The National Library - A West Wing Fanfiction Archive

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To Be Twelve Again

by: Ginny

Category: Post-ep to H.Con-172
Pairing: Josh/Donna
Characters: Josh and Donna
Rating: YTEEN

Oh, to be twelve again. Not that I particularly liked 12 all that much, but things were easier, a whole lot less complicated.

You went to school, you hung out with your friends and the biggest decisions you had to make were what color Keds to get or whether or not you should risk getting punished by sneaking the transistor radio under your pillow at night so you could listen to the Mets.

But things have changed. Everything has changed.

Take girls.

When I was 12 if you liked a girl you pulled her ponytail, you chased her on the playground. And if things were really serious you carried her books and prayed you didn't run into your friends on the walk home.

When did girls, excuse me, women, get so complicated. I really would have thought that by the time I hit 40 I would have figured them out.

Not a chance. I really missed a class somewhere along the way.

I think I had a better understanding when I was 12. At least at 12 I knew what I wanted...Peggy Stephenson, the most popular girl in the 7th grade. But, unfortunately, she wasn't swayed by my dimples or my developing swagger. No, she was only interested in Tommy Mitchell.

So while I didn't get the girl when I was 12, I at least knew which one I wanted. Which is more than I can say now.

So here I am, it's after midnight, it's cold, snowing and I'm sitting on my front step. I just watched Amy walk away without even looking back.

The strange thing is...I'm not sure how I feel about that.

There are certain things you have to understand about Amy and I. We've known each other for twenty years. She lived a floor below Chris and I at school. Spent a lot of time hanging out in our room. Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure she was feeling the same way I do now, not quite sure who she liked.

But, since Chris had paid attention in the class about what to do after you like someone, she ended up with him. And once again I lost the girl.

Actually we did go out once, to the movies I think. But I never made a move and she turned to Chris.

So here I am, twenty some years later, having just gotten my first kiss from Amy Gardner and I'm sitting in the snow trying to decide how I feel about that kiss.

It was....OK.

That's right, it was just ok. Not bad, but nothing special. Nothing like what I would expect from a first kiss. Not like what I would expect from my first kiss with...well, let's just use Donna as an example.

Of course we've never really kissed. Sure a peck on the cheek and the forehead once in a while. But never a curl your toes, see the fireworks type kiss. So I'm just guessing how our first kiss will be.

Will be?

Oh God, I really need some help.

So now I'm torn. Between Amy and Donna. I like both of them, really I do. And I've been thinking about something ever since the day Leo testified. And I think I've come to a conclusion of sorts.

I like Donna, a lot. In fact, I love her dearly but I don't think I'm in love with her. Or to put it in a way an average 12 year old could understand, I like her but I don't *like her*, like her.

I was in love with her at one time, I think. But looking back it might have had more to do with her taking care of me and less about actually being in love.

Yeah, it's pretty confusing to me too.

What we have is like nothing I've ever experienced before. She's my best friend. The one who understands me better than anyone in the world. The one I can go to about anything, anytime. Sounds sappy but it is true.

And I'm pretty sure she feels the same way. Which is probably why we've danced around each other for years and never quite cracked under the pressure of our feelings for each other.

But let's face it, since Cliff and Amy came along things have been different all around. And I'm not saying it's all bad, cause it's not. Just different. But we're getting back to where we were. For that I am grateful.

Well, my crappy watch is telling me I really need to go in if I am going to get some reading done before I go to bed.

Maybe I'll make some hot chocolate. Just like my mom used to make when I was upset or confused. Well, not exactly like mom's cause I know for a fact I have no powdered cocoa but I do have Hershey's syrup and a fresh gallon of milk. That will do just fine.

As I shake the snow from my coat and hair I come to a realization. Some things are the same as when I was twelve. See, when I was twelve and pursuing the adorable Peggy Stephenson I had a best friend. Someone I shared everything with, hung out with and honed my bantering skills with. Her name was Denise and like Donna, she was blond and blue eyed. But she threw a mean curve ball and her knowledge of Mets statistics rivaled my own. I liked her but I didn't *like her*, like her. We were best friends through junior high and into freshman year of high school when we slowly went our separate ways.

Something I hope never happens with Donna and I. Can't imagine my life without her.

THE END

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