissed for
the first time. His life was like a scale. On one side was the hate, the pain, and on the
other side, stronger and more powerful, was Donna. The world didn't seem so sorrowful with
her in it.
"Here, take these," Mrs. Landingham held out a paper bag full of warm
"Thank you," said Josh, kissing her on the cheek.
No one at the White House had seen Josh. Donna slumped in, hoping to find him there,
but his office was dark and lonely.
Even with Toby's shouting, the day seemed too quiet. Donna had nobody to follow around and
banter with. Her folder and Josh's appointment books sat alone on her desk. Her eyes
filled with tears. Then she knew what she had to do.
Toby appeared in the doorway.
"Donna have you seen.....what's the matter?"
"What time are we upon and where do I belong?" sobbed Donna.
Toby cleared his throat. "Excuse me?"
Donna stood up. "I have to find Josh. He's in my blood." And she walked out,
tossing a pouty look over her shoulder.
"Could somebody please tell me what the hell is going on around here lately?!"
shouted Toby to no one in particular. Cathy looked up from a bite of her donut. Ham and
Cheese stopped and stared at Toby, then continued down the hall.
Donna put on her scarf even though it was warm out. She didn't know where she was going,
but she was going to find Josh. She walked up and down the streets, looked in coffee shop
windows, in trees, on buses. She searched the Smithsonian at the Theoretical Physics
exhibit, but he wasn't there. In the backpacking store she saw a man with a trenchcoat but
her heart sank when he turned around.
"Where are you, my jah-love?" she whispered.
She bought a water ice and two soft pretzels on the Mall, and followed one of the paths.
The dirt kicked up in clouds around her shoes. The sky behind the Washington Monument was
pink and orange. It reminded her of the sunset when Josh first kissed her.
Suddenly she knew where to look.
Racing past the shirtless guys playing Frisbee on the lawn, Donna headed towards the round
pool in front of the capitol building. On the other side, she could see a lone figure
sitting there, slouched down, looking miserable. Donna's heart melted. She knew why she
had fallen in love with this man. He needed her. He was so vulnerable, so kind (when he
wasn't being a jerk). She walked around the pool and sat beside him. His eyes were red and
"How did you find me?"
"You're in my blood," said Donna. "Besides... . you're like, right in
the middle of D.C. It's not exactly a secluded place."
"You're mean," said Josh
"Among other things.
Josh smiled and wrapped her in an embrace.
"Come home, Josh Kosh B'gosh," whispered Donna
They pulled apart and Josh smiled. He slipped his arm around her waist and folded her
close as they walked home. Donna leaned her head on his shoulder.
"I love you," she said, taking a chocolate chip cookie.