This is a companion to Donna Moss Talks About Sex and Joey Lucas by
Laurel Alden.

I have my best face forward. I am a
Charming-Witty-and-Handsome-Political-Strategist, after all. I am a
Charming-Witty-and-Handsome-Political-Strategist, and I'm here to kick
some ass. Kick some ass and take some names. That is the agenda. A
little ass kicking, some name taking, and maybe I'll have a look at
Donna's Vogue when I think no one is looking.

I like the perfume inserts. I'm not ashamed to admit it. Okay, so I
may be slightly ashamed to admit it. What is slightly more embarrassing
is that I've been known to take the perfume inserts out of magazines and
smuggle them home with me, if I like the scent.

I have one on my bedside table that smells like Don—

What? Nothing. Never mind.

I'm a Charming-Witty-and-Handsome-Political-Strategist, dammit. Don't
look at me like that.

You may note that I haven't mentioned potential interactions with Joey
Lucas. I am going to do my best to ignore Joey Lucas. I mean, I'll be
polite, but I'm not going to flirt. No way.

I am not an idiot. Stop looking at me that way. I have a plan. A
strategy, if you will.

I'm going to ignore Joey Lucas because it drives Donna crazy. Donna
keeps bugging me to ask out Joey Lucas, which is just insane if you ask
me--I mean, look what happened the last time she encouraged me to do
anything Joey Lucas related. The sight of a wet Al Keiffer was enough
to give me nightmares for weeks. And so I, in turn, am going to do
everything in my power to ignore Joey Lucas, because disaster will
surely ensue if I follow Donna's advice.

That'll teach her. Okay, so maybe I'm completely irrational.

It's just--she's so smug. She reminds me of a meddling little sister.
She's driving me crazy. I don't understand what the fixation is with me
and Joey, anyway. She seems to have an overwhelming desire to see me
coupled.

AHA! That's it! If I'm coupled, maybe I'd be so fixated on my own life
that I couldn't possibly obsess over all the legions of local gomers
that pass through Donna's door.

Josh Lyman, Charming-Witty-and-Handsome-Political-Strategist AND
certified genius. That's me.

Okay, maybe more like certifiable. But I am a genius. 760 verbal!

Well, if that IS her evil plan, it's not going to work. Not only am I
going to ignore Joey Lucas, but I'm going to take even more of an
interest in these damnable gomers. Something tells me I'm not going to
like that.

This means war, dammit.

So Donna and I continue to drive each other crazy. She continues to
harass me about Joey Lucas, I sidestep it by bellering about numbers,
she makes this odd snorting sound and rolls her eyes, and I emerge
victorious. Well, sort of victorious. There was a tiny setback. I may
have done a miniscule amount of flirting when Joey first arrived. But
she started it.

My god. I'm a five-year-old, aren't I?

And then Sam called and I had to take off my Kindergarten-Josh mask and
put Brilliant-Political-Strategist in its place and forget all about
this for the time being.

This isn't over, Donnatella Moss. Not by a long shot. I will continue
to ignore Joey Lucas, as difficult as it is, and continue to harass you
about your gomers. It's not that easy to couple me, Donnatella. I'm
Josh Lyman, I'm a Charming-Witty-and-Handsome-Political-Strategist, and
you have to get up pretty early to pull one over on me.

I'm a Charming-Witty-and-Handsome-Politicial-Strategist, dammit. Hear
me roar.

 

 

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