Disclaimer: These characters belong to Aaron Sorkin and the other people at NBC. And the song is not mine either.

I'll be

By Mer

Part 3

Man, something was really wrong with Josh. Why didn't he yell at me for being late? Why was he acting so...so nice? Don't get me wrong, Josh can be a nice guy but on a day when he is already mad about? Nope, something funny definitely happened while I was gone.

I went into his office and I checked his VCR. Sure enough there was a tape in there. I know there hadn't been one in there earlier because I had tried to find a tape that Josh was missing. He must've taped the press briefing. Since he wasn't going to tell me what happened I figured I might as well find out for myself.

I yawned because the briefing was so boring and so everyday-ish. Nothing really helped me figure out Josh's state of mind. Then the questioning began and that jerk Aaron asked Josh about his PTSD. How dare he? Oh God Josh what did you say? What headline is C.J. going to complain about now?

Wait, this is a good answer. Way to go Joshy!! Did I just call him Joshy? Oh man, this explains his attitude adjustment. He got a monkey off of his back. He was no longer afraid of it coming out and having negative fall-out.

And poor Josh has to keep looking at Danny for support. He should've been looking at me. He needed me and I wasn't there. Shit, I'm screwed. I started a fight with him because he didn't start one with me. And the reason he didn't start one with me was because he was still recovering from the shock of Aaron's question.

What am I going to do? I really care about Josh. I really, really do. But I really care about Robbie too. Hell, I'm probably having Robbie's baby. Which one is more important though? My boss or my boyfriend? But then again Robbie could be leaving and Josh doesn't even know that I have feelings for him. Why me?

I rewound and re-watched Josh's answer a bunch of times. In fact, I was still watching it when Josh came back from his meeting. I could tell by the way his shoulders were slumped that it had not gone well. Josh didn't look happy that I was in his office either. He just stared at his image that was on the television set.

"Josh." I said softly.

"Yeah?" He asked as he looked away from the screen.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"I hate to ask this, but for which event today?" Josh said as he flashed me a sheepish grin.

"I'm sorry for not being there for you this afternoon. I'm sorry for not being..." I began but he cut me off.

"Donna, I knew it was bound to come out sometime. Hell, I'm surprised that it took this long. I always figured that they would ask C.J. and she would put a positive spin on it." Josh replied quietly.

"But she wouldn't have done as good of a job that you did. You got them to give you a standing ovation." I noted with a huge smile.

"Aaron was going to print this story about me, a story that C.J. definitely would've blamed me for. But he changed his mind after he heard my answer. I guess he thought that I would duck the question." Josh replied, and yet he looked so sad.

"Josh, what's wrong?" I asked all concerned.

"There was a plane crash ten minutes ago." Josh stated quietly.

"Josh, plane's crash all of the time." I replied flippantly.

"It's still early but they believe that this one is due in part to that walk-out that everyone is working on." Josh whispered.

"Josh, how could that be? I mean isn't the problem just in Chicago?" I questioned.

"Donna, they fly planes out of other airports too." Josh said slowly.

"So where did it crash? I mean is there any survivors?" I asked not totally grasping the picture.

"They don't think there will be. Two planes collided in mid-air." Josh replied and gave me a look that begged me to drop the subject.

"I still think you did great today." I said changing the subject back.

"Yeah imagine that, I don't screw up once and nobody was there. I screw up and everyone is pouncing on me the minute that I come off the podium. It's not fair." Josh said pretending to pout.

"Oh you poor, poor baby." I mocked.

"Anyway, don't you have work to do?" Josh asked.

"No." I replied smugly.

"Oh yeah, when I was talking to you earlier I could swear that there was something you were leaving out. Would you mind telling me what that was?" Josh asked.

My face paled. Damn him, he could read my expressions as well as I could read his. How could I tell him that I was carrying Robbie's child? He would scold me for not using adequate protection and that I should have been more responsible. And I would tell him that the romantic getaway that he sponsored was the cause. No I couldn't tell him yet.

"Donna, you can tell me anything you know that right?" Josh said softly.

"I can't yet." I replied.

"I understand. But if you could please excuse me I have to call Toby and tell him about the crash." Josh said.

I left his office and I went back to my desk. Oh boy what was I going to do? If Josh could see through my veil, how long would it take Robbie? Or maybe he had already figured it out. I guess that could explain why he gave me the Josh lecture.

"Donna, seriously why do you continue to work for Lyman?"

"Because I like my job."

"You like your job? You like being ordered around and getting the man's coffee?"

"I don't get him coffee. Robbie, what is this really about?"

"The guy was almost killed, that could've been you."

"Robbie, you think I don't know that? Do you think that thought never crossed my mind? The only reason I wasn't there was because I asked Josh to let me go home."

"Donna, I love you and it scares me to think that I almost lost out on my chance to meet you."

"Well, blaming Josh for getting shot isn't a way to help matters."

"I'm sorry. Donna, I just think that you deserve better than him."

"Robbie, what the hell are you talking about? He's not my boyfriend, you are."

"I know I am. Baby, I'm going to figure this out. I'm gonna make this work."

I shook my head. How was he going to make this work? How was he going to make me choose between the two of them? I knew that was bound to happen eventually. Robbie would ask me to choose. How could I pick one over the other? Granted, Robbie was the baby's father but did I really want to be with him?

I glanced at the clock and noticed it was after six. I had been sitting there thinking for about ten minutes. I really should go home. I know that a plane crashed but most of the information wouldn't come until tomorrow anyway.

"Josh, I'm going home now." I called out.

"See you tomorrow." Josh replied weakly.

I knew that something wasn't right. I ran into his office, but he was sitting at his desk looking over a file. Nothing really seemed out of the ordinary. Whoa, I have to stop doing this. Josh is not going to break. I have to remind myself that.

"Is there something that you need?" Josh asked, looking up.

"Um...no. Good-night." I said.

"Night." Josh replied sweetly.

"Josh..." I said as I turned back around.

"Yeah?" He replied.

"Don't drink tonight." I begged.

"Excuse me." He asked incredulously.

"Please don't drink tonight. I know that you have had a bad day, but don't." I pleaded with him.

"I promise you that I..." Josh began as a look of mischief swept across his face.

"Josh, you have a sensitive system and I need to get some sleep tonight." I replied.

"Oh so you don't want me to wake you up, right?" He asked with a grin.

"No I don't want you to drink at all. Since you have to cover for C.J. again tomorrow, do you know how bad that would look?" I said laughing at the image of a drunken Josh that popped into my head.

"Yes, Mommy I promise not to drink tonight." Josh mocked.

"Oh well, it's your career." I said as I turned and walked out of his office.

I could hear Josh start to protest but then he stopped. I smiled; I could get some sleep tonight. I needed to think things out. I needed to prepare myself for whatever Robbie would propose when he came back. Oh man did I just say propose? I hope that he didn't do that. I wasn't ready to be Donnatella Alistair. Though Donnatella Lyman had a nice ring to it.

Why did I just think that? Why am I suddenly having these intense feelings for Josh? Where are they coming from? I thought I killed them off a long time ago. It was probably just because I was worried about him. Come to think of it, when was I not worried about him?

Robbie on the other hand had never given me any reason to worry about him. He was sweet and he was kind. He understood that there were times when I would have to break dates because of my job. He was comforting when I told him about Dr. Freeride and the others. He swore to me that he wasn't like that. And so far he hadn't been.

Robbie was the type of man I always hoped that I would find. He was sexy and he was funny. I loved being with him, but did I love him? I was going to have to figure that out. That would be a piece of the puzzle that I needed to put together before I had my answer.

I got home and there was a message on my answering machine from Robbie about his flight information. I thought that was sweet. I wrote it down on a pad of paper. He also promised to call me once he got to Germany. I would probably be asleep but the thought was appreciated.

I turned on the television and walked into the kitchen to figure out what I was going to have for dinner. They were talking about the plane crash that I was already going to here so much about. I wasn't really paying that much attention until they gave the two flight numbers of the planes that crashed. I ran and grabbed the pad of paper I had just written on.

No! No! That couldn't have been Robbie's plane. He had to have gotten on a later flight. They couldn't be saying that there weren't any survivors. Robbie couldn't be dead; he promised me that he would help out. No he couldn't have died.

I'll Be - 4



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