Disclaimer: These characters belong to Aaron Sorkin and the other people at NBC. And the song is not mine either.

Show me the meaning of being lonely

By Mer

Part 3

One would think that it was a huge honor to ride in a limo with the President of the United States, and usually it was. But today it felt like more of a chore. I wanted to be with my wife. I needed to be with her. I needed to make her see that I needed her.

"Josh, have you been listening to me?" President Jed Bartlett asked.

"I'm sorry sir, my mind has been elsewhere." I replied realizing that I was about to get yelled at.

"I know," Jed replied slowly. "You and Donna had your first big fight, right?"

"Yes." I admitted softly, even though the whole West Wing probably heard us.

"Was anything thrown?" Jed asked slyly.

"A notepad, which was meant for my head, sir." I replied.

"Oh is that all? You've got nothing to worry about. My first fight with Abbey a vase was broken. Josh, you can tell how angry a woman is by the object they throw at you." He joked.

"Is that so?" I asked with a questioning voice.

"They'll scream no matter what, but it's the objects they throw that really give them away. If the object is something that can't really hurt you then they are only mildly mad. The heavier the object, the higher degree of anger." Jed assured me.

"What about the cruel words?" I asked.

"Like I said that comes with every fight. I don't think that their brains are actually connected to their mouths. Female rage is a strange thing." He joked.

"I hope you're right, sir." I replied.

Where was this coming from? The heavier the object the stronger the anger? I had never heard that before in my life. But then again he had been married for a long time. I still was having a little trouble accepting that Donna hadn't meant those words. It sure as hell sounded like she meant them. Well, not all of them anyway, but a majority of them sounded real to me.

"Josh, do you want to know why I requested you come along with me to this fundraiser?" Jed asked, interrupting my thoughts.

"Because Leo is sick?" I asked even though I meant because you want to torture me.

"Well, Leo was supposed to come along too, but no. I wanted you to come along to reward you." He replied.

"Reward me, sir?" I asked, almost laughing at the suggestion.

The reason I had stopped paying attention to him was because he was going on and on about fundraiser trivia. Until this car ride I wasn't even aware that there was such a thing. Nobody really wanted to be alone with him because he would spout off useless facts all day if you let him. I think only Leo had the power to make him stop.

"I know that we didn't take you along to Chicago. Leo was worried that you weren't ready. I tried to convince him otherwise, but he wanted to make absolutely sure." He apologized.

"I know." I replied quietly.

Leo had already apologized to me for that. I guess it was a good thing that I didn't go because then I might not of had the guts to ask Donna to marry me. On the other hand, I would never have met Robbie so I never would've had a reason to draw him on a pad of paper. I was sure that being married to Donna outweighed not going to Chicago, even if she did wish me dead.

"But I knew you were ready. You got the help that you needed and I could tell that you were your usual self. Josh, nobody blames you for what happened. I mean..." President Bartlett stuttered trying to find the right words.

"You mean that I have P.T.S.D?" I suggested.

"Yeah, Josh we went through a horrible ordeal. You almost died. And you held your head up high. You didn't complain even when you were falling apart inside. I respect you for that. I'm sorry that we didn't notice and get you help sooner." He apologized.

"Please don't worry about it." I said in the tone of voice that begs for a subject to be dropped.

"Josh, nobody was supposed to get hurt that night. You were almost the last person I would've thought to have been shot." He continued ignoring my plea for the subject to be dropped.

"Thank you, sir?" I replied in a confused voice.

"I didn't mean for it to sound like that. I guess we never realized how much you meant to this administration until you were almost gone." He stated softly.

"I know. I don't mean to be disrespectful, but could we please drop the subject?" I asked.

"Okay. But I meant what I said about Donna." He stated seriously.

"Um...okay. Look we are here." I said changing the subject.

I was happy that they were proud of me and all, but I wasn't too sure about his marital advice. Donna had never once been that mad at me. Even those times I showed up drunk at her apartment, or the time she found me in my office with women's lingerie. I knew that she was questioning my motives. But how do you tell someone that you need them and not have it be like a clique?

There's no where to run
I have no place to go
Surrender my heart, body, and soul
How can it be you're asking me to feel
The things you never show

President Bartlett and I walked into the building where the fundraiser was held. It was kind of gratifying to have everyone envy me. And there were some people from my fan club. At least I think they were because, pardon me for being so blunt, but I am much sexier than the president. So I've been told anyway.

"Josh?" Jed asked as we sat down.

"Yes, sir?" I replied.

"I forgot my briefcase in the limo. Would you mind getting it for me?" He asked.

"I guess." I replied a little glumly.

"I can have Ron get someone to get it for me..." President Bartlett said.

"I know. I'll get it, sir." I replied getting up from the table.

I walked back out to the limo. Secret services agents were swarming around it, but they relaxed when they saw it was just me. I grabbed the briefcase and was about to head inside but visions of the fight stopped me. I cursed to myself as I fumbled for my phone. I found it, but the battery was dead.

"Damn." I muttered.

I knew that Donna had probably already tried to call me. I felt in my pocket for my pager, but noticed that it was missing. I smacked the palm of my hand across my forehead.

"Smooth move, real smooth." I muttered.

I looked around for a pay phone. I knew that there was a phone in the limo but technically I wasn't supposed to use it. It was for emergencies and issues concerning the president only. Though, I thought it was an emergency, I figured that everyone else would object.

I continued to look for a phone when I spotted on across the street. I jogged over there. I wasn't sure if Donna was ready to talk to me. I waited a moment before I picked up the phone. I couldn't believe how much my hands were trembling.

I started to put the money in when, I heard an odd noise behind me. Before I could turn around I felt an explosion of pain on my back. I felt my head snap back and I had a sensation that I was flying. Suddenly, the flying stopped and I felt the cool cement. I felt immense pain, and I knew that Donna had gotten her wish.

You were missing in my heart
Tell me why I can't be where you are

I from my spot on the ground I could see a delivery truck driving away. I tried to yell for help but I knew my voice wasn't loud enough. The pain began to get worse and I knew I was about to pass out. Donna's angry words began replaying in my head. I cursed again as my mind faded to black.

Show me the Meaning of Being Lonely - 4



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