Bouncing Inaugural Balls

by: Rhonda and Evelyn

Character(s): The Men of the West Wing
Pairing(s): Josh/Donna, CJ/Danny, Toby/Andi, Zoey/Charlie, Will/Ainsley
Category(s): Humor, Romance, Post Ep
Rating: TEEN
Disclaimer: They're not ours and never will be.
Summary: Post-episode story for Inauguration: Over There
Spoiler: Inauguration: Over There
Feedback: Greatly Appreciated

"This is just sooooooo wrong." His whine bounced off the cab's interior.

"Shut up."

"But this isn't the way it's supposed to be."

"I don't know why you're complaining. Donna's in the car, Jack's in the Alps, and we're going to the Balls."

"But....."

"Hey! I'm the one with problems. I don't have a coat AND I don't have Zoey. Did I mention I love her and I will figure out a way to get her back from the Frog Prince."

"Not in the last two minutes." Danny groaned, as Charlie began detailing once again his plans to derail Franco-American relations.

"But I've got Will on my lap and Toby's holding onto Donna. My Donna. Get your hands off her, Ziegler."

"Hello, I'm sitting right here. Have you guys been drinking?"

"No, Josh wouldn't let us stop."

"Why not?"

Red lights, remember?"

"How sweet."

"I am sweet. So you should be sitting over here. Not on Andi's twins' father's lap with his hand on your...Hey, Buddy. I wanta see both those hands in the air, now!"

"The cab's swerving so much she's gonna be on the floor if I don't hold onto her."

"I don't care. You're holding on too tight. I'm telling Andi."

"Oh geez. She's already gonna be pissed that I went off on this cockamamie quest with you and left her at the hors d'oevres table. Her moods shift faster than quicksand. One minute she's all over me and the next second she can't stand the sight of me. One thing she seems to be consistently upset about is other women. Especially women who can see their feet."

"What's wrong with her feet?"

"Who knows?"

"No one's noticed my new shoes. I got them on sale but I'm still going to be skipping lunch twice a week for a couple of months."

"I noticed."

"You like women's heels?"

"No. I just notice shoes ever since Ron ate mine."

"Ron Butterfield ate your shoes?"

"Ron the goat devoured my black wingtips, I think as an appetizer before finishing off my copy of 'Primary Colors'. But speaking of food, is anyone going to tell me about that blonde in the Mess? Just give me her name. The one you said was a Republican."

"Ainsley Hayes? I'll introduce you. Some people think we look alike, but personally I can't see it."

"Hey, we were talking about why Donna should be sitting on my lap."

"Andi doesn't have a lap anymore. Not that I'm complaining, but she doesn't bend very well. She pretty much is either laying down flat or standing up. Hence the problem with seeing her shoes."

"CJ likes to wear high heels. Keeps me on my toes."

"Huh?"

"Haven't you noticed that she's the exact same height as me, without shoes?"

"In your dreams. You're shorter than I am and I'm shorter than CJ."

"It's the shoes, I telling you. Without heels..."

"I'm starving. Do you think there will stilll be food by the time we get there?"

"Might not be if Jean-Paul's been grazing. For a skinny guy, he eats a lot."

"Will someone pass Donna over to me. I wanta look at her shoes."

"Excuse me? Pass me over where? I can hand you my shoes if you're really interested."

"I want to see the amazing body that goes with those shoes."

"You're so sweet."

"Bunch of sissies," growled Mac, the cabdriver. "Throw like a bunch of girls."

"It's simple. Donna, you scoot over Charlie, who will move over to Toby's lap, while Will slides onto Danny's lap, and then you'll be..."

"Hey, this is kind of like Twister."

"I once played naked Twister."

"Let go of my belt."

"I don't have your belt."

"Well it's caught on your scarf and I can see straight up Donna's..."

"Avert your eyes, buster."

"Those are nice shoes."

"Do you think Zoey likes shoes? Maybe I should give up shoes to show my love for her."

"That's it!"

The cab screeched to a halt.

"Everybody out." The cabdriver glared at the pretzel-shaped mob in his backseat.

"But there's snow on the ground, no other cabs in sight, and we're supposed to be going to a Ball, eight of them, in fact, to celebrate...."

The driver scowled.

"Do you believe in true love?" Charlie interrupted. "You see I love Zoey and I need to get to the Ball in order to..."

"You, goat boy," the driver pointed to Will.

"Yes, Sir," the young speechwriter snapped to attention.

"Get in the front seat."

"And French Fry, you get up here too."

"OK, I've been listening to your pathetic stories for the last 45 minutes. Let me see if I've got this straight."

Pointing to Toby. "Your ex-wife is pregnant with twins, can't see her feet, but refuses to marry you."

"And you," pointing to the redheaded reporter. "lust after a woman who is taller than you, with or without shoes, and so far the best kiss you've gotten was given when you were disguised as Santa. Is she maybe just a little bit kinky?"

"Hey, that's my woman you're talking about...and God I hope so."

"We all know more than we ever wanted to about Zoey and the Frog Prince." Mac shook his head in exasperation while looking at Charlie.

"And you - you with the glasses.  Yeah, you."  The cab driver snarled in Will's direction.  "So far, your only date has been with a goat...and I don't even want to know about that."

"But I like that Republican..." Will interrupted eagerly.

"And she's not a goat, right?"

"No, an elephant, maybe," he explained earnestly.

"And you two," looking over at Josh who had his arms wrapped tightly around Donna, both for love and for warmth. "You just discovered that this woman is amazing? What the hell is the matter with you?"

There was no answer from the back seat.

"OK, listen up. There will be no more talking, no more scheming, no more snowball throwing - nothing until we reach the Mellon Auditorium. At which time, you, you, you, and you," pointing to Charlie, Toby, Will, and Danny, "will march your asses inside, walk up to the women you love, and ask them to dance." And you two, "Get a room."

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

Sequel: Bouncing Back

| << back | send feedback | The National Library |