Bast Bites Back
"You're late!" Carol greets me as I race into
Like I don't know that. "I overslept," I answer
I don't spare her a glance. I know why she just
"What happened to you?" she gasps. Rather
"Nothing." I'm answering Carol, but I'm glaring
Carol gives me a skeptical look. "That doesn't look
"Carol," I interrupt, gaining the refuge of my
Carol has that "Do what you want, but you know I'm
She's pissed at me, but I figure I can live with that.
"Go away now."
"I'm fine. Now go away."
Josh opens the door further, leaning insolently
"Would you prefer I switch to 'No comment?'" I
"You can go on for hours," Josh finishes.
"Joshua," I warn.
And then Josh plays dirty. He gets that concerned
I hate that I can't be snarky to him when he's like
"CJ!" Josh yelps. Then he's leaning over the
"It looks worse than it is," I mumble, leaning
Josh carefully pushes my sleeve up my arm, revealing
"Catfight," I answer glumly, "and if you
"You mean an actual catfight? Like, with real
"No. Gloria ran out when I got home last night, and
"CJ," Josh protests, "you look like you
were mauled by
I can't help it; I start laughing. "A lion?"
He grins. "Well, something more vicious than your
I shake my head at him, amused. "Have you ever seen a
He's smirking again. "Literally, or--"
"No, I don't think so."
"Trust me," I say. "They're vicious."
"'Kay," Josh answers. "So what'd the doctor
I turn my attention to the mass of folders on my desk.
"CJ! You didn't go to the doctor?"
"No." I give a careless shrug. "It's just a
"Have I wandered into a Monty Python movie?"
I give him a strange look.
Eyes wide, Josh aims a pointed glare at my injured
"Any chance at all you'll leave me alone in the near
"Are you going to bring me a shrubbery?"
I stare at him. "What the hell are you--"
"I should mention that Donna already knows. Which
When he's right, he's right. "Don't let Toby in here.
"Mrs. Bartlet's in Greece."
"Lucky her," I mutter.
"Actually," Josh grins, unrepentant, "I
hear they have
He turns serious again. "That doesn't hurt?"
"I wouldn't go that far," I admit. In fact, I
"Why don't you go see a doctor?" Josh asks reasonably.
"Because, Josh, a doctor will insist on, you know,
He gives me an odd look. "Didn't you already get
I glare at him. "Leave now."
"I have a briefing in an hour, Josh."
"So, have you ever been to an emerg--" I stop
Josh gives me a soft, understanding smile. "Yes, but
"Joshua," I hold his gaze for a moment, but I'm
Josh shrugs off the unspoken sentiments. "But I'm
"Exactly," I nod briskly. "I'll go later."
After a moment, Josh answers far too agreeably.
When I see Donna waiting for me after the briefing, I
"Donna," I say, attempting to breeze right on
"A love bite from Gloria?" she grins, tugging my
"Donna, we're in the middle of--"
"The hallway," she finishes with an impish grin.
"I could get Doug Ross to give me a physical?" I
Donna nods, still keeping up with my rapid pace. "But
Damn. How does she do that?
Donna gives me a sympathetic look. "Sometimes it's
"Great," I say, reaching the sanctity of my
"Especially when he's wrong," Donna continues
She glances over at me, an uncertain look on her face.
"Is there a point--Actually, you know what? Forget I
Donna eyes my injuries. "Looks pretty painful."
She leans in to inspect the toothmarks. "That red,
"A little," I admit sharply. I mean, what does
Donna nods solemnly. "And I'm sure it's probably not
"Donna!" I yelp.
"Well," she shrugs, "animal bites are
Donna gives me a winning smile. "I'm just saying."
"Out," I repeat, pointing at the door with my
"Okay," she nods. "Just give me a call if
you see any
By noon, everyone I've ever so much as absently
"Carol," I yell. It's kind of muffled, though,
"I'll assume that I'm the exception," says a
"Go away, Toby." I don't bother to look up.
"I could do that," he says in that agreeable
"Toby, I'm fine. Tell Sam if he so much as glances at
"Well, we made a deal of sorts."
I summon the strength to raise my head and glare at
"A deal," Toby repeats. He's still hovering in
I try to cross my arms, but the pressure on the red,
I employ my best threatening look. "You made a deal
Toby nods. "And Carol, Donna, Josh, and Leo. You're
I glare at him. "Am not."
Toby rolls his eyes, one hand leaving his pocket to
"Okay," I interrupt, shaking my head. "You
Toby rocks impatiently on the balls of his feet.
"No," I answer after a moment's consideration,
"CJ, get your ass out of that chair and let's go."
I give him an incredulous look. "You're going?"
"With me to the emergency room?"
I stare at him. "Why?"
"CJ, you're having trouble holding a pen."
"So you can't possibly drive yourself to--"
"I'm capable of driving with one hand, Toby."
"You're barely capable of driving with both hands,
I narrow my eyes. "Is that a sexist crack, Toby?"
"No, that is observation from personal experience.
"Fine." I watch him for a moment, then glance
His voice is very quiet when he answers. "Me,
I nod, my gaze fixed to the desktop. "Can we go
"It's been two hours."
"I know," Toby answers tiredly.
I am about three seconds away from beating Toby over
Still, his fidgeting is annoying the hell out of me.
I clamp my good hand on his arm to still his
"Because," Toby answers mildly, "Sam would
I smirk at him. "A grasshopper on crack?"
He glowers in my general direction. "You know what I
I grant the point with a nod. "You're probably right.
Toby raises an eyebrow. "I am not jumping around."
"Like a grasshopper on crack?" I repeat, still
Toby glowers some more.
I shrug. "Fine, but you're fidgeting."
"Patience isn't my strong suit," he mutters.
I roll my eyes. Then I see a nurse heading for me
"Yeah," he asks, watching her too.
"I'm thinking I'm okay with having lockjaw."
Toby snorts and looks over at me. "CJ--"
"Seriously, how bad can it be? I can eat through a
"CJ, you're having the shot."
"Fine," I say, reaching for his hand. "Then
He rolls his eyes at me, but grips me tightly as the
Ten minutes later, I have a PowerPuff Girls bandaid, a
"I really hate needles," I tell Toby.
"I gathered," Toby says with a sideways glance at me.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Well, aside from the fact that you told me you hate
I grin slowly at him. "I'm glad I scarred you for
Toby rolls his eyes. "Remind me to return the favor
"Oh, come on, Toby," I say as I get into his
Toby glances over at me. "You're a strange woman, you
"Hey," I shrug, "I'm a bit feverish right
Toby starts the car, rolls his eyes, and mumbles,
"Yeah," I smirk. "And just think--it's only
I don't quite catch what he mumbles, but I swear he
I curl up in the passenger seat of his lame car and