Disclaimer: These characters belong to Aaron Sorkin and the other people at NBC. And the song is not mine either.

This story is set a few months after Noel, but the episodes after it never happened.
This is also a sequel to I'll Be, and it picks up a month after that left off.

Show me the meaning of being lonely

By Mer

Part 1

I was having one of those good days. I was in an excellent mood and my wife was still my assistant. I still was gleeful that she agreed to marry me and there was even sort of a bounce to my step. For the first time in a long time, I was enjoying life again. And later I was even going to get to take a limo ride with the President. All I had to do was grab a file off my desk and then head to the oval office.

"Josh, I can't believe that you could be so cruel." My wife/assistant Donna yelled as she came into my office.

"Um, what did I do?" I asked, even though I was afraid of the answer.

"What did you do? You mean to tell me that you don't know?" Donna exploded.

I glanced up from the file I had been glancing over and gave her a weak smile. Donna responded by slamming my office door shut. The force caused everything to rattle. Donna was rarely ever this mad at me. I knew that my good day was pretty much shot to hell.

"This is what you did." She yelled angrily as a notepad came whizzing by my head. "I can't believe you, you bastard."

"Donna," I began calmly as I bent down to pick up the said notepad. "I'm..."

"You're what sorry? Ha." Donna said spitefully after she cut me off.

For the first time I was able to see what could be causing some of her anger, the notepad had a little stick figure of her ex, not to mention deceased, boyfriend Robbie. The reason that she knew it was him, was because I had stupidly chosen to write the name Robbie right under it. And there were a few words around it that expressed my distaste for the man. But in my defense I had done this well over a month ago, before we were married and before Robbie died.

"Donna, I can explain this." I said calmly.

"Oh sure you can. Here you go and marry me, telling me that you are going to be the man of my dreams, that all my problems will be solved. When the real reason is that you were trying to eliminate the competition from my mind." She screamed.

"Donna that's not true. I married you because I loved you and I wanted to be a part of your baby's life. I loved you from the day you walked into my office and gave yourself your job as my assistant." I said soothingly.

"Oh yeah. You hated Robbie, Josh. You probably threw a victory party when he died. Hell, you probably arranged the crash." Donna yelled.

My ears were really beginning to ring from Donna's screaming. I must admit I was glad that they broke up, as predicted. But I was saddened when he died, because of what his death did to Donna. She was blind with rage at the moment, so she wasn't listening to anything I was saying. It must have been something to do with her hormones, because she was pregnant.

"I was saddened by Robbie's death. And I did not cause it to happen." I said quietly, not to mention the fact that my cousin Amy, Joanie's best friend had also died in that plane crash.

"Oh I'm sure you were. Robbie gave you the opportunity to come riding in on your big white horse. He died and left me with child, so you took it upon yourself to marry me and raise his child." Donna yelled in a sarcastic tone that I swear should've broken some glass.

"Donna, I married you because I love you and I love your child, our child. I would give my life to protect both of you from harm. I would have married you even if you weren't pregnant." I stated gently.

"I doubt that. Josh I know your ego and how you can think much beyond yourself, and your needs." Donna shot back.

Donna's words were starting to fill up with venom. She was more than just yelling at me. Right now she was tearing me to shreds, piece by piece. I didn't know how much longer I could stay calm about this.

"Donna, I love you and our baby with all of my heart. I'm sorry that Robbie died, I really am. But I am not glad that he did. Having almost died myself, I wouldn't wish that on anyone." I said softly.

"Maybe you should've died." Donna yelled back.

"I..." I was speechless I had no comeback for that.

Donna wished I had been killed when I got shot. Oh boy, something was definitely not right there. I knew that I should say something in response to that, but I was afraid of sticking my foot in my mouth. I looked over at Donna and her eyes flashed with anger.

"I bet you would be angry if I wanted Robbie's name on the birth certificate." She said accusingly.

"His name can be listed as the father if you want." I replied, even though it was breaking my heart.

"Sure." Donna said sarcastically.

"Donna, I hate to cut this short but I have to go to a fundraising lunch with the President. Can we continue this later?" I asked calmly.

"I hope you die. I hope you get hit by a car or something." Donna replied angrily.

"I love you and I hope you don't mean that." I said as I tried to give her a kiss good-bye.

"Well, I'm damn serious about that." Donna responded as she twisted away from me.

So many words for the broken heart
It's hard to see in a crimson love
So hard to breath
Walk with me and maybe
Nights of light so soon become
Wild and free I can feel the sun
Your every wish will be done
They tell me

I walked out the door without meeting her angry gaze. I had barely gotten through the doorway when the door slammed shut again. It made an ominous echo. I headed to meet President Bartlett, still shaking from what occurred in my office. I tried to avoid the stares that everyone was giving me.

Donna and I had just had our first fight. Trouble was would we be able to survive it? A walk of gloom replaced the bounce in my step. My gleefulness about being married was also gone. To put it another way, my great day had just gone right down the toilet. And unfortunately, I knew it would only get worse before it got better.

Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart

Mrs. Landingham had her cookie jar out and ready for me. She told me to take two cookies. I gave her a weak smile as I pulled them out.

"You know Josh she sounds like a pregnant woman." Mrs. Landingham stated.

"You think so?" I asked, knowing that my face was losing all of its color.

"Yeah, hormones can make you do funny things." She said with a knowing smile.

"I'll keep that I mind." I replied praying that she was right.

"Hey Josh." Toby said as he came up behind me.

"What?" I said as he startled me.

"Calm down I'm not the one you're at war with." Toby snickered.

"Toby that's not funny." I replied quietly.

"Sorry. Hey I need to borrow you for a second." Toby stated.

"Go ahead Josh the president's meeting is running late." Mrs. Landingham assured me.

"What?" I asked after I got into Toby's office.

"Do you think I should ask C.J. out on a date?" Toby asked.

"Excuse me?" I said in a shocked voice.

"Do you..." Toby began to repeat before I cut him off.

"I heard you the first time, I was just a little shocked that's all. I wasn't expecting you to ask me that." I replied.

"Well, I figured that you didn't want me to ask what happened with Donna." Toby answered.

"No, I don't want to talk about the fight. And to answer your question, Toby I think that you should follow your heart." I responded with a smile.

"Oh yeah C.J. and I were over at the house last night and we finished staining the hallway floor." Toby stated, referring to the house everyone was helping me fix up for Donna.

"Cool. Sam said that he was going to put a second coat of paint in the master bedroom tomorrow. If I get a chance I'm going to work on the kitchen. Those cabinets need major overhaul." I responded.

"Yeah I know. So you think I should ask her out huh?" Toby asked again.

"Yes, I think you should ask her out." I replied with a grin.

"Okay. You know I'm still upset that you and Donna were dating under our noses." Toby replied.

I gave him a smile, but I couldn't tell him that we didn't date. I really don't think that anyone would believe us. We had just kind of skipped that part and jumped right into a three-day engagement. Toby was looking at me funny, so I decided to lie to him.

"Yeah, it was pretty easy come to think of it." I joked.

"I'm still jealous." Toby grumbled.

"Yeah well then you could've had a public fight too." I replied quietly.

"Josh, you guys had a fight. I've been married and Donna didn't mean it." Toby replied.

"Gee thanks, advice from a divorced guy." I snickered.

"Josh the president is ready for you now." Ginger said as she came in and interrupted us.

"Saved by a higher authority." I said smugly and walked out of Toby's office.

"I'm not finished with you yet." Toby said in a mock-threatening tone.

"Then I will tell..." My voice trailed off as I felt Toby's hand on my shoulder.

"Lyman unless you want to be a dead man." Toby threatened.

"I wasn't gonna tell her, sheesh." I said as I gave him a smile.

"Have fun at the dinner. I bet you'll learn some pretty interesting facts." Toby replied as he walked away.

Great, I hadn't thought of that aspect. Leo was home sick so it was going to be just me and the president at this function. I shuddered to think of the facts that he was going to tell me. Even Charlie had enough sense to ask for the afternoon off. Yup, this good day was definitely being shot to hell.

Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely - 2

 

 

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