Title: Blaming Sam (Part 7/7)
Author: Sassy Susan
Disclaimers and notes in part 1
For the male population of this planet, I would like to dispense a little advice.
Advice that, no doubt, will get you through life.
Advice that, if followed, might just get you through life alive and with several body
It's advice on women.
Since, in my experience, you know nothing about us.
It's good advice and it's free, so shut up and listen.
1) Never mock the sisterhood.
It's our thing, it's our bond.
We like it, so deal with it.
2) Accept that at least once a month we probably won't like you all very much.
It's our right.
3) Also accept the fact that at least once a month we may be prone to throw heavy
objects at you.
It's our right, duck.
4) Always make sure you are using your speed-dial function correctly.
You'll save everyone a lot of trouble.
Read the instructions if you have to.
5) Remember, we're better drivers.
Be careful when you argue or you might wake up to find someone 'accidentally' rammed into
your darling Porsche and drove off.
6) Don't ask CJ Cregg to iron for you.
You'll find out exactly why she scares the shit out of men.
7) Don't assume that your assistant has gone out and slept with a guy in the first
Don't go there.
I did actually come down here to ask Josh if Sam was right.
I did come down here to ask Josh if there were any feelings he wanted to convey to me.
But then I bottled out when I realized that in doing that, I would be coming here to make
a fool out of myself.
Knowing my luck, Sam was actually making it all up to get off the hook.
I lost my anger toward Sam on the way over.
I pretty sure I could find it again if I had to.
Of course on my way over here, I also found a new anger for Josh Lyman.
He actually thought I slept with Norman?
"Josh, we need to talk."
"Yes we do. How could you sleep with him?"
Don't ever let it be said that Josh does not get to the point.
"Why do you think I slept with him, Josh."
People are going to start getting suspicious when they see you draging a Josh shaped bag
towards Toby's desk.
"I don't think, I know."
Sometimes I think that maybe the President has bugged our houses and tapped our phone.
Wow, I just accused the President of spying on his staff.
I better not say that out loud.
"He was there this morning. He answered the phone!"
When did he do that?
And just because........
"Josh, that was Dave, not Norman."
"THERE WERE 2 OF THEM!"
"Dave was Shelley's!"
"You were in a four-some with your room-mate and......."
"NO! Dave came home with Shelley, I came home alone and got drunk!"
I've just proved everyone that has met Josh wrong.
He can be shut up.
My God Josh! How could you think I would do that? How could you think I slept with
someone I just met!"
"No Josh! I'm so mad at you! How? Why would you think I'm like that! And why the hell
were you checking up on me?"
"You weren't here! I thought somethinhg might've happened!"
Yeah, we're screaming the place dowm.
We're going to get so many complaints.
I can totally picture CJ giving a briefing on 'excess volume and disturbing noise being
emmited from the White House'.
"So you were worried?"
"Yeah, see? Josh Lyman isn't such a cold-hearted bastard after all!"
Whoever said he was?
"So weren't thinking that maybe I had a hangover? You weren't calling to taunt
"Donna, for all I knew, that creep had done something to you! Considering the sort of
guys you date, anythings possible!"
Oh here we go.
I have terrible taste in men.
"Cos let's face it Donna, you have terrible taste in men!"
"That's exactly what everyone says when I tell them I work for you!"
"For crying out loud........."
"And while we're talking about it, lets discuss a phone call I had from Sam last
Can we all say 'deer in the headlights'?
Cos that's the look on Josh's face.
"I know, he said something about saying something to you. but apparently he
thought he was talking to me."
Does he know?
I want a drink.
Except the only alcohol we actualy keep round here is the surgical spirit I put in the
office in case he does something 'Josh-like'.
I'm not drinking that.
"Josh what did he say to you, I mean.........do you know what he told me?"
"He wouldn't say. What did he tell you?"
Ok, change the subject.
Change it, change it, change it!
Do it now!
"Donna, what did Sam tell you?"
"Y'know what else Josh, who I date is none of you buisness. and I'll be damnned if
I'm gonna let................."
OH. MY. GOD.
He's kissing me.
Josh Lyman is kissing me.
Foe anyone confused, it's not a peck on the cheek.
I think I might be kissing him back.
Oh yeah, I'm doing that.
So for anyone not following, here's a newsflash:
JOSHUA LYMAN IS KISSING ME!
Right here, right now, up against his office door.
His office in the West Wing.
The West Wing, in the White House.
WHAT AM I DOING?
I HAVE TO STOP HIM!
He looks as shocked as I feel.
We're just staring at each other.
I have to get out.
"You have to be on the Hill in 20 minutes. The file's on your desk, don't be
I'm just going to go back to my desk and.............
Well I would if half of the West Wing hadn't just fallen into the room as I opened the
With the other half standing behind the them
Sam and CJ, who literally fell through the door, are lying on the floor.
Then, oh joy, there's Toby and Charlie and all the other assistants and probably every
White House staffer they could fit outside.
Oh holy hell, Leo's there.
I hate this place.
Did I mention that?