Notes: A short while back I wrote a fic called... er, can't remember,
but Sam decided that he could probably beat Toby at a fight. Some
people expressed interest in seeing that. So here it is, kinda. And
also, Josh takes off his clothes. No, nothing adult.
Disclaimer: Not mine, Aaron Sorkin is a lucky bastard, etc.
Spoilers: Well... if you ain't never seen CJ do the Jackal, you might
wanna skip a sentence. I think that's it.
It was a beautiful day in Washington. The sun was shining, the birds
were singing, there were even a few flowers about. All in all, it was
the sort of day that made you want to sit back and do absolutely
nothing except revel in the quiet. Only not really, because
Washington doesn't really get quiet. But, still, it was a pretty darn
nice day. And some people were just too damn busy to notice.
"And see if you can cancel my 1:30 appointment with Chris Wick. He
gets on my nerves." Josh finished reciting his list of things to do
to Donna, looked around furtively to make sure no one was watching,
and added, "And we're still on for tonight, right?"
Donna nodded. "Yup."
"Okay. I gotta find Sam. Bye."
Sam was sitting in his office with his feet up on his desk, a pencil
in one hand, and his nose buried a long, boring, badly written,
nearly unreadable and highly inaccurate tome about the native tribes
of Africa and how civilisation was encroaching on their territory.
"You look like you would love to be interrupted," Josh observed from
his position in Sam's doorway.
"You have no idea," Sam replied, scribbling a note before gratefully
shutting the book. "Come in, but make it quick. I need to get this
done. If I do this on schedule I'll only be three days behind with
some of my other stuff."
Josh leaned on the desk and casually knocked Sam's feet off,
eliciting a half-hearted protest. "This won't take long. Listen, you
know there's that annual charity festival kind of thing coming up?
And they're holding it in Washington this year?"
"Yeah." Sam picked up one of the many folders on his desk and started
flipping through it, having decided that whatever Josh was here for
only needed half an ear.
"And they have that whole entertainment section where they get famous
people to do... stuff?" Josh seemed nervous.
"Yeah. Last year they had David Hasselhof, so they must be getting
pretty damn desperate." Sam chewed his pencil thoughtfully as he read
a particularly obtuse paragraph.
"They are, because a guy came here for entries."
"So I signed you up for the boxing match."
Sam bit through the pencil. "You *what*?!" he sputtered, spitting
splinters of wood and pieces of lead.
Josh protectively held his hands up in front of him as he backed
towards the door, mentally cursing himself for being stupid enough to
close it. "Now, take it easy. I had to - the guy was so
It's for kids, you know, and he was very convincing. Almost brought a
tear to my eye."
"So you sign *yourself* up for something! Not me! Why *me*?" Sam
advanced threateningly, poking an accusatory finger at Josh.
"There was nothing that really suited me..." Josh explained, feeling
behind him for the doorknob. "And yours was the first name that came
to mind. And it's for charity!"
"You know what you can do with your charity?!" Sam got a grip on
himself with a visible effort. "And may I ask who I am going to be
Josh swallowed. "Uh. Toby." To his surprise, instead of freaking out
at this news, Sam relaxed.
"Well, Toby'll never go for it."
"Actually, Toby was in the room." Josh opened the door and backed out
into the hall. "I told you the guy was persuasive."
"Toby agreed to this?!"
"He was quite enthusiastic. Um. After I suggested it."
"Josh! Donna said you'd be here."
"CJ! Thank God!" Josh very nearly hid behind the press secretary.
"Yes," said CJ, raising her eyebrows. Such an enthusiastic reaction
to her presence was not all that common these days. "Hi, Sam."
"Hi," Sam growled through clenched teeth, staring balefully at Josh.
"I see you signed up for the charity thing - against Toby, too. That
was brave of you." CJ smiled brightly. "I'm looking forward to seeing
it. As are quite a few of the ladies around here, I hear." Sam looked
taken aback, Josh looked jealous. CJ didn't notice as she continued,
"That's why I'm here. The man that was taking entries came to see me.
He was very impressive, wasn't he? He made me cry, the way he
described the condition of some of these children, and he said they
needed entries, so I said I'd do the Jackal."
Sam blinked. The guy must have been compelling indeed, to convince
Josh, Toby and CJ - who were not usually easily swayed - to do
something at the event.
"What's that have to do with me?" Josh asked suspiciously. Maybe she
wanted him to sing backup or something.
"Well, Chip - his name was Chip - said that he'd been to see
you weren't going to do anything." CJ gave him an accusing look.
"Really, Josh, if Sam is spunky enough to go up against his boss in a
boxing ring, I think you could at least *try* and do something."
"Nothing suited me," said Josh, weakly, as Sam mouthed
"I saw something that suited you perfectly," replied CJ, smiling
again. "It was in the adults-only section."
Josh squinted as he tried to remember the list of "events" Chip had
given him. "Oh, no..."
"Yes. I wrote your name down for the strip show. And don't worry,
it's after Sam's boxing match, so the ladies will be able to come and
watch. And may I say, they can't wait."
Sam was smiling wickedly. "Oh, Josh, you can't back out now. Think
how disappointed your fans would be."
"Come on, Joshua, you don't even have to go the full Monty."
"The full *what?!*They haven't... they... CJ, I can't! It's...
unseemly! I'm the deputy Chief of Staff for the White House, for
crying out loud! The press would have a field day!"
"I think it shows a willing spirit," Sam said. CJ agreed, adding that
she had already run it by Leo, and he had said it was fine.
"I don't care. It's not too late to back out; nobody knows yet."
"Actually, they're announcing the line-up right now." CJ grinned
demonically. "Your fan club will probably contribute a large amount
to the charity fund. Think how many children you'd be helping."
"Yeah, Josh. Think of the children."
Josh stared at his friends, trying to come up with a good reason to
back out. Unfortunately, his best excuse had already been shot down.
He was beaten, and they knew it. Josh hung his head in resignation,
then brightened. There was one last person he could appeal to.
CJ rolled her eyes. "I'm busy, Danny."
"I hear you're going to do the Jackal at that charity thing."
"I'm going to come, and I'm going to bring all my friends so we can
laugh at you the next day."
"You have friends?"
"Also, I hear Josh is stripping."
Why bother insulting him? CJ wondered. Water off a duck's back. Waste
of energy. "Well, that's interesting news."
"It sure shows a willing spirit, huh?"
"What do you want, Danny?"
"I just wanted you to know," Danny said, leering, "that if you
to maybe practise in front of someone and, I don't know, get some
feedback, I'd be happy to volunteer."
CJ hid a smile. "Danny-"
"I'm just saying."
Knock, knock. Toby looked up irritably. "Make it good!" he snapped.
Damn it, Ginger had been told to keep people away from him until he
was finished with this speech. Never trust anyone to do anything,
ever, Toby decided. Oh no, he added mentally as Sam poked his head
around the door. Just what he needed - Mr. Cheerful.
"Hi," said Sam.
Having dispensed with the formalities, Sam explained his presence,
getting straight to the point. "Well, I was talking to Josh and he
said you signed up for a boxing match against me. He said you were
An expression flickered over Toby's face that, had it been anyone
else, Sam would have said was embarrassment. "Yes," he said.
"I wouldn't have thought you were the type, Toby."
"Well, what with Chip on one side arguing that it would help kids,
and Josh on the other side insisting that it would relieve stress, I
had to say yes so they'd get the hell out of my office."
"I'm going to kill Josh," Sam decided.
"Feel free. No doubt it would relieve a great amount of stress. For
all of us."
"You're not going through with this, are you?"
Toby paused, not wanting to say that he was looking forward to
finally kicking someone's ass. "It's too late to back out now," he
"I can't fight you, Toby."
"No one says you have to hit back, Sam."
Sam stared at his boss for a long moment before giving up. "I have
work to do, so I'm going to go now. We'll talk about this later."
"Not if I can help it," Toby muttered, and turned back to his speech.
You Know What You Can Do With Your Charity! - 2