Helping Hands

Part Three
Standard Disclaimers Apply

{AN: My reason for Donna having her name stitched on
her underwear is bizarre, but I kinda wanted to come
up with something really strange. :) Just to warn you
about its insanity.}

She's still staring at me. What is the concept of me
being helpful so bizarre? I can be very helpful. I'm a
few good deeds short of being a Boy Scout. Or a saint.

"Yes, I want to help you with this. I should make it
up to you. You know, for twirling around your
underwear in front of everyone," I say with a

She raises an eyebrow. "So you *do* admit to twirling,

"I'll cop to a moderate amount of twirling. And I am
the one who passed the Karen Cahill thing onto Sam.
So, in an indirect way..."

"I can blame you for all of this." She smiles in

"It's not *necessary* to blame me," I point out.

"But I will." She sighs contentedly. After a moment,
her expression changes. She looks suddenly panicked.
"But what if you mess it up more?"

"Don't worry, Donna. I won't mock her choice of
footwear, or talk about countries with similar
sounding names. And I know where my underwear is at
all times."

"Very funny," she says sarcastically.

"I know," I reply with a smirk. "And, if I do
something stupid, it will only affect me. So, you'll
get everything cleared up either way."

She relaxes, and smiles. "Thanks, Josh. Your niceness
quotient is almost equal to your idiocy quotient now."

"Very funny," I say sarcastically.

She smirks. "I know."

See? I'm going to do a good deed. I'm a good boy.

Okay, I admit. I do have some other reasons for my
good deed outside of kindness. I want to ask Karen
Cahill what that note meant.

Not only will this meeting make Donna happy, but it
will put my obsessing to rest.

Win-win on both sides.

Especially since *I* won't embarrass myself. Joshua
Lyman is not intimidated by Karen Cahill.

I turn back to Donna before I return to my office. "By
the way, Donnatella, why is your name *in* your

"You're going to think it's bizarre."

"I think the fact that you're over twelve years old
and still have your name stitched in your underwear is
bizarre enough that any *reason* will seem perfectly
normal," I reply with a smirk.

Donna sighs. "Okay. My mom sends them to keep
me from having an affair with a married man."

My eyebrows rise. "Excuse me?"

"Alright. Let's say I'm having an affair with a
married man," she says slowly, as if explaining a
difficult algebra problem.

I nod. "Okay."

"And I leave my underwear there by accident."


"If it has my name on it, the wife will find out who I
am and come after me."


"Thus, the underwear is a deterrent to having an
affair with a married man."

"Your mother's completely insane."

"I know."

"So that's were you get it."

"Bite me."

I need to meet Donna's family one day. They sound
interesting. To say the least.


Josh is coming to my rescue. I don't know if I should
be relieved or horrified. He does constantly suffer
from foot-in-mouth disease.

It's worth a shot, though.

Although he does have his faults, I have confidence in
this man. He can be wonderful. I've experienced his
wonderfulness first hand on countless occasions.

(This explains my earlier statement about being half
in love with him.)

So, I'm sure he'll clear this mess up.

And, anyway, I'm sure CJ will do him a favor if he
does screw it up.


The next day, I call Karen Cahill to schedule lunch.

(Donna is too mortified to make the call for me.)

She agrees to meet at one o'clock, after making a
comment about a 'roundelay of West Wing mishaps.'

"So, you're meeting her at one?" Donna asks in an
agitated voice.

"Yes. Calm down," I reply.

"You're sure you won't make this worse?"

"You've asked me that a thousand times. I'm going to
fix this, Donna. When this is over, you'll be so
grateful that you'll want to bring me coffee for the
rest of my life."

"Fat chance," she says with a smile.

She continues to remind to 'not do something stupid'
up until the moment I leave for the Cahill lunch. In
fact, the last words she says to me are: "Don't be
foolish, Joshua."

I only nod as I walk out.

A Boy Scout has no time to waste.


Okay, I have confidence in Josh. I'll reiterate that.
I just think he needs to be reminded to behave
himself. That is part of my job.

And he will behave himself. And Karen Cahill won't
think I want to see her naked.

All shall be right with the world.



Helping Hands - 4



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