Title : Boy, was I wrong. Part 3
Rating : PG-13 (some language)
Short summary : Donna's trying to get back her normal life and Josh is trying to find out what has changed Donna.
Other info : Refer Part 1
Josh had been nice lately. The past few weeks he's been kind of polite and doesn't overwork me. I can see he is trying hard to get things back to the way they were. He still hasn't acknowledged the fact that we were more than boss/assistant or even normal everyday friends since the shooting. However, I've learn to deal with that. It is better off this way as a relationship with him only bring about more tribulations.
Honestly I haven't really thought about me and Josh as an 'us' since the rape. I mean, I have thought about it but never really felt anything. I have just been analyzing how being an 'us' would bring so many negative situations. First, it would project a bad image to the administration which is especially bad before re-election. Second, we could get fired. Politics is Josh's life and I wouldn't want to be the one who ruins it for him. Third, Leo and CJ would kill us, or at least just Josh. Forth, Josh most probably does not feel the way I did about him. I say 'did' because I haven't been having any emotional feelings the past few weeks. But I'm assuming my feelings for a Josh are still there and will emerge back soon. So, maybe I can destroy whatever I felt for him before it comes back again. You see, I have been obsessing about me and Josh as it is the only thing that can keep my mind off the horrifying incident.
It is now two weeks and 4 days since the incident. I think I'm recovering from emotional trauma that I endured from the rape which we will now only refer to it as the 'incident'. I have been sleeping much better the past few days as I don't experience the images anymore. The cops called me about a week ago, saying that they could not find any leads and will have to close the case. I was fine with it as I knew it would be almost impossible catch the scum.
I came into the office early today. Just to get ahead of things.
"Hey Donna, how's it going? Could you come into my office?" Josh said as he passed by my desk.
Wow, that's definitely a step up from bellowing my named from his office with the door shut. Maybe I should also try to be nice to him. I have been pretty distant and not Donna-like. But can you blame me?
"Hi, Josh. You're ten minutes late." I said as I entered his office.
"Ten minutes late for what?" Josh asked me.
"Ten minutes later from the time you said you will be here. Not that it really matters. I'm just pointing it out your watch sucks." I said.
Josh looked at me slightly shocked. Probably because this is the first Donna-like comment I made in two weeks. I continued reading his schedule for the day.
"Okay.......Donna?" Josh asked me.
"Yup?" I said looking from the clipboard I was holding.
"Errrmm...How are you?" Josh asked me as if he couldn't think of any other words to say.
"I'm fine Josh. And yourself?" I asked with a hint of sarcasm in my voice.
"Donna....Donna...." Josh said, fishing for more words to say. Can you believe this man is a fullbright scholar?
"Josh, I've got heaps to do. Could you just say what you want to say before the re-election is over?" I said sounding a bit annoyed.
"Ya...Donna, I want you to know that you could talk to me about anything. Anything at all. Or if you need anything. I'm just saying I'm here if you need anything not just as your boss."
Wow, I so didn't expect that. Josh Lyman, proving he's not a total jackass all the time. I actually feel a little tingle in my stomach. I think this the first real emotion I'm experiencing. My heart is also beating a bit funny. God, this is getting a little overwhelming.
"Okay....thanks," is all I manage to utter. I also gave him a small smile. I think my eyes are showing that I'm grateful. I then leave his office without saying anything else.
Two weeks have passed since I told Donna that she could come to me for anything. Either she didn't comprehend what I said or was just plain deaf. You see, she didn't talk to me about anything. She didn't state why she's been as distant as she's been. She didn't explain to me why her eyes aren't as glowing as they used to. As you can see I am annoyed. How can I find out what's bothering her?
However, Donna has been a little better now. She started to bug me with some of her useless trivia and giving me some smart-ass comments. It's funny how I say she's 'better' indicating she's bugging me and being sarcastic. But that's my Donna. And you've got to love her for that.
Donna is looking rather gorgeous today, not that she isn't every other day. She was wearing a tight long sleeve black top with a wide neck and a rather short red skirt. When I say rather short, I mean just about 3 inches above the knee. Hey, this is the White House, you can't actually wear one of those ultra tiny mini skirt. Although I would love to see Donna in one of those.....snap out of it Josh Lyman....Not a great time to fantasize about your assistant when you have to attend a meeting about gun control in 30 minutes.
"Joshua! Fantasizing about your assistant this early in the morning? Get a grip on yourself." I turned to see CJ looking at me. Damn that door that connects my office to hers.
"CJ, don't you knock?" I said hiding my shock from her earlier comment.
"I did you doofus. But you were busy starring Donna to even hear it." CJ said in her usual 'you-are-a-total-dumb ass' voice.
"What? You're crazy. I was just occupied thinking about the gun control thing." I said lying through me teeth.
"Whatever Joshua. Here's something that might help you for that meeting." CJ said handing me some documents. She continued explaining some issues Toby discussed with her.
"Thanks CJ...hey, can I ask you something?" I asked CJ.
"Yeah. What is it?" CJ asked standing up from the seat.
"Well, have you noticed anything different about Donna? Like in the past month?" I asked.
"What do you mean?"
"She's been not herself. You know, quieter, less enthusiastic about every little thing. A couple of weeks ago, I told her she can talk to me about anything that bothers her but she hasn't said anything." I explained to CJ hoping she has a clue on what's going on with Donna.
"I guess she has been pretty dull and quiet for some time. But that's probably because you overwork her and it's finally getting to her. Boy, if I were her, I would have quit working for you long ago." CJ said.
"Thanks CJ. You've been a 'real' help." I said in the most sarcastic voice.
CJ sighed. "Look, I'm sure she'll come around. Give her some time off. But without her, you might go bezerk and only end up annoying the hell out of the rest us. So maybe giving her time off is not the best thing for the administration. Maybe you can give her a treat." CJ said looking as if she's given an incredibly wise idea.
"A treat? Like for a dog?" I couldn't help myself. And I received a smack on the back of my head for that....but it was totally worth it.
"No, you moron. Take her out. For dinner or lunch. Some place nice. Not Burger King or the Sloppy Joe stall around the corner." CJ said.
"Mmmmm....." I wondered if the idea was good.
"Or you could always confess to her that you're head over heels in love with her." CJ said as she was walking towards her office.
"Wha....What??? What???" is all I managed to say pretty loudly before CJ shut the door.
What does she mean by that? Was she kidding? Is how I feel for Donna that obvious? First Sam, now CJ. I thought I was doing pretty well getting over my feelings for Donna. Oh, who am I kidding? I was just fantasizing about her just a few minutes ago.
I decided life has to go on. I cannot mope around any longer dreading about the whole 'incident'. It has been about a month anyway. I decided to dress up a little 'nicer' today. I wore my tight black top and a short red tight skirt which contrasts with my top. Well, not that short. I do work in the White House.
Josh has been kind of distracted today. Probably because of the gun control matter. He seems to be just staring through the glass window. Is he starring at me? Nah, probably just into oblivion.
I spent the day getting heaps of work done as Josh was mostly out of the office and he wasn't there to bug me every ten minutes. I was proud of myself for the amount of work I've done and I even prepared more than needed for tomorrow.
I entered Josh's office at the end of the day when there was barely anyone left.
"Hey, Josh. Do you need anything else?" I would smack his head if he says yes.
"No. I'm done for the day as well." Josh said putting his folder away and getting off his chair.
As I started to leave his office, Josh said, " You wanna go grab something to eat?"
"No, that's okay. I'm just gonna head home"
"Aw, come on. You don't want to keep your good ol' boss company." Josh said.
I smiled. "Well, I've kept him company for three years. I'm sure he won't mind this one time."
"I'll treat you dinner. Come on. For all the work you've done for me, especially the last few days. Most assistants would have quit by now. The least I could do is take you out for dinner." Josh said giving me a full dimpled smile.
He's gonna make it so hard for me to say no. But I really am not up for it. I haven't gone out socially for a whole month.
"Wow, Joshua Lyman actually showing some gratitude towards his assistant aka slave." I couldn't help myself.
"So, you'll come with me?"
I took a deep breath. My smile faded. "Thanks but I can't. I have some stuff to do. Maybe next time." I lied. Well, not actually 'lied'...I do have some dishes to wash at home.
"What? What do you have to do? It's already pretty late at night." Josh said not giving up. What's up with him today?
"Josh, I really don't need to present you with details of my activities outside the office." I snapped back at him walking towards the door.
As I held the door knob, I felt Joshua place his hand over mine on the knob.
What does she mean she has stuff to do? Does she have a date? I can't handle her dating anyone anymore. I never could, but now I have an even stronger urge to prevent her from dating. For all you know, the gomer she's dating is the reason she's changed the past month.
When she walked towards the door, I realize just couldn't let her. I wanted to do anything possible to make her come with me. I couldn't give her more work, as I said I'm done already. I have to think of something. I have to think fast.
I held her hand when she touched the door knob. Oh, the lords!! The electricity I felt at that instant was something I've never felt in my entire life. My heart was racing and I believe I'm starting to see double. Some stronger unearthly force took over me that moment. Something I cannot explain. And I cannot comprehend what I did next.
I grabbed Donna's hand and pulled her towards me and pressed my lips against hers. What the hell am I doing? Then I felt a hard shove on my chest which caused me to detach from her lips and almost stumble to the ground.
I came back to reality. I saw Donna breathing heavily and loud. Her eyes were filled with anger and terror at the same time. I'm the biggest screw up of all time!
"Donna I'm.....I'm sorry...." I stammered not knowing what to say.
Donna turned around, walked out and slammed the door behind her. I'm the lower than scum.
That asshole!!!!! That mother f***ing asshole. He is lower than scum. Who does he think he is? What, just because he's my boss he can just harass me like that? Does he think I'll sleep with him just because he's probably having a dry run? Well... it is my own fault for wearing the clothes I am. But still, he has no right to just grab me and kiss me and demand sex like that. Well, he didn't demand sex, but I'm sure that was what he was thinking. He's just like every other guy. He's no better than the guy who raped me.
I grabbed my stuff from my desk and practically ran to the elevator to go to the carpark.
As I almost reached my car, I heard someone calling out my name. Well, obviously it was Josh. I didn't turn back but just walked even faster towards my car. I need to get out of here as fast as possible.
"Donna! Donna!" I saw here walking rather quickly towards her car. I practically ran after her. And now I'm panting out of control obviously due to the lack of gym visits I've had in the past......hhhmmmm....5 to 10 years.
Anyway, back to reality. Donna hates me! She would probably never speak to me again. She's going to leave. She's going to file a sexual harassment lawsuit against me. I'm going to lose my Donna because of my own stupidity and idiocy. I don't even know why I'm chasing her. What am I going to say? 'Whooops. Sorry I slipped and my lips landed on yours.' Oh no! She's not turning back. She's got her keys on her car door. I've got to stop her. I've got to say something. Say anything you prick!!!!! There's nothing you can do or say to make this situation worse!!!
"I've fallen in love with you." Did I say that?
No, I'm sure it was just in my head. I'm not that big of a dumbass right? Or am I ? Oh no. Donna looks frozen. Ladies and gentlemen, Joshua Lyman, attained the unattainable once again by making the already dreadful situation even worse.
She is staring at her car holding the front door open. We both didn't say a word nor did we move for a good few minutes.
Finally Donna turned towards me and simply said, "You're crazy."
She's getting into her car. I can see her hands shaking as she moved the car door. I have to say something. I cannot take what I said back.
"No. Donna wait. I've been in love with you pretty much five minutes after I met you for the first time. It just took me a couple of years to realize it. I love everything about you. I love that you are the only one who can keep my ego in check. I love the listening to your bits of trivia and arguing with you about pretty much every issue we deal with. You keep my life in order. I'd be falling apart without you. The only motivation to get of my bed every morning is knowing that I'll be seeing you. You are the only reason I made through the shooting. You are the reason I wanted to live. I tried to push you away when I came back to work after my recovery because I thought that would be the only way I could get over my feelings for you. But obviously, that didn't work."
I can't believe how easy it was to let it all out. Wow, I don't think I've ever been this honest to even myself. Donna's looking at me. I can't read her expression as it is completely blank. She looks as though she has stopped breathing. A few moments later, she practically dropped onto the drivers' seat with her feet still hanging outside the car.
I waited a while but nothing. She's just sitting there, breathing hard and staring into oblivion. I walked next to her car and opened the back door and sat on the back seat.
I came to the middle seat and hugged the head rest of the driver's seat.
I took a deep breath and sighed out loud. " Say something Donnatella." I said pleadingly.
Donna moved further back on her seat and laid down with her head resting on the front passengers' seat.
"Please tell me you were kidding, Joshua." She said letting out a sigh and finally looking into my eyes.
My heart sank. I poured my soul out to the very bit and she's hoping I'm kidding?????
I stared into her lovely blue eyes and I could feel my eyes getting teary. I then looked
"No, Donna. I've never been this serious about anything in my life before. Probably because nothing in this world matters more to me than you." I said quietly not daring to look at her.
She doesn't love me. She never did. I ruined everything. I lost my best friend and an invaluable assistant. And I have only myself to blame for it.
TO BE CONTINUED.........
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