Title: Rings, Things and Feminism (3/?)
Author: Sassy Susan
Category: Josh/Donna
Rating: PG-13
Summary: "I would never tell Leo I needed to go see my gynocologist." Sequel to 'CJ's Idiot Parade'.
Spoilers: None......I think................if there are tiny, tiny, little ones.

Disclaimers: Shelley, Dave and Jennifer are mine. As for the rest: Don't own them, don't own them, don't own them. Would I be sitting here if I did?
Hell no.

Notes:
This is the 5th installment in my 'Blaming Sam' series.
The other stories are: Norman, 20 Minutes and Knocking Out Sam's Teeth
                 Blaming Sam
                 2:31
                 CJ's Idiot Parade
And I suggest you read them first, otherwise you won't know what is going on.

Thanks go to my friend and beta Abby (aka Batman)
God bless Abby and her punctuation marks.
Also a special shoutout to Laura and Claire from WhiteHouseUK, who keep on at me for posting new fic.

Thanks lovies
Sassy Susan (aka Robin)
_________________________________

Claudia-Jean Cregg has a thing,  a power.
Mainly over idiots like Ed, Larry, Danny and erm.....oh yeah....Sam and I.
You can't explain it, you shouldn't even try.
She's using her powers now as I fidget nervously in front of her desk, I'm definitely getting that vibe, that feeling, that need for the ground to open up and drag me in to the vast expanses of hell where I, Josh Lyman, will be forced to bend to Congress's every whim as the the flames leap around my desk and little imp people have made me their bitch.

"Er....CJ?"
"What?"

Oh God, we're gonna die.
Right here in the Press Secretary's office, I'll be choked to death on Gail the goldfish and the remnants of a smashed fish bowl will lay around Sam's head.
Even then I'd probably get strung up for killing the fish.
I can see the headlines now,

"White House Deputy Chief of Staff Kills Beloved Goldfish: What a Bastard"

"Erm......CJ, you know how you're our first call?"
"Yeah?..."
"Well Sam has something to tell you."

He leaps about 20 feet in the air, doing a rather good impression of an old age pensioner who's turned up to a gangsta rap concert and is current wondering  whether their ticker is about to explode due to the music or because they picked up their next door neighbours back medication.

"No I do not!!!!!!!!!!! This is entirely your fault!!!!!!!!"
"I had nothing to do with it. Besides your my friend, you're meant to be helping............start helping and tell CJ the news."
"I have helped plenty, ok? Why the hell are you so afraid to tell her?"
"I'm not afraid to tell her anything.....i didn't do anyhting wrong!"
"Oh for the love of Sesame Street, will you get on with it?"
"Sesame Street, CJ?"
"Yes, Sesame Street. I know that program might be a little sophisticated for you Sam, but deal with it."
"But all the same..."
"It seemed like a good thing to say at the time. Now will someone please tell me what th e hell is going on?"

Well here goes.

"Er CJ.....theres a thing."
"WHAT?!!!!!!!"

I think that one day the sentence, "Er CJ......theres a thing" will join the list of famous last words.
Along with "It's fireproof", "Pull the pin and count to what?" and "What duck?"

"Who did you piss off this time Josh?"
"Why do you automatically assume that is something I've done wrong?"
"It ususally *is* something you have done wrong."

Ok, that hurt.
Not physically, but it put a hole through my sole.

What a line of crap that was, I'm turning into Sam.
Well, at least it rhymed.

"It's really not *that* bad......."
"CAROL!!!!!!!"

Carol puts her head round the door, like she fears she might lose a vital organ by coming in any further.
If it were me the last thing I would put round the door is my head, that's a pretty vital organ, you lose that, you're in trouble. I'd wave something unimportant round the door, like a fingernail or a pen.

"What do you need CJ?"
"In general? World peace, money and a tropical island. Right now? Aspirin, an appointment with my gyncologist and probably the United States Marine Corp."
"What's your gyncologist got to do with us?"
"Honestly, Sam?"
"Yeah."
"Not a damn thing. I just remembered I need to go see her."

Why do you women insist on sharing these details with us?
CJ needs to go and see her gynocologist.......see, I didn't need to know that.
Why does she need to tell *me* these things?
I would never say something  like that to Leo or the President.
Y'know, 'Sir, the members of Congress are acting like idiots.....nothing new there, we dropped 7 points in a week, Canada is invading as we speak and.....oh yeah.....I just remembered I have to go visit  my gynocologist'.
I would never tell Leo I needed to go see my gynocologist. .

See, I'm digressing again.
This is what happens when you tell us things like that.
I'm just going to get this over with and tell her

"CJ..."
"Oh God.....Danny's gonna come sniffing round me.......and not in the good way either........."
"CJ......"
"Just tell me something...........was it someone important? Were there any press around? Are they gonna file a complaint?"
"CJ......"
"Who was it? Congressman Watkins?"
"No...CJ....."
"CJ...."
"The director of the FBI? Oh God, it was the chairman of the joint chiefs, wasn't it?"

Ever feel like you're getting nowhere?

"Is it good news?  Oh what am I talking about........good news? What's that? I don't remember what good news is."
"Josh is going to ask Donna to marry him"

I shoot Sam my best glare.

"Thanks Sam."
"Sorry, did you want to tell her that?"
"Kind of."
"You'll get over it."
"I'm sure. CJ? You ok?"

CJ looks like she's been hit by a bus.
There's silence.
I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing.
If you're in a horror movie, silence might be good so that you don't alert the big, bad axe wielding psycho to the fact that you are hiding behind the sofa.
However, if you're lost at sea and you shout for help, silence might not be good, because then you lose all hope and throw yourself overboard.
Only to have a rescue boat pull up 5 minutes later.

"You're gonna ask Donna to marry you?"
"Yes."
"As in, ask her to be your wife?"
"That was the direction I was heading for."
"You were afraid  to tell me because?"
"Because you're CJ."

No Sam, that's why *you* didn't want to tell her.

"Actually CJ, I wasn't afraid to tell you.......in fact I wasn't even here to tell you that."
"What?"
"Josh!!!!! What are you doing?"
"Sam....."
"Did you not just hear me say, 'Josh!!!!! What are you doing?'"
"What did he do?"
"Well......tell me honestly.........how much *did* you love your blue Versace dress?"

TBC