Title: Blaming Sam (Part2/7)
Author: Sassy Susan
Disclaimers and notes in part 1
One day I'm going to do a poll of all male White House employees.
The question is gonna be: 'What is the single scariest thing you could withness upon
arriving to work?'
I predict now that at least 85% of them would say CJ Cregg coming to kick 10 shades of
crap out of them, for being stupid.
No, because I've already got the scariest thing outside my office.
I've already seen the scariest thing.
It's Donna's desk.
It's just not natural.
Every single day that woman has worked for me she has always arrived before me.
Whether that's because she's obsessively punctual or I because I have the timekeeping of a
gnat with a rubbish watch, I don't know.
But it doesn't change the fact that she is always here by 8:15 at the latest.
I walked in at 8:30, she was not here.
It's almost 9 and still, she is not here.
At first I thought she might have started working already, but apparently not.
Her coat is not here and nobody has seen her yet.
Bonnie, Ginger and Carol just shrugged.
Either they don't know or don't particulary care.
Which is worrying because they're supposed to be her friends and do the whole worrying
thing that women always do when one of their 'sisters' are in need.
Unless, they do know where she is, but aren't telling me.
Cathy doesn't know either.
When I asked if she was sure she just glared, which was enough encouragement for me to get
out of there.
Although, I did manage to grab the box of pins off her desk as I left.
Sam will be grateful.
Sam, for some reason, just squealed and ran off.
Don't ask, because I don't know.
Toby is gearing up to go into battle with CJ over something and therefore does not
CJ is doing exactly the same and therefore does not have time to care.
Get under the desks and bolt down the furniture, because whatever it is, it's gonna be
Margaret, unlike the others, over-reacted totally.
She marched straight into Leo's office, announced Donna was missing and demanded that the
FBI got involved.
Leo told her to get out.
So then, as a last resort, I found myself standing on a desk and yelling accross the
All I got for my trouble was some half-hearted negative response and Leo yelling, as he
passed, to stop destroying government property or have a Latin quiz with the president.
I got down.
Maybe, just maybe, I might be overeacting.
She probably ran out of gas on her way in.
But I can't help thinking, what if it's not that?
What if it's more?
Donna could've been in a car accident.
She could be lying in a hospital right now because some jerk plowed his tank of a car into
I've seen her car.
I've been in her car.
It's not going to protect her!
What if it wasn't even an accident ?
What if her date did something to her?
He could've been anyone.
This is D.C, we got some strange people living here!
People who get their kicks in very strange ways.
Norman Bates wannabes, occasionally Lord Marbury, Sam, Republicans............the list
I should call the police, have this guy arrested!
If this Norman touched her, God have mercy on him,
because when I'm done with him........
Phone! Phone! Phone!
That'll be her now.
She's sorry but her crappy car broke down.
"Josh, it's Shelley."
Oh what's wrong.
And where did all the saliva go from my mouth?
Oh god, something happened.
She's calling aout Donna.
"It's about Donna."
Oh god, she's hurt.
Donna's in hospital.
Sam will have to take some meetings and I need to tell Leo where I'm going.
I have to get to the hospital..............
"Donna's going to be late today."
Tell me again, I couldn't hear you over my own pulse.
"I said Donna's going to be in late today. Did I say it in French the first
Well, this is a first, Josh Lyman has been reduced to one syllable sentences.
Roll up and see the wonder as it happens.
"Where've you been anyway? I've been calling for ages."
"About. So Donna's ok?"
Yeah why wouldn't she be?"
Because she's not here and she didn't call!
"Are you sure?"
You've checked right?"
"So, you've physically checked that she's alright?"
"Is she there?"
"Yes, Josh, she's here."
"Could you check her again then? Except prod her bit and check her pupils?"
"NO! What is wrong with you? Sometimes I find it hard to believe they let you help
run this country!"
"You and me both, Shelley."
I'm shaking and there is no colour in my face whatsoever, but I'm still grinning like
an idiot, right now.
I must make a really strange sight.
But I don't care because Donna's ok.
Late for work, but ok.
"You can expect to see Donna at 9:30, Ok?"
"Yeah, but what's wrong?"
"She's just not well."
"Ok, thanks Shelley."
"No problem, bye."
Well, I can't stop this smirk,
because, Shelley and I have a code.
When she says 'not well' what it actually means is 'Donna has a hangover'.
So, if she has a hangover today, that means she had the date from hell.
I know Donnatella Moss like the back of my hand.
She was probably drinking whiskey sours on the actual date in order to try and forget
that Norman was there in the first place.
Then when she got home, she was so desparate to erase the evening from memory she raided
the alcohol cupboard until her previous intake took effect.
Vodka, I suspect.
Of course if I'm right, which I usually am, then Norman has disappeared from our lives
forever and will never darken our doors again.
Although should he ever again, I'm going to find a couple of rotweilers to rip him apart.
I might not even have to do that.
I'll just tell CJ the guy is an ignorant, anti-femminist who was planning to get Donna to
give up her job and cook and clean for him.
Then I'll sit back and wait for her to bring Norman's balls back on a plate.
You know, I suddenly have the overwhelming urge to gloat.
Call me cruel but I really want to phone Donna and taunt her myself.
Just as a little taster of what today will be like.
Don't glare, I'm fighting this compulsion as best I can.
And now I'm done.
This will be fun.
Ok, it might just be my hearing failing, but I swear a man just said that.
"Uh, hello, anyone there?"
THAT IS A MAN!!!
"Um.....hi.....sorry, I must have the wrong number. Bye."
Ok, we're gonna try that again.
But this time we're going to dial slowly, carefully and watching which number we press.
Right, now Donnatella, prepare for the Josh Lyman taunt parade!
WHAT IS THIS?
IT'S HIM AGAIN!
I don't think it's the wrong number this time.
Who is he and why is he awnsering Donna's phone?
"Hi, is Donna there?"
Say no, say no say no.
PLEASE BE THE WRONG NUMBER AGAIN!
DON'T LET HER BE THERE!
"Sure, I'll get her for you."
"NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! It's ok, I was just checking."
"Did you phone earlier?"
The Deputy White House Chief of Staff rumoured to be making crank calls to his
Wouldn't CJ love that one?
"Are you sure you don't want to speak to her?"
"I'll speak to her later, bye"
WHO WAS THAT?
Donna just lets strange guys......................
That was Norman!
Who else could it have been?
I just came voice to voice with the enemy!
I do not believe this!
So, she's 'not well' is she?
of course not, she just slept with him!
Anyone would be ill after that!
I can't believe she would sleep with any guy after just 1 date!
I can't believe she would sleep with this guy after just 1 date!
And she actually got her room-mate to call and have me believe she was hungover so she
could spend time with this guy!
And it about 20 minutes she's gonna waltz in here as if nothing happened and she's done
Oh, I hope she can't even look me in the eye after what she's done to me.
I hope that she..........
Oh this is going to be the day from hell.