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This is the first fan fiction I have written, although I have read tons. I am a huge WW (and especially CJ/Danny) fan. Anyway, I would appreciate any comments or feedback. Thanks also to Lida Rose for her comments. As for disclaimers, none of these characters belong to me. They are the property of the brilliant Aaron Sorkin, among others. The song at the end doesn't belong to me either. It was written by Randy Newman and sung by Bonnie Raitt on the soundtrack to the movie "Michael." Thanks, Sally "Sacrifices"
CJ was trying to finish work at the office so she could leave for home. However, as had been the case lately, she was distracted by thoughts of Danny. She and Danny had been seeing each other for months now. She knew that some people she worked with suspected the truth, but that her secret was safe with them. However, she was pretty certain that Toby, Leo and the President had no idea about Danny and her. She was truly concerned about their reaction when they found out. CJ had never been the type of woman who needed a man in her life to feel complete. She had had only a few serious romantic relationships in her life and, although those men had been special to her, her work was always paramount. She loved her work and the friends she worked with and had always felt that she could be content even if that was all she had in her life. However, Danny had changed that for her. In the few months that they had been seeing each other, she had begun to see her work as separate from her personal life. She couldn't imagine her life without Danny. He was one of the few people that she could open up to. They both knew they couldn't discuss with each other the particulars of their jobs. What stories he was working on and her knowledge of decisions made in the Bartlet White House were never discussed. Still, she could talk with Danny about her insecurities about her abilities to do her job, her feelings that sometimes she was excluded form key decisions. He was always able to reassure her. More than that, they had a lot of fun together. He could be hysterically funny and never took himself too seriously. He brought out the lighter side of CJ too. She could relax with him and be the funny, nonsensical CJ that lay beneath her professional exterior. He was also terribly romantic. He often left little token gifts hidden in her office for her to stumble across during the day, always with a sweet note. And making love with Danny was passionate and exciting, and tender and comfortable all at the same time. Afterward, lying in bed talking, or waking up the next morning in each other's apartment, felt like the most natural thing in the world; like they had been doing it for years. Over the last few weeks, she had begun to realize that she loved Danny, that she was in love with him. She wanted to tell him, but her insecurities kept getting the best of her. Danny was very flirtatious. Suppose that's all this was to him. Suppose she really didn't mean that much to him. She could open up her heart to him and be completely humiliated. But it was driving her crazy. She had to say something. She had to know how he felt. They had a date tonight and she had determined she would tell him then,.............if she didn't chicken out. Her other concern was, if she did tell him and their relationship went to the next level, it would be increasingly harder to keep it a secret. What would Leo, Toby and the President say? Would they think she had been feeding Danny information all of this time? Would they scrutinize every briefing she had ever given, or was ever to give? Worse yet, would they just tell her it was her job or Danny? Would they make her make that terrible choice? She loved Danny, but she had worked so hard to get where she was. She loved her job. She couldn't imagine doing anything else. She didn't know what she would choose. She was sitting holding papers in her hands, but staring over her reading glasses out the window thinking of Danny and their situation, when Carol came in. "CJ, here are the briefing papers that......" Carol noticed that CJ wasn't paying any attention. "Are you okay?" "Hm? What? I'm sorry, I didn't hear you come in. What did you say?" "I said 'are you okay?' You have been so distracted lately. You haven't been giving me a hard time at all lately, about my spelling or anything else. Is everything okay? Are you worried about something?" "Sure, sure, I am fine. Did you misspell something? I didn't notice." "See that's what I am talking about." "You know, there is this little thing on your computer called SpellCheck. Its pretty helpful. You might try it out sometime. Anyway, I am fine. Thanks for asking." "Well, if you don't need anything else, I'm going to get going." "Okay, see you tomorrow." CJ tried once again to turn her attention to the briefing papers she was reviewing on the transportation bill that was coming up for a vote. It didn't help her distraction that this was incredibly dry stuff. Just as she was beginning to make some sense of the words on the paper, Josh came in. "CJ. Sam and I are going to go out for a beer tonight. I remembered that you 'like beer too,'" making little quotation marks with his fingers as he spoke. "Would you like to come with us?" "Can't, but thanks." "Ohhhhhh, do you have a big date?" Josh said with a knowing grin. "Maybe. Maybe not." "With whom?" "I never said I had a date." "Bet I can guess. Does he wear suspenders and carry a big fish in a bowl?" "First of all, once again, I never said I had a date. Second of all, mind your own business. Third, did you just come in here to make jokes at my expense or do you have some business you want to discuss?" "Nope, just came in here to make jokes. I needed some entertainment." "Go away." "Okay. Have a good time tonight," he said with a sly grin as he left. "Idiot." Josh popped his head back in the door, "I heard that." "Go away." CJ turned her attention back to her work with a small laugh. ********************************** Two hours later at CJ's apartment. Danny came to the door. He knew it was important to CJ that no one at the White House, especially Leo and Toby, know of their relationship. However, he would have been happy to shout out about their relationship from the top of the Washington Monument. He was a little nervous about their date tonight. They had both been really busy, and hadn't had much time together. Plus, when they were together lately, CJ had seemed aloof and distracted. He often feared that she intended to break it off with him because of the conflict of interest. To break the tension, he came to the door dressed in a trench coat with the collar up high around his neck, a baseball cap pulled low over his eyes and plastic glasses with a big nose and moustache attached. He rang the bell. When CJ answered, he made a big show of looking up and down the hall repeatedly. "What ARE you doing?" CJ exclaimed. "Just wanted to make sure I wasn't followed. I know how much security means to you." Taking off the glasses and nose he said "Just wanted to take every precaution. I know you don't want anyone catching wind of the fact that you're dating a member of the White House Press Corps." "You are an idiot. I don't know why I put up with you," CJ said laughing. "I don't want anyone thinking I am dating a reject from the circus either. Besides, you forgot to use the secret password when you rang the bell." "Darn, and I thought I had covered all of the bases. Still, I think our little secret is safe." He stepped inside and closed the door. They put their arms around each other and kissed; as the kiss deepened, their arms grasped each other more tightly, both holding each other like they never wanted to let go. When the kiss ended, she put her head on his shoulders and he continued to stroke her hair. "Its been a few days. I've missed you; I've missed this," she said. "I know. I've missed you too. Its so hard being around you at work and not being able to take you in my arms and kiss you or even to be able to talk to you on anything but a professional level." "I know. Look, do you mind if we don't go out tonight. I want us to have some time alone without any interference. I want to talk about something." "I don't mind if we don't go out, but I get really nervous when a woman says 'I want to talk.' It's almost never good news. Can we talk now and get it over with?" He backed away from her and held her at a distance. He was thinking, "Oh boy, this is it, the big kiss off." "No, I want to wait. What shall we order in? Chinese, Vietnamese, Indian, Italian, some other nationality with food that stays good while being driven across town by some teenager....?" "Well, I brought a bottle of red wine, so how about just order some Italian from down the street and I'll go get it. We'll save the teenager the trip." **************************** Danny left to get the food. While he was gone, CJ set out wine glasses, turned on quiet music, turned down the lights and lit some candles. Suddenly, the door bell rang--three short rings followed by two long ones. CJ opened the door. "Now, what are you doing?" "I remembered to use the secret code." "Very funny. Come in. I am starving." She gave him a kiss on the cheek, pausing briefly to feel his cheek against hers. Danny ate quickly and seemed very nervous. "CJ can't you give me a hint of what you want to talk about. The suspense is killing me." "Let's sit on the couch. I am just stalling because I don't know how to begin and I am scared of your reaction." "Oh God. WHAT IS IT????" CJ went to sit on the couch and Danny followed her. Her mouth was dry from nerves. This surprised her given that she spoke on national television every day without any feeling of nervousness. CJ sat straight up on the edge of the couch and stared down at her hands folded in her lap. She didn't say anything for what seemed like hours. "CJ, what is it? Are you dying?" Danny joked. "Nooooooooo." "Am I dying?" "Don't be an idiot." "Am I very sick?" Danny asked. "Would you stop making jokes. This is very hard for me." "I'm sorry. I just make jokes when I am nervous and you are making me unbelievably nervous. But, never mind me, take your time." Then, in a barely audible whisper and still without meeting Danny's eyes, CJ said "I love you." "What did you say?" Danny asked completely surprised and cocking his head to one side as if to hear better. Only slightly louder, CJ said "I love you. I am in love with you." At that, Danny collapsed back into the couch, clutching his heart and laughing a very relieved laugh. CJ looked at him somewhat hurt. "That was not exactly the reaction I was hoping for." Danny sat forward again, took CJ's hands, looked lovingly into her eyes and explained "CJ, I am so incredibly happy and honored that you love me. I reacted that way because I am just soooooo relieved. I thought for sure you were breaking off our relationship. You have seemed so distracted lately. I thought you wanted out. Why was it so hard for you to tell me that?" "I've never loved anyone the way I love you. I have never felt such a thing as this love I have for you. I wasn't sure how you would react. Our relationship has always been so flirtatious, I wasn't sure if it meant anything more than that to you. I really went out on a limb, but I just couldn't keep these feelings inside me anymore. I wanted to share them with you; to find out how you felt." Danny held her hands with one of his hands and put the other against her cheek. He held her face lovingly and looked deeply into her eyes. He said "CJ, I am hopelessly, undeniably, irretrievably head-over-heels in love with you. There is no turning back for me. I thought you knew that, but if you didn't, if you had any reason to doubt how I felt, it was my fault and I am sorry. I have always pictured us married raising a couple of really tall, red-headed kids with newsprint on their hands." By now, tears were streaming down CJ's face. She threw her arms around Danny's neck and he put his around her. The just held each other for dear life. CJ said "Oh Danny, I just love you so much. What are we going to do?" "What do you mean 'what are we going to do?' I told you, we're going to get married in the Rose Garden and live happily ever after." She loosened her grip on his neck and leaned back to see his eyes. "Danny, its not that simple and you know it. You know what I mean. What are we going to do about our jobs? Leo and Toby are EACH going to have a stroke when they discover we've been out on even one date. If they find out how deep this relationship is, I don't know what they will do. Also, there are your editors to consider. You've been supportive of the Bartlet administration from the beginning. If they find out that we have a relationship, they're going to wonder if that's why you've been so supportive. They are going to wonder if your objectivity has been compromised. Don't you see what a mess this is?" "Honestly, CJ, I don't see it as a mess. To find someone to love is an amazing thing. It doesn't happen to everyone. Far from a mess, you are the best thing that has ever, ever happened in my life. Tonight, for the first time, we told each other that we love each other. That's a miraculous thing. Can't we just enjoy it for one night before we let reality intrude? I want to make love to you, the love of my life, and then just lie in bed holding you and saying 'I love you' over and over again, and hearing you say it over and over again until I finally believe its true." "Danny, I want that too. I love you as I have never loved another--truly, deeply and without reservation. But, I am scared. It effects our lives on so many different levels. I need time to think this through." "What are you saying?" "Just that. I need some time and space." "You mean away from me." CJ didn't answer. Clearly angry and hurt, Danny said "CJ, you can't do that. You can't tell me you love me and then send me away. I don't think its just Toby and Leo you're worried about. I think you're scared to love me. I think you finally let someone touch you and you're scared to death. You think giving yourself over to someone makes you vulnerable, threatens your independence. But, it doesn't. It only makes you stronger. I love you because you are so independent; I would never try to change that. As for the whole Toby and Leo thing, I told you once that I think your reasons for not wanting to see me are ridiculous. I just don't think my editors or Toby, Leo or the President will care that much. They know we are professionals and that, as hard as it is, we can keep our personal lives separate from our jobs. I think you are throwing away a chance for real happiness for absolutely nothing." "Maybe you are right. But, I need time to think about it." "Okay, have it your way, but remember that your job will never love you as much as I do." With that he left. CJ looked around her apartment and, even with the candles and soft music playing, suddenly, it seemed cold and empty. ********************************** Two weeks later at the White House CJ had been absolutely miserable without Danny. Typically, she had still done her job well, but when she would see him at the Press briefings, she felt an aching in her heart. She delivered her briefings now in a totally business-like manner, without any of the humor that she had always shown. Danny didn't come up to talk with her after the briefings as he always had. There were no notes and gifts stashed around her office. Gail's bowl remained decorated as it had been before their last date. He was doing exactly as she had asked, giving her time and space, and it was killing her. Later that day, Josh came in to see CJ. "Hey, CJ" "What do you want?" "Well, actually, I come as a friend. Believe it or not, I am worried about you. You show up for work every day, you do your job in your usual excellent manner, but you're not really here. You don't talk to anyone about anything but work. There are none of your usual sarcastic, witty barbs aimed at anyone. You didn't even fight with me over the last lemon poppy seed muffin this morning. In short, you're not yourself, and I was wondering what was going on." "Josh, thanks, but I really don't want to talk about it." "Does it have anything to do with Danny?" "How did you know?" "Come on CJ, despite rumors to the contrary, I am not a complete idiot when it comes to personal matters. CJ, I want to help. Tell me what's going on." "If you promise it won't get to Toby or Leo, close the door." CJ took a deep breath. "You're right. It is about Danny. We have been seeing each other for a few months and well, here's the thing." Then quickly and half mumbling, CJ said "I love him and he loves me." "But CJ that's fantastic. So, I don't understand, why are you so miserable." "Josh, surely must see the problem. Danny and I could both be forced to give up our jobs. A few weeks ago, I told him I needed time to think about what I want to do." "You mean you told him that you weren't sure if you would choose him or your job?" "Well, something like that, only it didn't seem quite that cruel at the time." "How does Danny feel?" "Oh, you know Danny. Nothing is ever a problem to him. He wants us to get married and have kids. He's crazy. How could we possibly keep it a secret then?" "CJ did you ever stop to think that maybe Danny is right. Maybe, you can have both: your job and Danny. Or maybe you can't, but it is your job really more important than him? I know you love your job and you've worked hard all your life to get here. But, if we are lucky, we find one person in our lifetime who will love you the way Danny loves you and the way you love him. Your job isn't going to keep you warm at night, or cheer you up when your sad, or share all of the fun in life with you. Do you really want to give up what might be your one chance to have someone really love you for who you are?" "Josh, I appreciate the advice and kind thoughts, but I have work to finish." "Okay, just think about what I said. And CJ, no matter what you decide, I'll stand behind you. I'll back you up with Leo and Toby too." "Thanks. You are very sweet sometimes." ********************************* That evening at Danny's apartment. He had been miserable without CJ, but he had tried to give her the time and space she needed. In the meantime, he had made a decision. He was going to go over to CJ's tonight unannounced to discuss it with her. At that moment, the doorbell rang. He opened the door to find CJ standing there. Completely surprised, he said "Hey, what are you doing here?" "Can I come in?" "Sure, come in. I was just leaving to go see you. I have made a decision and I wanted to tell you." "Well, I have made a decision too. You go first." "No, I want to hear what you have to say, but first, come in and sit down. This is far too important to be discussed in front of all my neighbors." When they were seated, CJ started, "Danny, first I want to say how sorry I am that I hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. Your were right, I wasn't just scared of Toby and Leo. I was terrified of the commitment required when you love someone. However, I've decided I am more terrified of living without you. I cannot give you up. I love you too much. As for Toby and Leo, if they make me choose between you and my job, then I will quit." Danny sat there wide-eyed and open-mouthed, in silence for a moment, absorbing all that CJ had just said. Finally, he spoke. "I cannot tell you how touched I am that you would do that for me, but I could never let you do it. You'd resent me; maybe not at first, but eventually. Your job is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. You've worked too hard to become the White House press secretary and you are too good at it. I've decided that I will quit." "Danny, you can't.........." "CJ, let me finish. I've been covering the White House for 8 years. I can take a leave of absence. Hopefully, someday, I'll get back into it, but if I don't, it won't be the end of the world. But you only get one shot at the White House Press Secretary spot. My mind is made up. I am going to quit, even if Toby and Leo or my editors don't object to our relationship. Otherwise, I think you'd always worry about what they were thinking even if they seemed okay with it. I am going to do this so we have a chance. I just love you too much to let you go, or to have any clouds over our relationship." "But what will you do?" "I thought I'd try my hand at writing Bartlet's biography. That way I'd still get to see you all of the time, because I'd be spending a lot of time researching at the White House. Or else, I thought I'd write a novel about a tall, beautiful, intelligent, sexy, female Press Secretary and a dashing red-headed reporter. He pursues her relentlessly. At first, she resists him and refuses to date him, but finally, she succumbs to his irresisitible charms, as she is fated to do." "Oh, who'd believe it?" CJ said laughing. Then, she threw her arms around his neck, and with tears in her eyes, choked out "Danny, I love you so much. No one else would ever make such a sacrifice for me." Danny, his voice also thick with emotion said, "I don't consider it a sacrifice if I get you in the end. Just keep telling me how much you love me." "I do love you and you've got me......forever." "Something in your eyes, makes me want to lose myself', Makes me want to lose myself, in your arms. Something in your voice makes my heart stand still. Hope this feeling lasts the rest of my life...... Feels like home to me, Feels like home to me, Feels like I'm on my way back where I come from. Feels like home to me, Feels like home to me, Feels like I'm on my way back where I belong. If you knew how much this moment means to me and how long I have waited for your touch. If you knew how happy you are making me. I never thought I'd love anyone so much. THE END Hope you liked it.
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