Disclaimer: These characters belong to Aaron Sorkin and the other people at NBC. And the song is not mine either.

Show me the meaning of being lonely

By Mer

Part 4

I had talked to C.J. for a while and then I had gone back to work. Luckily, for me Leo was home sick otherwise I might be out of a job. I had again tried to phone Josh but I think his cell phone battery was dead. Either that or he had it off on purpose to avoid getting a call from me. I hoped that his battery was just dead.

I started to feel really sick. I knew that it was morning sickness. I wondered why it was called that since I mostly got sick later in the day. C.J. saw me after one of my trips to the bathroom.

"Donna, are you okay?" She asked as she felt my forehead.

"I'm fine." I assured.

"Really because you feel like you have a fever or something. Josh, would kill me if he were here." C.J. replied.

"I'm fine really." I stated.

"I don't think you are. You had better go home." C.J. ordered.

"I'm fine." I stated a little more gruffly.

"I know why you think you have to stay but I'm not buying it. You are going home and there will be no more discussions about it." C.J. said firmly.

"But I need..." I began.

"When Josh comes back I will assure him that you went home sick and that you were sorry about what you said." C.J. assured.

I was about to leave when I remembered that I no longer drove in a second car. Josh drove us both to work, since it was pointless to take two cars. But we were however living in my apartment as a trade off. I said that I didn't want to live in his and we were planning to look for a bigger one in a couple of weeks.

"Hey Donna, you okay?" Sam asked me as he past my desk.

"I'm sick and C.J. told me to go home, but Josh will be mad if I take the car." I said lamely, not mention the fact that he would be mad that I left period.

"I can give you a ride. I have a couple of meetings on the hill anyway." Sam replied.

"Sam, my apartment is no where near on the way." I protested.

"If you'd rather stay and be sick here..." His voice trailed off.

"Okay, okay, you can take me home." I gave in.

I was glad that C.J. promised to talk to Josh for me and let him know that I went home because I was sick and not because I was mad at him. I knew that Josh would worry about me being sick, but I didn't exactly want to tell C.J. or Sam that I was having morning sickness. I had wanted to wait to announce my pregnancy, and now I was glad I had. I didn't need them freaking out about me stressing out.

I did however feel an ache in my heart. What if Josh didn't forgive me? I mean I said that he couldn't feel for anyone but himself, and he pushed his grief over losing his cousin aside to help me. I can be so stupid sometimes and I think it really is because I am a blonde.

Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart

"Donna, is everything okay between you and Josh?" Sam asked once we got into his car.

"I don't know." I said as I laid my head back against the headrest.

"Oh okay." Sam replied.

"I was wrong." I said softly.

"Josh loves you." Sam replied absently.

"I know." I replied.

"What was the fight about? What stupid thing did he do now?" Sam asked with a little laugh.

"Sam, please. I don't want to talk about it right now." I asked gently.

"I understand. I know that these things can be pretty personal. I'll leave you alone." Sam replied.

At least I could count on Sam for not pressing me too much. He knew when to leave me alone. Besides, he probably already had ideas on pouncing on Josh when Josh got back. I pitied Josh in that respect, because it was me yelling, but he was going to have do some damage control.

Sam and I rode in silence for a while. The silence was eerie so Sam switched on the radio. I protested at the first heavy rock station that he had on. So Sam went through until he found some soft music.

Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart

Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart

I started crying again as the song played. Sam looked at me kind of funny. After it was over he turned the radio off. The eerie silence returned. I didn't care anymore. All I wanted to do was talk to Josh.

"I didn't mean to make you start crying again." Sam stated.

"It wasn't your fault." I replied quietly.

"Donna, Josh is my best friend. I hope that you know you can tell me anything that you want to. I swear that my lips are sealed." Sam stated.

I had to laugh at that one. Sam was pretty bad at keeping secrets. Sure, he could keep them for a while but he would eventually be unable to. Usually, he told them to his assistant Cathy and then she would spread them throughout the building. I guess Sam hadn't figured out why no one really told him anything of dire importance anymore.

"I'm not really in the mood to talk right now." I said.

"I hope you die. I hope you get hit by a car or something." Those words just kept playing over and over again in my head. I knew that something horrible was bound to happen, because I had wished it. Little did I know that something had already happened by the time I walked in to my apartment.

Show me the Meaning of Being Lonely - 5

 

 

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