Taking Care... of Life

by: Jaye Reid

Character(s): Josh, Donna
Pairing(s): Josh/Donna
Category(s): Romance
Rating: TEEN
Disclaimer: Owned by the brilliant Sorkin and WB. Not mine, never will be. I have no money, therefore I'm not worth suing. Borrowed for my own amusement.
Summary: "...the circumference of life cannot be rightly drawn until the center is set." Benjamin E. Mays (1895 - 1984)
Spoiler: Season 1 - 4
Author's Note: I started writing this waaaayyy long ago, and of course, cannon has taken widely different paths to the way I was headed. I do however like to include cannon in my work, so you will see, although the timeline of this story is 2 -3 years ahead of what we see on the show, I have woven a bit of cannon into my timeline. It's just a bit further down the track! I have the next story in the series already partly written and I know the exact direction it will be taking. It will be out in a much shorter time than this one compared to the previous. My sincere thanks to everyone who has emailed me privately, hassled me in JDchats for the next installment and to all those who voted "Taking Care..." as most Outstanding WIP & Series in this years Golden Coffee Cup awards. Last but not least my highest recognition to three amazing women. Baby D who endures my addiction and Aim and Bridget whose talents I live in awe.

"Josh... I thought I might find you here," Donna mused, leaning against the doorframe of his office.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah... where have you been?" The glow of his desk lamp illuminating his face in the darkness.

"Well just because you don't want to socialize with your co-workers, doesn't mean that I have to be as mean spirited."

"How's the party going?"

"Well if you bothered to take a stroll over to the Residence you could find out for yourself."

"I want to finish..."

"Josh, I've been taking almost as many meetings as you lately. It seems like you are doing less and less these days and I was able to tie most things up to have the evening free."

"But..."

"For crying out loud Josh, it's New Years Eve. Forget the work. Come on, come to the party with me."

"Okay," he replied with a deep sigh as he closed the file folder on his desk.

"There should be snow. It's the end of December and there isn't any snow," he replied as he rounded his desk and set off beside Donna towards the residence.

"No Josh, and the weather forecasters aren't predicting any either."

"I miss New Year's Eve at home... there was snow when I was a kid."

"Look, if it makes you feel any better Josh, it was meant to be 33 deg. in Hartford today. No new snow either. Just like in Madison, although Mom and Dad said it was only going to be 15 deg. - and still no more snow if I was home anyway."

"It'll never snow in Florida."

"But Florida will never be home for you Josh."

"No."

"Why won't it snow?" grumbled Josh.

"Well for it to snow, the cloud temperature has to be at freezing or below. If the clouds are moisture filled, then snow crystals form. They then settle on dust particles and as the water vapor condenses, the crystals melt slightly, cling together and they become..."

"Snowflakes?" Josh queried with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes!"

"Donna?"

"It was rhetorical question before wasn't it... about why it wasn't snowing?"

"Ah huh."

"Okay then."

*

They entered the party and quickly found themselves in the middle of separate conversations. They caught glances from each other across the room, raising a glass or a nod in the others direction.

As the clock neared midnight, Donna looked around the room and failed to find Josh. She grumbled to herself of the punishment she would meter out if he had returned to his office to work.

"Toby, I was looking for Josh. You haven't seen him recently have you?" she asked, siding up to the Communications Director.

"Recently, no. I do believe he went out onto the balcony around half an hour ago with Samuel."

"Outdoors? Josh and Sam went outdoors in December?" Donna asked surprised.

"Well, it's almost January," offered Toby without expression.

"And that makes more sense?" Donna questioned.

"And anything Sam and Josh do together has ever made sense?"

"Okay. Thanks Toby."

"My pleasure."

Donna moved over to the French doors and could see the two figures silhouetted by the coach lights. The click of the door closing behind her alerted Sam and Josh of her presence.

"Hey Donna."

"Hi Sam. I was starting to wonder what happened to Josh. Toby informed me he was out here in the fresh air."

"Did you think I'd gone back to my office?" Josh questioned.

"I'm heading back inside," Sam said with a chuckle as he patted Josh on the arm. Something unspoken passed between the two men that made Donna feel uneasy.

"Josh?"

"Hmm..."

"Josh, what were you doing sitting out here?"

"We were just talking. I was just... I've been doing some thinking."

"About?" she questioned, stepping closer to him. He looked pensive and reflective.

"Everything."

"Josh... is everything okay? The last time you were like this... Josh? Josh is... is the President okay?" she asked worriedly.

"The President?" he asked, his brow furrowed.

"Yes. Last time you looked so... so like this, I found out later the president was, well was sick."

"No... it's not the President."

"Well..."

"Donna come and sit with me," he offered, holding out a hand and leading her to a stone bench seat near the wall.

"Josh, you're scaring me," she said, pulling back.

"Please Donna... just... just come and sit with me," he coaxed.

"What's wrong Josh?"

"Well it's not necessarily something that's wrong. It's... it's something I should have told you a long time ago. I've let you believe something that hasn't been totally true," he spoke sincerely, encasing her hand in his.

"Josh... you had me worried there for a minute. I know and I understand why you didn't tell me," she said with a soft smile.

"You know?" he asked, with genuine surprise.

"Yes, Sam told me."

"Sam? Sam couldn't have told you. I just told..."

"Of course he... Josh?"

"What are we... what do you think we're talking about here Donna?"

"The house. The house where I live which is actually owned by one of your family trusts. I... I've known since I moved in. Remember, I had the plumbing work done because *someone* forgot to connect the outlet on the washing machine properly? I saw the account. It was easy to follow up whom the trust was registered to. That's what we're talking about here right? The fact you didn't tell me you owned... you're not talking about that are you?" she finished, shaking her head.

"No," he sighed.

"There's something you should have told me?"

"Yes."

"Will... will it affect us?" she hedged.

"It could." He replied, tilting his head to one side.

"Why haven't you told me before?"

"Because... because I wasn't sure how to do that."

"And you think you know now?" she asked.

"No."

"Then why are you..."

"Because I have to... because... you remember I had my check up last week?" Josh questioned.

"Oh God... what?"

"Donna, just stay calm okay... I need you to be calm..."

"You told me everything was okay," she accused, pulling her hand away from his and standing up.

"I told you the doctor felt there hadn't been any changes," he replied, trying to keep an even tone. He was not letting this deteriorate into an argument.

"But everything had been fine last time. You said that... what's wrong?"

"I need... they want me to go back in and have some surgery to fix a few things," he breathed, dropping his head.

"Surgery?"

"Yes."

"Heart surgery?"

"Yes, well no. Not exactly. They don't think the artery they patched is as strong as it could be. Over exertion could cause an embolism especially if I don't take closer care of my general health. Tests showed..."

"Test? Hang on a minute Josh," she interrupted, getting more worked up by the minute, "You never said anything the other week about tests? Why am I just hearing about them now?"

"Come on Donna, please calm down. The tests were done back in March. I've been hanging out since hoping the doctors would change their minds," he pleaded, standing and putting his hands on her shoulders.

"March! You've known that any over exertion could cause a major blow out of an artery since March!" she threw at him almost hysterically.

"Look..."

"No. You... You... in Paris, when you suggested... you knew..."

"Yes I knew, but..."

"I... if we had... it could have killed you!"

"Then I would have died a happy man," he tried to brush off flippantly. By the look on her face he quickly realized his brand of humor was the last thing that was going to work. "Listen Donna, you're blowing this all out of..."

"No! I... I can't deal with this... I can't deal with you at the moment. Just... you kept this from me. Me! I... I have to be somewhere else at the moment. Somewhere you're not," she said, her whole body shaking.

"Donna please..."

"Don't... just... don't Josh. I have to go... I have to go," she repeated as she pulled away from him and rushed back through the doors.

He wanted to run in after her, but the last thing he wanted to do was cause a scene at the party. He closed his eyes and counted to ten, then counted to ten again. He didn't need the added stress. The doctors were unhappy enough with him at the moment for letting this wait so long. The surgery was scheduled for two weeks and they weren't letting him delay it any further.

He re-entered the room, and on quick investigation, realized that Donna was nowhere in sight.

"Did I just see Donna tear through here?" Leo asked, stopping his Deputy on the way to the hallway.

"Yeah," Josh sighed. "I just told her, you know..."

"About the surgery?"

"Yes," Josh nodded.

"On New Years Eve you chose to tell her? Do you think that was smart?" Leo questioned with a note of surprise.

"Well, it was that or propose tonight," Josh shrugged with a snort.

"And you think you chose the best of the two options?" Leo deadpanned.

"Probably not, but... I should have already told her," he volunteered.

"Yeah, on both counts I'd say."

"She was starting to notice I'm backing off with the workload while hers is increasing. I didn't want to reach the point were I'd have to lie to her. I can't lie to Donna. Hang on... you think I should have already asked her to marry me?"

"Ah, we'll leave that discussion for another day. I'm guessing she didn't take it too well."

"You guessed right. You see I told her something else about it that... well I haven't told you either."

"What?"

"I've known about this... the need for the surgery... I've known about it for a while now. I was hoping the doctors were going to change their minds," he shrugged.

"Some of the best doctors this country informed you that you required surgery and you thought you'd wait and see if they'd change their minds! For crying out... since when Josh. How long have you known?" he asked bluntly.

"Leo, please. I've... Donna walked away from me tonight Leo. I can't bear that I let you down as well. Phone me tomorrow, have a go at me then. Just don't tonight," he pleaded bitterly.

"How long Josh?" Leo questioned more sympathetically, placing his hand on Josh's shoulder and leading him into the empty hallway.

"Since last March," he barely whispered, choosing to lean back against the wall.

"March? Josh..."

"Don't Leo, please."

"I wasn't going to... we don't want to lose you Josh. This isn't as important as your health," he indicated to the walls that surrounded them.

"Donna is, and I've let her down."

"That's something you're going to have to sort out with her, son."

"I know... I know. Look, I'm gonna head home. I'll see you tomorrow, Leo."

"It's New Years, Josh. You don't have to come in tomorrow."

"I'm sure there will be something for me to do," Josh replied, pushing himself way from the wall.

"Nothing that can't wait. If I need you, I'll call you. So, unless you hear otherwise, the White House is off limits until the second, got it?" Leo grumped.

"Are you..."

"Get outta here before I change my mind," Leo growled.

"Okay... thanks Leo."

"Give her time Josh. She can't stay angry at you forever."

"I hope not. If she comes back here can you tell her I've gone home?"

"Sure son. Happy New Year," Leo offered, pulling his protégé into a bear hug.

"Thanks Leo, I... just thanks."

"Now, get out of here," he grumbled, patting Josh on the arm and giving him a push towards the hallway. "And don't, I repeat don't go back to your office and work."

"I won't Leo," Josh laughed. "Happy New Year."

"Yeah, you too. Goodnight Josh."

****

Josh tried Donna's cell phone and home phone on his way to his own place. He went past her house, and saw lights on, but decided to give her some space. He tried her again when he arrived home, but her cell went to voicemail and her home line was now giving a busy signal.

Slumping down into a lounge chair, he wondered how he was going to fix this.

**

Josh's eyes popped open as he heard the key turn in the lock. Disorientated for a moment, he realized he must have fallen asleep in the chair shortly after arriving home.

"Donna, what are you doing here?" he asked as the light in the hallway framed her silhouette before she closed the door and locked it behind her.

"There was a message on my machine from my mom when I got home for me to phone her. Mom's friend Marjory just died," she said shakily.

"I'm sorry... you knew her?" he asked, watching the tears start to pool in her eyes.

"Not well," she replied, shaking her head. "Marjory's husband Roy died two weeks ago," she added, bursting into sobs.

"Donna... honey... come here," he said, opening his arms to her. She crossed the darkened room and curled up in his lap, sobbing forcibly into his chest.

"Shoosh ... it's going to be okay," he cooed rubbing her back has he held on to her, before pulling her shoes off so she could curl up more comfortably. "Had they been in an accident or sick or something?" he asked gently.

"Roy had a heart attack," she sobbed.

"That's not good," he comforted, "and his wife... your Mom's friend... you're so upset... tell me what happened?"

"She just died."

"I know sweetheart, you told me that, but what happened?"

"She didn't want to live anymore," Donna sobbed.

"Oh. She... she did something? She took something..."

"No... no..." Donna replied softly as she shook her head. "She just... died. She... it hurt to much to be alive without him and she just couldn't... she missed him too much."

"And she... just died?" Josh quizzed.

"Her heart just broke Mom said," Donna barely whispered through the sobs.

Josh wrapped his arms around her and rocked her gently. "It's okay sweetheart... I've got you. Everything's going to be okay."

"I don't want to be angry at you anymore," she whispered hoarsely. "I don't ever want to argue with you again. I don't want to be angry. I'm sorry I was angry," she sobbed harder again as she held on tightly to his shoulders.

"It's okay... we've been disagreeing with each other for years. It's okay... we always fix it."

"No, it's not... it's not okay," she replied, shaking her head quickly. "I was awful and I was angry and I wasn't fair. I just walked out and I knew it was you phoning and I just ignored it. I just let the phone ring until the machine picked up and then I didn't call you back."

"How about we just follow the old adage of not going to sleep angry, okay? Would that help?" he offered.

"In Paris I was wrong... I was so wrong. I'm so sorry... but I'm here now... honestly I'm here," she stated as she started sliding her coat from her shoulders. Josh helped her take it off but it was when she began unbuttoning her shirt that Josh put his hands over hers to stop here.

"Donna, what are you doing?"

"In Paris you wanted to," she started in shaky breathes between fitful sobs. "But I... I said no. I said... but I'm here now," she repeated again, trying to undo more buttons under the weight of his hands.

"No," Josh said firmly, taking her hands in his. "No... I love you too much... I will not have you offering yourself up to me like some sacrifice."

"It's okay Josh... really... I was wrong," she pleaded. "I... I understand what Marjory went through. When you were shot... well I was devastated... Josh, if anything ever happened to you... I couldn't. I know I couldn't make my heart keep going. I couldn't... it would die along with you."

"I love you," he stated, holding her hands tightly as tears of his own formed. "I love you so damn much it hurts... but you weren't wrong in Paris. It wasn't our time then... and the time isn't right now, either. And whether it's not our time yet because of the fear of political ramifications or because I'm an arrogant jackass, we'll know when it's our time, okay?"

"But in Paris," she continued with the self admonishment, "It was Paris and it was night and the city was so beautiful and you were so sweet and I... I..."

"You didn't want to Donna. You were right... we wouldn't have been able to just ignore it once we got back here. And that's okay. I'm still here aren't I? I didn't run away, or banish you?"

"Banish me?"

"Yeah, okay," he replied. "So banish isn't the right word."

"I'm sorry Josh."

"For what? There's nothing to be sorry for," he replied softly. "Absolutely nothing. And you know what?"

"What?" she asked with a sniffle.

He shifted her in his lap so he could see directly into her eyes. "When the time is right, I'm going to make sweet love to you all night long."

Donna smiled and sniffed and with her thumb, wiped the tears that had escaped his eyes and slipped down his cheek.

"I'll love you forever Donna... forever. No fight or angry words or distance or even death will ever change that. This is forever. You understand that? Forever."

"I understand," she replied gently as she kissed his cheek where the tears had stopped.

"Come on, you wanta go to bed?" he offered, sliding her off his lap before standing up and holding his hand out to her.

"But you just said..."

"I want to hold you Donna. Tonight when you left me standing on the balcony, I swear it felt like I was the loneliest man in the world. I just want to hold you, please?" he asked giving her his best pleading look.

"What if someone saw me coming over here?" she asked, looking up at him.

"Donna, it's... after three in the morning," he said, squinting at the clock on the VCR. "It's now New Years day. Do you think anyone is casing out your place or mine tonight?" he suggested.

"Probably not?"

"No. So..."

"You can hold me forever Josh. I'm not going anywhere," she said with a warm smile as she took his hand and let him lead her to his room.

****

They lazed around the next morning until Donna decided to head home to shower and change. Josh called by just after 1 to take her to lunch at Le Bergerie, their favorite French restaurant in Alexandria.

Josh let Donna order. He loved hearing the French language roll off her tongue. It made him regret the time spent in France was so short. Her smile to the waiter as she handed back the menu's faded when she noticed the serious expression on Josh's face.

"What's wrong?"

"Who says there's anything wrong? It's... nothing, not really," he shrugged, realizing she had given him the lead in to the conversation he needed to have with her.

"Josh..."

"The house, it's yours," he blurt out as he fumbled with the edge of his napkin before picking up a piece of the silverware and turning it over in his fingers.

"What?"

"The townhouse... your townhouse. If anything happens to me..."

"Josh, nothing is going to happen to you. Unless... you know something that you're not telling me, do you? You spent all of this morning convincing me how safe, how routine this surgery will be," Donna countered.

"Just... look, I know, it is. But if... well okay, not just with the surgery... if I was to walk out of here this afternoon and get mowed down by a lunatic cab driver, the townhouse, it would still be yours. I put it in writing... I wanted you to know that."

"But..."

"I worry okay," he interrupted, trying to explain why he felt he had to do this. He glanced around the room before dropping his head and leaning forward.

"I love you, you know that," he whispered. A smile dance across Donna's lips and when she nodded and he felt safe to continue. "You know I worry about things. And I don't want to worry about where you would be able to live and how you would be able to take care of things if something happened to me. So it's all in writing. The townhouse, there are some shares and money too. My Mom has plenty, she doesn't need it. She knows... she knows how things are between us."

"Okay," Donna replied.

"Okay? I've been trying to figure out how to tell you this and all you've got to say is okay?"

"Yes, okay. Get over yourself Josh," she grinned. "I... I don't know what to say, but I can see this means a great deal to you and I want you to know it means a great deal to me."

"I'm glad. Now, what did you order for me..."

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

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