Title: Our Two Consciences: Deru
Did you know that truth and trust share the same Indo-European root?
It's true. The root is deru.
Apparently the meaning of deru is to be firm, solid, and steadfast.
The minutiae of fact and figure is comforting to me now; since I guess
It's like comfort food. Only better. I have the best dreams when I
I'm going to have to get another one soon; the aroma is fading fast, it
It's possible the line between fantasy and reality is getting a little
How I wish life was the beautiful fantasy in my dreams, and not this
It's strange when you learn you've put your trust in someone who didn't
It's beginning to become less than obvious what's truth and what's not.
I begin to wonder if I can believe in myself. I mean, I'm the third
Who the hell am I?
I can't even trust myself. I don't even know myself anymore. I used to
I can't even bring the banter anymore.
With all this betrayal and hurt and confusion, I realize there's only
But can I trust her with the secret that could bring down the
I wonder if I can trust her to be strong through it all.
I don't trust myself to be strong through this.
But I fake it, I drink so much coffee my head spins and my stomach
And sleep brings such welcome respite; I can hold Donna's scent in my
And while I'm awake I feel a sick, queasy, black ache; it's fear.
All of this sick, queasy, black ache started with the password.
Is it just me, or is that the most inapt password you've ever heard,
And with that word, everything came together and fell apart and time
"Sagittarius," she said, cautiously and recklessly and quiet.
With that one word, Donnatella Moss changes the timbre of my life
My God; she knows.
She rescues me; she knows I want to protect her, but that I want her to
I make it sound like that's a happy thing, but my world was shattered
"You alright," I ask, praying that she's okay. Praying that she'll
"Yeah," she says. Just like that. She moves on, then. Telling me
She's stronger than I am in most ways. She might not have my 760
She has more faith.
She is, after all, the white light. The angel of idealism.
So it's not hard to figure out who told her. I think of how he said
I hope he was compassionate and nice with Donna.
I hope he spoke to her in that quiet, calm voice of his, the one that
It only feels that way.
I hope he was gentle with her.
So I go to Leo's office and I take Toby out into the hall and I think
I will hurt him if he hurt her.
"You told Donna," I try to restrain my voice but the words are a harsh
"Yeah," he says, in that tired, soft voice.
And then I realize that he didn't hurt her. He couldn't. Donna is
"Why didn't you let me," I ask, but I know the answer. Because I was
"You hadn't yet," he said, his voice soft and strained.
I'm afraid to ask the obvious follow-up. I swallow some pride and ask
"How'd she take it?"
"If everybody out there takes it the way she did, we may be okay," he
She didn't break down in front of Toby either. I think part of me was
I know, I know.
Sing it, Alannis.
So then we meet with Leo and all head our separate ways for the evening.
It's only when we're all called back again, so soon after separating,
There will be no sleep tonight.