Title: The Next Best Thing (Sequel to 'Adagio')
Author: Sassy Susan
Email: SassyRobin123@aol.com
Rating: R for angst
Pairing: Josh/Donna, Josh/Other
Summary: You know it's bad when Toby hugs you.
Warning: MAJOR ANGST
Spoilers:  Season 3 I guess..if any
Archive: tell me and take it

Disclaimers: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I wish. Do you honestly think Amy would be around if I owned them?

Notes: I got post from a lot of peolpe after I wrote Adagio for a sequel in Josh's POV.
You need to read that first, which is why i have reposted it.
Thanks always to my beta and friend Abby. You're a star.
And for anyone waiting for more Blaming Sam, i hit a block but i promise i will write some more.

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It was never a conscious decision Donnatella, it's not as if I went out looking for  her. One day I walked in to work and there she was standing at your desk.
At first I thought it was another one of those dreams I had, where I walk in and there you are, just standing there with my schedule as always, ready for another West Wing day of highs, lows and banter.

The first thing I suppose I noticed was her hair, it was shorter than yours and not half as blonde. Not naturally anyway,  I could see the darker roots peeking out from her platinum highlights.  The skin wasn't as beautifully white. A dark Californian tan tinted her face and I couldn't help but think that you would never have let that happen to you, because you had sensitive alabaster skin.

This was Diana, my new assistant.

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The memory of the day my world fell apart will be forever etched into my mind.
I walked into the West Wing and everything stopped at my presence.
Staffers halted in their tracks, phones ceased their endless ringing, the coffee machine stopped making coffee and even the dust stopped falling.

Leo was waiting for me in my office, the President needed to see me immediately, there was something I needed to know.
I knew it was bad news, Leo only comes to you when it's bad.

On the way CJ stepped out of her office, weak and fragile with tears streaming.
CJ never cries.
You know it's bad when CJ cries.

Toby stopped us in our tracks for a second time, when he came out of his office and put his arms around me in the most brotherly hug, telling me he'd be in his office when I was done with the President.
Toby never hugs.
You know it's bad when Toby hugs you.

The President stood in the middle of the oval office and told me to sit down.
He sat down next to me and put his arm round my shoulders.

You know it's bad whent he President of the United States puts his arm round you.

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They told me that you weren't in any pain and unsurprisingly it was no comfort.
They tell me that when you were laying in the road you kept repeating my name over and over to the paramedics. I like to think sometimes that you were on your way over to see me.

Its true, I was angry with you at first. How could I not be? You left me and I hated you for it. You left once before and came back and I'd somehow convinced myself that was the only time you would ever leave me. It's also true that I didn't go to your funeral.

I couldn't do it.
So instead I chose to spend the day in bed and torture myself with the fact that I never set things right between us after Cliff, with the fact that you left this world thinking I hated you. Instead I chose to torture myself with the fact that I never told you that I loved you. In the end I tried to tell myself it didn't matter, because you hated me anyway.

I did tell you eventually, well I told the empty space surrounding me anyway.
For the first, last and only time I told you that I was in love with you and I hated myself for being to much of a coward to ever say it to your face.

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When we won re-election, I wanted to do nothing more than take you in your arms,
but all I got was Diana.
She didn't celebrate the way you would have. She sat in the corner of the room, bottle of wine in her hand wondering what all the fuss was about. She didn't seem to realize that we had just beaten al the odds.
You would've been up and dancing on the tables, kissing and hugging everyone in sight before doing 'The Jackal' with CJ.

Late in the office one night, I tried to kiss you, but all I got was Diana.
She doesn't kiss me the way I know you would. It was hurried and over-enthusiastic.
With you it would have been a tender, innocent first kiss, sweetness and gentleness pouring into it, before our tongues met and it dissolved into a flurry of passion. You would've tasted of coffee and the faded remnants of your lipstick and it would've been bliss.

She's pretty Donnatella, but not the way you are. Her hair doesn't shine like yours and her eyes never sparkle. She's not you, but if I squint and my use imagination, she could be. She talks, Donnatella, but she doesn't bring the banter the way you do. Doesn't have a head full of trivia like you do. I love her, but not the way I love you.
She's not you Donnatella, she's the next best thing.

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Then there was my heart attack.
The doctors said it was a heart attack, the President said I was dying of a broken heart, and he was probably right.
Didn't matter what it was,  to me it was the answer to my prayers. All I could think was, 'Donna's coming, I'm going to see my Donnatella'.
Is it weird to say that I was glad when I had the heart attack?
It is, isn't it?

I don't suppose that's important though, seeing as I survived.
Diana sat next to my bed as I was recovering, holding hand gently, afraid to touch me in case I broke.
I kept thinking that it's not how you would hold my hand. You would have squeezed my hand reassuringly, rubbing your thumb over the back of palm, maybe gently stroking my hair with your other hand.

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I am aware that Leo is going to have my ass tommorow morning, I am aware that I have just left a church full of mystified people and an angry bride-to-be, I am aware that her father is probably going to come after me with a meat cleaver and I am also aware that I heard the President cheering as I fled the place like a bat out of hell.

I couldn't do it Donnatella.
She wasn't the real thing, she was the next best thing.
She wasn't you.