So Hard to Forget
Disclaimer: These characters are the
property of NBC, Aaron Sorkin, or whoever. I'm not writing this for profit in
any way, shape, or form, but because I have a lot of spare time on my hands.
Author's Notes- Okay this is the second in the "Forbidden Series" and it
follows "A Forbidden Kiss". Like the first one, this switches back and forth
from Sam and Donna's PoV's and it is kind of a Sam/Donna fic, but there's also a
hint of Josh and Donna. You'll have to read it to see what I mean. Anyway,
that's all, so enjoy.
Couples: Sam/Donna, a little bit Josh/Donna
Spoilers: 17 People.
"They are beautiful aren't they?"
Donna asked me as I stood beside her desk, waiting for her to grab her things
It was 3 a.m and we were finally leaving the office. We had found
the funny at last.
Anyway, Donna's car was in the shop, so she had gotten a
ride in with Carol that morning, but of course Carol had long since gone home.
Donna had originally offered to take a cab home, but at this time at night that
wasn't a particularly safe option.
Josh had been planning on giving her a
ride home himself. But I live so closer, so I offered. So, that was why I was
standing there waiting for Donna to grab her things.
I was acutely aware of
the fact that this was the first time we had allowed ourselves to be alone
together since the kiss. We had spent time together since, of course. It would
have been impossible for us not to, but this is the first time it was just the
two of us.
And suddenly I couldn't get the moment out of my head. All I
could think about was how great it was to kiss her.
Suddenly, I realised Donna had asked me a question and I blinked.
"The flowers." She said with a smile, rolling her eyes.
I guess she attributed my distraction to
lack of sleep. Which is good. I didn't need to know why I was so out of it.
After all, that ship has sailed. It was already leaving port when the moment
happened and now it's long gone.
"Yeah." I said finally. "They're beautiful. Are you still
upset at Josh?"
Donna shook her head. "Nah. In his own way he meant way, besides
it's kind of sweet."
"The fact that you two have this argument every year?" I asked
with raised eyebrows.
Donna shook her head. "No. The fact that me leaving upset him
enough that he doesn't even
want to remember it."
"You mean a lot to him." I told her. We both knew that I meant
as more than just his assistant.
Her sad smile proved that. "I know." She said quietly.
"He means a lot to me too."
My own smile is slightly sad. "I know." I told her.
"That's why things are the way they are."
* * * * *
"Yeah." I agreed, knowing instantly what Sam was referring to.
"Because they have to be."
I looked into his eyes and for a long moment we
were frozen there, and I know that that kiss was replaying in both our of minds.
Finally, Sam looked away. "We should go." He told me.
"Yeah." I agreed, grabbing my stuff. "We should."
We turned and walked in silence out
of the building. Normally the silence would bother me, I'm not the type of
person who really enjoys silence, but right then it was a blessing.
All I could think about was Sam and what had happened between us. It was
wrong, I know
that. But... It was all I could think about for days. I really care about Josh,
I don't know what I'd do without him, but... I felt so alive when I kissed Sam.
And for days I desperately wanted to do it again.
Even though I knew that I couldn't.
* * * * *
The ride to Donna's building was just as silent as
the walk to the car had been. Neither of us said a word, we were both too busy
being lost in thought. When we got to her building, we both got out of the car.
It was then that Donna turned to look at me. "You don't have to walk me to
"I know." I told her. "But I want to. I'd feel
"Alright." She agreed.
We entered the building and a few minutes later
we were standing in front of her door.
"Do you want a cup of coffee?" She
asked as she unlocked the door.
"Sure." I agreed, following her inside. I
knew that it wasn't he wisest idea given the thoughts that had been running
through my head, but I couldn't help myself.
Donna entered the kitchen and
I leaned against the door frame as I waited for her to make the coffee.
"Hey Donna!" I called after a moment, suddenly remembering
"Yeah?" She calledback.
"Where are the demon cats?"
"They should be asleep in Carrie's room, but for the record,
"Ordinary cats who have problems with Josh." I corrected
"Sam, as most of Washington would tell you, having a problem with
is pretty ordinary." Donna told me as she brought the coffee over to me.
"True." I agreed, taking the coffee from her. "You know,
Josh would have a
fit if he knew you brought me a coffee."
"There's a lot of things Josh
would have fit over if he knew, but that he doesn't have to know." She told me
Before I knew what I was doing, I leaned over and put the coffee
on the nearest clear surface and pulled Donna into my arms. I needed to kiss
* * * * *
My brain kept telling me how wrong it was, but it just
wasn't registering. It felt so right to be in Sam's arms, kissing him again. It
felt like it was what was meant to be.
But I knew that it wasn't. As attracted as I was to Sam Seaborn, we
didn't have a future.
Even though nothing had happened between us yet, I knew that my future
was going to be with
another man. I knew that eventually, probably sometime after reelection, Josh
and I would get together.
I've had feelings for Josh for a long time. I love him.
But... On the other hand, it was so good when Sam and I kissed.
It was like heaven.
But I knew it could only last a moment. This wasn't
supposed to be happening, we were supposed to be forgetting this, repeating it.
Yet it was happening and neither one of us wanted to stop, but eventually we had
We broke the kiss and I stepped away from him.
"This can never happen again." I said quietly. "Can
* * * * *
"No." I told her. "It
can't. But unfortunately, that didn't stop us before."
"No," she agreed, "it didn't."
"So where do we go from here?"
Donna took a deep breath. "Nowhere." She said sadly.
"There's nowhere it can go, is there?"
"No." I agreed after a long moment. "There isn't. Not
without hurting Josh and neither
of us want to do that."
"I love him, Sam." She said softly.
The words hurt. I know they shouldn't, after all I've know it for years.
I knew the first
time I met her that something was going to happen between her and Josh and I've
been waiting for years for Josh to open his eyes and realised what was right in
front of him.
But all that was before I kissed her. Now... All I could
thing about was how good it felt to hold her in my arms and how awful it felt to
remember why I couldn't.
"I know." I told her finally. "And I know that
because of that this can never happen. You two are supposed to be together, we
"Yeah." She agreed sadly. She smiled slightly. "But
have to wish that things could be different."
I had to agree with that one.