Disclaimers: The West Wing and it's characters are the
property of Aaron Sorkin, Warner Brothers and NBC. No
copyright infringement is intended. No profit is being
made from this.
Summary: Toby goes to see CJ after the events of "The
Fall's Gonna Kill You."
Spoilers: 17 People, Bad Moon Rising, The Fall's Gonna
Author's Notes: This is set in the same universe as "A
Sense of Normality" my post ep to "17 People".
Mesure of Comfort
He twisted the small rubber ball around in his hand
as he waited for her to return. Truthfully, he didn't
know if she would come, but he had to make the offer
nonetheless. It was the same offer he had made to Josh
a couple of nights earlier, and the same offer he
would make to Sam tomorrow night, that he would be in
his office when they were finished. It was the least
he could do. He wished he could do more for CJ. She
had realized he was lying, just as he suspected she
would. He had hated lying to her, but it wasn't his
place to tell her. He waited for close to an hour, and
then realized she wasn't coming. He suspected she had
already left, and his suspicions were confirmed when
her office was dark and empty. He knew then that she
wanted to be alone. He honored her wishes and went to
his own apartment.
The next morning when he got to work, he learned that
she was in the White House Counsel's office. He had
already had that experience himself. It was not an
experience that he wanted to repeat. The man was
almost as insufferable as Toby himself. He didn't envy
CJ's task that morning.
He didn't see her at all the entire day. He wondered
if she was trying to avoid him. More than anything he
wanted to be able to go talk to her. Maybe once he was
finished with Sam he would be able to.
Sam's shock was not surprising at all. It took quite
a while for Toby to be finished with him. Finally, he
was able to leave. He had not spoken with CJ since she
found out, and he desperately wanted to know how she
was taking it.
When he got there, her apartment was completely dark.
It was eerily reminiscent of the night he had come to
her, the night he had found out. He walked into her
bedroom and found her in the bed.
Walking to the bed, he quietly sat down next to her.
"Toby..." She mumbled.
"Yeah, I'm right here."
"MS." The initials she spoke were barely audible, but
they spoke volumes.
"You found out that night I came back from
"How...how did you feel?"
"There were so many emotions. I don't believe I could
narrow it down to just one."
He reached over to stroke her hair. She didn't move
away from his touch at all. He wanted to be able to
tell her everything would be fine. However, he knew
the words would ring as hollow to her as they did to
"I've been lying almost daily for years." She said
"You didn't know."
"If you say so."
"CJ, there's no way you could have known or
"Yes." He said although he caught something in her
"Even if in Manhattan, Kansas, I saw her give him an
injection." She regretted the words almost
immediately. "I'm sorry I shouldn't be dragging you
He squeezed her hand. "You couldn't have known."
"I should have asked!"
"CJ, you did what you thought was best at the time.
Don't beat yourself up over it."
"I should have..."
He sighed, she was almost as stubborn as him. "CJ,
what did you think it was?"
"I don't know. Maybe allergies?"
"There's nothing wrong with allergies."
"I know. I had to take shots daily from April to
October when I was a child."
"Logical conclusion then."
"CJ, leave it alone. You aren't at fault here."
"I should have..."
"None of us had any way of knowing he had a
"We did not knowingly participate in a cover up."
"That's not going to matter." She snapped.
He knew she was probably right about that and was
silent for a moment.
"Abbey didn't know they were going to tell me last
night. She wanted to be there when they did."
"I think she almost things of you as a daughter, or a
"Yeah." She moved to lay down. "I'm going to try to
"Care if I stay?"
"Not at all." She said, feeling incredulous that he
could think otherwise.
"Okay." He changed and laid down with her. He reached
out to hold her, hoping that the action would give her
some measure of comfort.