Title : Boy, was I wrong. Part 6
Rating : PG-13
Short summary : Donna and Josh spend time together, the night at the hotel.
Other info : Refer Part 1
God, she looks so damn delectable. She's wearing cotton pajamas that have pictures of bunnies and a pair of fuzzy bedroom slippers. She's holding a spoon in her mouth and doesn't seem to be moving.
"You...you're early. It's only eleven." Donna said still with the spoon in her mouth.
"Donna, why are you sucking on a spoon?" I asked, letting myself in the room with her still standing near the door.
"I was bored. People started to leave as well. So, you must be having the time of your life. Tucked in your bunny pajamas and all." I said smirking at her.
"In fact I did have a great time." She said. She then told him about her night and all the places she went to.
"Wow, sounds like you had a great time. I assumed you would be still out late." I said.
"Well, I got hungry and since room service is free I decided to come back."
"Leo's going to be sorry this is an all expense paid trip, isn't he? Judging by all the plates and glasses I see. Are you all liquored up?" I asked scanning the room.
"No Josh. I'm not all liquored up. I only had a non-alcoholic drink." She said sounding quite proud about it.
I don't feel like leaving. I want to spend more time with her. I know, I'm only setting myself up for more heartache. I don't even know why I came to her room. I guess I just wanted to check on her. And also to let her know that I'm back. Now that I'm here, I can't get myself to leave.
"Hey, are you tired?" I asked her. Why am I getting myself into this???
"No, not really. Why? You wanna prepare for tomorrow?" Donna asked finishing up her desert I presume.
"Nah. I just thought we could go for a drink in the bar downstairs. They have some live music going on." I said. I saw a small orchestral type musicians playing in the hotel restaurant.
"Mmmm....I'm too lazy to get changed." Donna whined. She's even more scrumptious when she's whiny.
"Aw, come on. How often will you get a chance to be here again? Or anywhere like here for that matter. Come on, just for a short while." I begged.
"(sigh) Fine, let me get changed. I'll meet you downstairs okay?" She said pushing me out of her room.
I'm waiting at the restaurant with a drink. Have I mentioned I'm such a fool for doing this? I mean I created a hole and walked right into it. What are we going to talk about?
What would I say to......Oh, my!....Oh, wow!....I'm so screwed.
I just saw Donna walking in. She's wearing a very short silver dress which has a few straps holding the dress on her. Wow, the dress is clinging to her in all the right places. How did she manage to do that? A few moments ago she was in bunny pajamas. Another yet unsolved mystery of Donnatella Moss. Okay, I probably should shut my mouth before I start to drool. I motioned for her to come when she spotted me.
"You look nice, Donnatella." I said trying not to look like a 16 year old hormone-filled juvenile.
"Thank you." She said as she took a seat opposite me.
"What drink do you want?" I asked as I signaled for the waiter to come.
"Um...yeah....apple juice please." She said looking at the waiter. The waiter nodded and left.
"Hmmm...if I didn't know any better I would say you are a recovering alcoholic or...pregnant. What's with all the non-alcohol drinks?" I asked her.
"Oh, nothing. We've got a long day tomorrow... starting early as well."
"Okay, I thought I was the one with the delicate system." I said.
"You are Joshua. That is your one and only drink. I'm not here to hold your head while you puke." She said seriously. I just smiled at her.
We continued chatting about the dinner I attended. I basically told her every detail about it. Yet, another safe conversation. Just then, Donna turned her head towards the orchestra and let out a big sigh.
"What?" I asked.
"Oh, nothing. I just love this song." She said still staring at the musicians with awe.
I listened to the song. It was 'Earth Angel' I believe. "You want to dance?" I said standing up not waiting for an answer. I held out my hand to her.
She finally looked up at me and simply placed her hand in mine. I swear I could see sparks coming out as our hands met. Well, I could see it in my head.
We went to the dance floor and I held her hand and placed my other hand on her waist. Donna put her free hand on my shoulder and her chin was slightly touching my shoulder.
Oh god. Her smell again. This time I took big whiffs of her. I sound like a dog, don't I? I should not be this to close to her. I'm just killing myself bit by bit, knowing I could never have her. What am I doing? I moved a little away from her causing me to look directly at her face.
"So, why do you like this song?" I blurted out not knowing what else to do or say.
"Oh, it's just some brings back some memories." She said smiling sweetly.
Damn, must be a memory of some old lover. Damn. I brought this on myself. I have no one else to blame but my stupid idiotic self.
"It was a father-daughter dance." She said looking down.
"What?" I asked sounding dumb as usual.
"My father never attends any of the father-daughter functions we had in elementary school. But in the last year, before junior high, he came. Just for a while though. And this song is the only one I've danced to....with my dad." She said softly.
Oh, how I could just kiss her right now. But I won't. I managed to move more close to her. Her head is now resting on my shoulder. Her hand slips away from mine, and it reached my neck. She now has both her hands around my neck!!! I have no where else to place my free hand but on her waist. We are now practically clinging to each other and it would be a wonder if there's any air space between us.
As the song was ending, I forced myself to slightly pull away from her. But I couldn't move any further, when our faces were barely inches apart. My nose was practically touching hers. Oh, no. There's that magnetic pull again. I couldn't help myself when my lips moved closer to hers. Oh, she's going to end up slapping me for this.
A few seconds later, our lips met. I gave her very light and soft kiss and she didn't back away. She didn't even move. I was hungry for more. So, I kissed her again, not that my lips went far from hers in the first place. Oh, my god. She's kissing me back!! She tastes so good. I could do this all night. I could do this every single minute of my life!
Damn, what the heck am I doing? Oh, man. He tastes so good. There was some form of magnetic force I tell ya! I couldn't help myself than to kiss him back. Oh man, the kissing is getting more intense. I can't stop it! I have to though.....pull back Donna. You can do it!!! Finally, I manage to pull away from Josh. We are still holding each other. I stare directly into his eyes and he's staring back. What am I going to do? Why did I put us in yet another awkward situation? Like we haven't been through enough. We are still drowned in each others' eyes in silent.
I finally had the strength to take my hand away from his neck and onto his hands which were holding my waist.
"It's late. We've got to be up early tomorrow." I said so softly, I'm not sure he even heard me.
"Yeah....yeah....." Josh managed to utter and slips his hands out of my waist as I let go of his hands.
"Good.....night." I said as I walked away from him as he just stood there.
I'm in my room, in my pajamas. I'm pacing around the room. What the hell just happened there? Why don't I have any self control? Look what I did to the poor guy. I can't tease him like that. He was probably getting over his feelings for me and I just completely ruined his recovery. Wait a minute...As I recall I didn't initiate the kiss. He did. He came nearer to me and leaned his lips against mine. So, this is all his fault. Arrrggg!!! As if!! This is my fault as it is his. But it's his heart that is at stake. Well, it's my heart too. I'm still in love with him too. The difference is he doesn't know that. And therefore, I'm the bitch who didn't stop the kiss, giving him hope. And I will break his heart yet once again. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! I wish I was at my apartment so I can actually scream out loud than just in my head.
I'm now laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I'm not under the covers and the lights are still turned on. There is no way I'll be sleeping tonight even if I were laying on silk sheets covered with mink blankets and soft pillows.
"Donna!! Donna!!! Open up!!" I jumped as I heard Josh pounding on my door.
I opened the door as quickly as possible as I wanted him to stop the pounding.
"God, are you planning on giving me a heart attack!!??" I shrieked as I opened the door.
Josh just practically pushed me out of the way and entered my room.
"Well, do come on in Joshua." I said sarcastically as I closed the door.
"Donna, we need to talk. I can't take this anymore. I just....I just can't." Josh said as he was pacing in my room rubbing his hands on his head.
"Okay....what do you wanna talk about?" I asked.
"Donna!!" he whined. He looks so adorable. I think this is the first time he has not been in control of a situation and therefore has no clue on what to do or how to handle it.
I decided to give him a break.
"Okay, okay. Stop pacing or my head won't stop spinning. Sit down." I said motioning him to my bed as I sat on it as well. Probably not the best place to be having this conversation but we both needed to relax I'm sure. I sat on my bed with my legs crossed as Josh sat facing me with his legs on the bed as well.
"Donna.....Donna.....Was it just me, or did you kiss me back just then?" Josh asked staring at me with his puppy dog eyes.
I let out a loud sigh. "It's not just you." I said turning my head downwards.
Okay, did I hear that right? Did Donna confirm that I wasn't hallucinating when I thought she kissed me back? She did! Oh my god she did!! Okay, what am I supposed to say now? I'm been walking around the hotel wondering if I imagined the kiss or something. I just needed to know I was not dreaming that she kissed me back. And now that I know, I don't know what else to say. Apparently Donna doesn't as well. She's looking at the bed sheets and running her fingers on them.
"So, what does that mean?" I asked trying to look into her eyes.
"Josh.......I don't know..." Donna said still not looking at me.
"Donna, look at me." I said lifting her chin up.
"There's a reason you kissed me back. And I know you didn't have a drop of alcohol so that's not it. Donna, I felt like the world was going to explode when we kissed. I felt like we were the only two people in the world and I was ecstatic. Like fireworks everywhere. I dunno....It was just the best feeling I've ever experienced. Please don't tell me you didn't feel a thing. I mean, did you not feel single thing?" I poured my heart out to her.
I can't do this. I can't look him in the eye and lie again. I mean what reason would I give for kissing him back...so passionately in fact. I can't hurt him again. I can't keep lying to myself and be miserable for the rest of my life. Not after this especially. I know I can't go on like everything is normal this time. It just will not be possible.
I looked at him. I wanted to kiss him again. But he needs to hear what I feel. He needs to hear the truth. I owe him that after all I put him through.
"Josh, I'm sorry but I lied to you. I know I probably put you through hell but I thought it was for the best." I said not knowing where to start.
"What? What are you talking about?" Josh asked looking positively confused.
"That day, in your office when you asked me to look you in the eye and tell you I have no feelings for you. I lied." I said.
Josh looked at me waiting for more explanation I assume.
"Josh, I do have feelings for you. I've felt this way for a very long time but it surfaced after the shooting. And we spent so much time together then. Josh, I fell completely in love with you. And after you came back to work and you were acting as if nothing had changed between us. So, I figure you will never have any romantic feelings towards me and I had to get over you. And then I realize what harms our relationship would cause. I mean it's not just about us Josh. I felt that I needed to lie to you because I figured that's the only way you could move on. I'm sorry I lied to you Joshua. I really did not mean to hurt you like that." I said as tears started rolling down my cheeks. Why can't I control my damn tear gland? It's so bloody annoying.
Josh just stared blankly at me. He hates me. I've destroyed any trust and faith he had in me. I've let him down. I looked down again in shame.
"Donna, Donna. My Donnatella. I love you so much." I heard Josh say as he put his arms around me and hugged me.
He's not mad? Why isn't he mad? It feels so good to be his arms. He's rocking me slightly as I placed my head on his shoulder next to his neck as his chin touched my head.
"You are not mad at me?" I asked.
Josh laughed. "How could I be mad at you? I mean, you did put me through torment for a whole month but you wanted to place all the burden on your own shoulders. You thought I would get over you and boy, were you wrong. Donna, I know you are worried about our jobs and the administration but we can handle it. What I feel for you is worth the risk." Josh said.
"Josh, I know you might feel like that now but I know you. You breath politics. I don't want to be the one who takes that away from you." I said still slightly sobbing.
"Donna, we aren't doing anything wrong. We are two single people who fell in love."
"Not in the eyes of everyone else. You would be the White House senior staff who couldn't keep his hands off his much younger assistant. And I would be the tart who slept her way into the White House. Let's face it Josh, I don't have any qualifications for them to think otherwise." I said as I tugged him harder.
"First of all, you are not that much younger than me or at least I still look like a young stud." Josh joked causing me to laugh hard between my sobs.
"Donna, people could be happy for us or better they might not care at all. There are much more important issues going on."
"I don't know Josh. Forget about just our jobs, what about the administration? This might affect the reelection in addition to the President's MS. I couldn't let that happen. I just won't." I explained.
We held each other a while longer. I didn't want to let go. I was afraid we might never be able to do this ever again.
"Donna, what if I talk to CJ about this? I mean we haven't done anything she'll be mad about. And she does want everyone to go to her first before doing anything stupid, right?" Josh said.
That sounded like a good idea. At least it's the best safe way we can go about this.
"Yeah, that'll be good. I mean if we hide our relationship and some one found out, it'll be the worst thing ever. And if CJ says we can't be together, I guess we could always wait until reelection." I said.
"We'll work this out. I know we will. I promise you that." Josh said pulling me off him, making me face him.
I simply nodded. Suddenly I'm very aware that we both are sitting on my bed in a hotel room. This can't lead to anything good.
"Okay... Josh, I think you should go to bed. The last thing we need now is a rumor of you hanging out in my hotel room in the middle of the night." I said as he released his grip from me.
"Yeah, you're right." He kissed my forehead and got off the bed.
"Goodnight Joshua." He turned to me and looked deep into my eyes when I said that.
"Sweet dreams Donnatella." He said in a low voice. He smiled at me lovingly and left.
I cannot believe that just happened. We actually are doing this. At least we are going to try. I really cannot comprehend what I'm feeling right now. But I know it's something good that I have not felt in a very long time if ever.
TO BE CONTINUED......
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