Odyssey of Minds, pt 4: Josh POV

by: Peridot
Pairing(s): Josh/Donna
Category(s): Humour/Fluff/ Angst
Rating: YTEEN
Disclaimer: The characters belong to Aaron Sorkin, et al
Summary: Josh and Donna's thoughts after each season 6-episode.
Spoiler: King Corn
Written: 2/9/05

Why am I feeling this way? I honestly think I found him ... my guy ... the real thing. But why am I not experiencing the indescribable rush, the thrill of campaigning. All I'm feeling right now is extreme exhaustion and I am completely drained to my very soul. But why? I'm doing what I love, I found the kind off candidate that I have always wanted, but ... sigh! I just feel ... alone.

During the Bartlet campaign, we were a true team. An equal team with Sam, CJ and Toby. It was just so much more fun and less emotionally wearing. Maybe I just miss the old days, maybe I miss my friends, maybe I miss DC ... maybe I miss her.

Donna

I'm lying here on my bed, not having been able to sleep for the past three hours. Worst of all, I have to be up in two hours! All because I saw a glimpse of Donna Moss's hand coming out of her room door. How can one's body switch into a totally different mode by just seeing an arm? I cannot describe how my mind and body have been reacting to every little contact I've had with Donna these days. And let me tell you, when I say little I mean 'little'.

Every single time I've seen her since we left the White House, I have been lost for words ... which is not something I am accustomed to. Funnily, this has never been the case for me and Donna before. In fact, it used to be the exact opposite. I used to be completely looking forward to talking with her, bantering with her, arguing with her. Somehow all that feels like a lifetime ago. I feel I've aged ten years since we were together in the west wing. Will it always be like this? God, it physically hurts me to think of that as a possibility.

Last night was one of the most awkward moments of my life! My heart almost popped out of my mouth when I saw her in the elevator. And for her to be in the room opposite mine! I mean, is some higher power playing a cruel joke on me? Seriously!

And of all of the things to happen, I couldn't use the key card properly. Well, I guess that was predictable. But once again, she came to the rescue. Just as she always has. But now ... now I realize I need to learn to do things on my own and to not need her because the reality is, she's not going to be there anymore. But somehow, I think learning to take care of myself is not going to make me feel any better.

When I finally got in the room I was incredibly restless and I felt that I had to do something or else I would spontaneously combust. For some reason my body was reacting much faster than my mind. I pretty much just stormed out of my room and my hand rose to knock at her door.

Thank god, in the nick of time, my mind started functioning again. What could I possibly say to her? What could I possibly NOT say to her? Would I yell? Would I plead? Would my body take over again and grab her and ... never mind.

God, the endless unanswered questions in my head. I would have no clue when or how to start a real conversation with her. Will I ever have that conversation with Donna? Honestly, I don't see how we could and that kills me.

The fact is, the best relationship I have ever had with anyone has basically vanished into thin air without much warning. Am I going to be able to get through this? Will I ever stop feeling this way? I guess only time will tell.

Donna's POV: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 Josh's POV: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8

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