Disclaimer: I don't own most of these characters but I wish I could.

How do I live

By Mer

Part 2

I remained in Josh's office long after he left. I was sitting at his desk and kind of staring off into space. I smiled as I picked up a picture of me and Josh that was on the desk. I noticed that the frame was chipped a bit, and I remembered that Josh said he had accidentally broken the glass. I had often wondered if it was really an accident or if he had done it in a fit of rage. But I never pressed the issue because believed me I deserved it.

I guess I am still in awe that Josh was willing to take me back. He had welcomed me back with open arms even after I was so cruel to him. I had abandoned him when he needed me the most, and yet he refused to let me go. And he refused to let me apologize to him because he said he knew I didn't mean it. He was really the sweetest guy.

I began to roll around absently in his chair. I thought about what I had wanted to talk to him about earlier. Even though I had my suspicions I had found out yesterday that I was only six months pregnant, instead of seven like we had originally thought. Six months meant that Josh was definitely the father. I cared about Robbie and all but I was absolutely thrilled that they were Josh's and not his.

I also found another shocker out, I wasn't having twins after all. When the doctor told me I got all sad, and she just laughed. She said I didn't lose a child I had actually gained one. Yup, that's right, I was going to be the mother of triplets. Oh boy wouldn't Josh go nuts when he found those things out.

The only bad part about telling him was admitting that I had seen my doctor without him present. He had begged to be included in every visit. And he had since we got back together. But I went alone this time to make sure that they were his babies. A part of me just had to know if there was even the slightest chance.

When I asked the doctor she said that I was barely six months. I told her that I though I was seven and she said that sometimes pregnancy is mimicked before it actually happens because that's what the mind wants. I guess I could understand that logic, but I didn't think I really wanted to have Robbie's baby. Oh well, whatever it was I'm kind of glad it happened because it led Josh to express how he felt about me. And I couldn't imagine what would've happened if I hadn't told him I was pregnant.

I mean I know that he didn't marry me just because I was pregnant, but I think that the pregnancy gave him an excuse to tell me that he loved me. I know we might not have gotten married so soon, but I wouldn't trade my impromptu Hawaiian marriage for anything.

What kind of world would that be

"Donna?" C.J. asked as she came into Josh's office.

"Yes." I said startled.

"I didn't mean to scare you. I just thought that you might have gone home or something." C.J. said.

"Oh, I was just taking a break and I got lost in thought." I admitted.

"I understand." C.J. nodded.

"It's my first time away from him in four months." I admitted.


Oh and I

I need you in my arms

Need you to hold me

"Yeah I understand. It's my first time away from Toby in six." C.J. stated.

"I went to the doctor yesterday." We both said at the same time.

"You first." I said once we realized what the other had said.

"I'm not pregnant." C.J. sighed.

"I'm sorry. I know how much you wanted to be." I comforted.

"It's okay. I was afraid of how Toby would react at first, but I guess I'm okay with it. I think he wants to try harder." C.J. smiled.

"Good luck." I laughed.

"Thanks. So what is your news?" C.J. asked.

"They are definitely Josh's." I smiled proudly.

"That's wonderful. Damn, Toby's gonna be really jealous now. Josh fathered twins the first time he tried." C.J. remarked.

"Actually..." I stuttered.

"Actually what?" C.J. asked as her eyes widened in surprise.

"I'm having triplets." I said as I watched her jaw drop.

"Oh my goodness. Triplets huh? What did Josh have to say about it?" She asked once she recovered a little.

"He left before I could tell him this morning." I said sheepishly.

"Donna why did you wait until this morning?" She asked.

"I guess I was trying to absorb it all in." I replied.

"Damn, Toby's gonna be pissed." C.J. remarked.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"Ever since you became Josh's assistant again, he's been acting a little funny towards you. I mean you had to have noticed it. Well, we talked about it last night and he was worried that you wouldn't be faithful to Josh..." She began before I cut her off.

"What?" I asked.

"He was just worried that you would cheat because you knew that Josh would raise the child as his own no matter what. But I think the real reason he was upset was that Josh was going to sort of be a father before he was. But now Josh is actually going to be the father, and of triplets no less." C.J. stated.

"What do you mean that Josh was going to sort of be the father? He was the father, I mean is the father. Biology isn't everything." I defended.

"Calm down I know. Toby has just been a little warped lately. I think he's just insanely jealous, because he figured he'd have kids by now." C.J. replied soothingly.

"Toby wouldn't address these concerns with Josh would he?" I asked in a horrified voice.

"He might, but I highly doubt he's that tactless." C.J. defended.

"Because Josh has been very protective about the twins...well triplets ever since we got back together. I think a part of him still believes me when I told him he couldn't love another man's child as his own." I moaned.

"Don't worry what can happen? Sam's there to referee any fights." C.J. stated but then laughed at the mental picture.

"By the way how come you didn't go to Buffalo with them?" I asked with a raised eye brow.

"I made fun of Notre Dame again." C.J. said as she looked at the ground.

"C.J." I said in a mock-disapproving tone.

"How was I supposed to know that the president overheard the conversation Josh and I were having?" C.J. moaned.

"What did you say?" I asked with a smile.

"I said that I could kick the mascot's ass." C.J. recalled.

"What?" I asked incredulously.

"We were talking about wimpy mascots and that was the first one that came to my mind." C.J explained.

"And what did Josh say?" I asked.

"I believe his exact words were yes sir she did just insult Notre Dame again." C.J. laughed.

"So he took your trip away?" I asked.

"Yeah because he knew how Toby and I had planned to spend our evenings." C.J. smiled.

"That's horrible. Ow." I said as I clutched my stomach.

"Donna are you okay?" C.J. asked in a concerned voice.

"Yeah they are all kicking pretty hard today." I replied.

"You sure?" She asked, not sure if I was telling the truth.

"Positive." I assured her.

"Okay, just checking. You'll let me know if anything changes right?" C.J. asked.

"You're as bad as Josh." I muttered.

"What?" C.J. asked.

"He doesn't have to use his wheelchair anymore but he threatened to make me use it, so I would stay off my feet and make it easier on myself." I said as I rolled my eyes.

"Maybe that's a good idea." C.J. said.

"I'm not an invalid, I don't need a wheelchair." I shouted but then I realized the insensitivity of my words. "Not that I minded when Josh needed to use it..."

"I knew what you meant. Josh would kill me if anything happened to you while he was gone. I think in his own little demented way he's glad I had to stay behind." C.J. replied.

"Have you ever thought that the conversation was provoked?" I asked realizing that Josh couldn't get out of going but wanted someone to look after me.

"Now that you mention it...Donna, remind me to hurt him when he comes back okay?" C.J. exclaimed.

"No problem." I smiled.

C.J. left a few minutes later and I remembered how she had changed her sentence at the last minute. No one ever talked about killing or wishing someone dead anymore. I mean I know that's probably a good thing, but I think everyone was choosing their words more carefully after what I had said to Josh. I hadn't meant to have started a trend. Josh was my whole world now, and I had about killed myself with guilt.

You're my world

My heart, my soul

I looked at my watch and I realized that Josh's plane was probably about to land. I had been sitting in his office for a really long time. I got up to go back to my desk, when I suddenly felt a little lightheaded. I also remembered that my doctor had mentioned something about me having a slight temperature yesterday. She said it was nothing to worry about.

As the room began to spin around I wondered if maybe something was wrong. I grabbed the end of Josh's desk to steady myself. I took a couple of deep breaths in order to regain my composure. When I regained it, I figured I should probably lie down on Josh's couch for awhile.

I slowly walked over to the couch. As I was sitting down the room began to spin faster. I tried to call out for help, but I didn't know if any words were actually coming out of my mouth. I felt myself slump the rest of the way on the couch. Something was definitely wrong. My whole body ached and the pain was beginning to become intense.


A weakened voice saying C.J.'s name was the last thing anyone heard before Donna blacked out

How Do I Live - 3



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