Chapter 3- The End of the Affair

 

 

Cassie took a deep breath in a vain attempt to calm her nerves. "There is something in the papers that I didn't anticipate."

"What?" Sam sat up in bed.

"Um, there is no good way to say this." Her voice began to waver as she blinked back tears. "Two days after I left you and went back to Boston, after my dad was elected, I had a...." She trailed off, unable to continue.

Sam was beginning to get concerned. "You had a what?"

"Miscarriage, I had a miscarriage."

He stared at her blankly for a moment, letting his brain process her words. "Mine?" He asked weakly.

"Yes." She choked out.

Cassie could see the hurt begin to register. "Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?"

"I didn't know. I found out in the emergency room. I found out as I was losing her, as I was losing our baby."

Sam pulled away from her. "Why didn't you tell me?" He began to raise his voice. "Why?" He got angrily to his feet and pulled on his pants and boxers. Suddenly he spun around to face her. "Your husband knew about this?"

"No. He was out of town; he got back three days later.... I'm sorry. I didn't see what good it would do to tell you after the fact. There was nothing you could have done."

Hurt and angry he finished dressing and moved toward the door. "How far along?"

"Five or six weeks. The doctor couldn't be sure." She brushed away the tears that trickled down her cheeks.

"I don't understand how you could not tell me about this." Most of the anger had gone out of his voice, he just sounded tired.

"Sam I..."

He cut her off. "I don't want to hear it." Sam walked quickly out the door.

"Shit." She lay her head down on his pillow, she could smell his shampoo and it made her want to cry.

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"Sam, can I come in?" Josh hesitantly knocked on the door to Sam's office.

"Fine."

Josh opened the door and found Sam sitting behind his desk, flipping through a stack of newspapers. "CJ's gonna have a fun morning." He commented sarcastically.

"Yeah." Josh dropped into a chair across from the desk. "You ok?"

"No, not really." Sam dropped the newspaper onto his desk. "I can't read anymore of this. They all say the same thing."

"The tabloids are a thousand times worse." Josh looked carefully at Sam. "You didn't know, did you?"

"No. Cassie just told me this morning, after she saw it in the papers." He remarked bitterly. "It never occurred to her that she should have told me before. I swear to God, sometimes I have no idea what on earth that woman is thinking. I had a right to know." He was beginning to rant. "It was my baby too."

Josh could see how hurt he was and he felt bad for his friend. "Maybe she was trying to avoid hurting you any more than she already had." He offered weakly. "Did you guys talk about it?"

"She tried to explain, I stormed out of the room."

"Sam this may be none of my business, but I'm going to ask anyway. Do you still love her?"

Sam let out the breath he had been holding. "Of course, it would take something not of this earth to stop me from loving her."

"Then maybe you should talk to her." Josh got up to leave.

"I will. Just not right now."

"Good." Josh left, closing the door firmly behind him.

 

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Part 2

 

 

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"Josh." He glanced up to find Cassie hovering over his desk. "I came to say goodbye, I'm leaving in the morning." She stepped forward and hugged him tightly. "I'll be back for the inauguration."

 

"Have you told him yet?" Josh stared deeply into her eyes.

 

Cassie turned her head away. "Not yet. I've told everyone else." She took a deep breath. "I'm going to do it now." She gave his arm a tight squeeze and walked away. She made her way back to the hotel and slipped silently into Sam's room.

 

He was sitting on the bed reading. "Hey." Sam patted the space next to him. "Have a seat."

 

She sat down next to him. "We need to talk."

 

Sam tossed the folder aside. "Yes we do. I don't want you to leave, ever." He cupped her cheek in his hand. "I love you."

 

She blinked back the tears that stung her eyes. "I love you too, but I have a whole other life in Boston. I'm running out of excuses to give my husband as to why I'm still here. The election is over."

 

"Don't go back, leave him, and stay with me." He said without thinking. "To hell with everything else."

 

"You must know how disastrous that would be for my father, not to mention for you." Cassie covered his hand with hers. "We could destroy so many things."

 

"I know." He admitted. "But I can't help myself. I love you, I want to marry you, have children with you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

 

There was a pleading look in his eyes and she almost caved, but reality soon set in. "You know that can't happen." She kissed him roughly. "Let's just make the most of the time we have."

 

He pulled her on top of him. "When are you leaving?"

 

She couldn't bring herself to tell him. "I don't know." Cassie pulled her shirt off over her head. "Stop talking."

 

He nodded his agreement and kissed her again, his hands moving to undo the clasp of her bra. They kissed for a long moment before she reached for his shirt, pulling it off over his head. He discarded his shorts and rolled them over so he was looking down at her.

They made love like two people who knew that everything could change tomorrow. People who desperately loved each other, but knew that their future was not going to be a happy one.

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After he was asleep Cassie crawled out of bed, grabbed her bag and stepped out into the hallway. She softly closed the door behind her, clutching her suitcase in her hand. When she looked down her knuckles were white and her hands were shaking. Cassie took a few steps down the hallway before her legs gave out and she sank to the ground. "Oh God, what have I done." Every instinct in her body told her to go back to him, to stay with him forever. But she knew better, it would ruin him, it would ruin her father. She got wearily to her feet and walked quickly down the hall and stepped into the elevator.

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Part 3

 

"I'm going to ask this again. What the hell is wrong with you?" Jed asked as soon as Cassie entered the room.

"Jed!" Abbey smacked his arm.

Cassie rubbed her eyes. "I'm sorry about all this. I'm sorry I could never live up to your expectations. What's done is done. I can't change the past." She got wearily to her feet. "I can't do this right now."

He stood up. "Wait one damn minute! We are not done discussing this...."

"To hell with it." Cassie stopped walking and turned to face her father. "I'm through apologizing. Whatever sins I've committed I've paid for and then some. I'm sick of you treating me like some kind of whore, it's my life and I'll live it as I see fit. You can go to hell." She turned and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

"Well, that went well." Jed uttered sarcastically as he sat down and put his head in his hands.

"You deserved every word of that." Abbey was watching him with an angry look on her face.

"I know." He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the back of the couch.

"Promise me that you'll fix this. I don't want to lose my daughter again." Her expression had changed from angry to scared.

"You don't think she'll leave again, do you?"

"I don't want to find out. I'm not going to watch the same thing happen over again. Jed, promise me."

"I'll fix it. I promise." He pulled his wife into his arms. "I love you."

"I love you too." She kissed him. "Go get back to work."

"Yeah." He slowly stood up.

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Cassie couldn't take the atmosphere in the West Wing anymore, she had to get out of there. She stopped by her desk and gathered her laptop and an armload of work and headed to the mess, where Margaret found her at noon.

"You ok?" Margaret sat down across from her.

Cassie glanced up from her computer. "No, but I haven't really been ok in years."

"You look like hell." She held out a sandwich. "Eat something."

"I'm not hungry."

"I don't care, eat."

She was too worn out to argue. "Fine." Cassie began to slowly eat the sandwich. "What's going on?"

"I think CJ is on the verge of telling the press corps to go to hell."

Cassie put her head in her hands. "This day just keeps getting better and better." She took another small bite of her lunch. "I really fucked up this time."

"The press will get over it. They'll find some new cheap scandal and this will all be forgotten."

"But not before my dad announces his bid for reelection. Things were just beginning to improve for the first time since the MS announcement."

"And things will improve again." Margaret squeezed her hand. "How's Sam?"

"Pissed as hell at me. Not that I blame him." She rubbed her eyes. "Maybe I should have told him. I just didn't see the point."

"Speaking of Sam..." Margaret looked over Cassie's shoulder.

"Hey Margaret." Sam stood next to the table. "Cassie, can I talk to you in my office for a minute?"

"Sure." She gathered up her things. "I'll see you later, thanks for lunch."

"No problem."

 

******************************************

Cassie followed Sam into his office and closed the door. "I'm sorry."

"I've put up with a lot from you, but this crosses the line." He dropped heavily into his chair. "You should have told me.... you should have stayed."

"That's what this is about. You're still mad at me for leaving you."

"Yes, that and you should have told me about the miscarriage. I had a right to know." He turned his face away from her as he voice softened. "After everything we had together you went back to him, you stayed with him."

"Why can't you let that go? I love you, I'm here with you now, isn't that enough?" She blinked back the tears that stung her eyes.

"I used to think so." Sam turned to look at her. "But not anymore.... I can't live like this anymore."

Cassie crossed her arms protectively over her chest. "So you're saying it's over?"

"Yes.... it's over."

"Fine." She turned around. "I always thought we'd be together forever."

"Well forever got a lot shorter all of a sudden."

 

"Yeah." She walked out the door, determined not to fall apart in front of him.

 

 

End Chapter Three...

 

Things Fall Apart - 4

 

 

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